Posts filed under 'Dating Advice'
The Zoosk pulse: Love in the time of microeconomics
It’s common wisdom that we guard our money in times of economic stress – but does stinginess of the pocketbook affect generosity of the heart? We recently surveyed nearly two thousand singles on Zoosk to figure out whether the world’s continuing economic turmoil has affected their expectations of love. We conducted the survey this month, and compared it to a similar survey we conducted in May 2009 to see whether singles’ attitudes on dating and money had changed.
We were totally surprised (more…)
2 comments August 19, 2010
Online dating advice from Jod Kaftan: happily married man
By Jod Kaftan
Lately, I’ve started thinking of some alternative careers. One that came to mind, after speaking with my friend Amy, is that I could be an inter-species translator. Imagine what help that could be to the online dating community!
Amy was telling me about how she was dating this guy but “didn’t want to take things too seriously.”
“Did you tell him this?” I asked
“Yes! And the great thing is that he feels exactly the same way!”
Uh oh. I didn’t want to burst her bubble. But I had to think of her best interest. They actually don’t feel the same way at all. There are huge differences between what men and women mean when they say this, and in how men and women perceive dating and relationships.
Male commitment-phobes and how to deal with them
Let me begin by shamelessly exposing my own life. The morning after the first amorous date with my wife, she said, unprompted, that she wanted to take things slow. At the time I thought, “Cool, no pressure!” As a male commitment-phobe, it was magic to my ears. Then she started calling me every night. We started seeing each other every weekend. But in my brute male brain, I was thinking there’s some cognitive dissonance here. Why is she so actively involved if she doesn’t want to take things too seriously and go slow?
This contradiction would have bothered me in most cases if she had been someone who—bingo!—I also wanted to not take things too seriously with. But the truth was I did want to get serious. (Guys: I didn’t tell her this of course until she finally admitted she did as well.) The point is that I realized her saying she wanted to go slow was a kind of defense mechanism. It didn’t mean she didn’t want a relationship. It meant she wanted to make sure I wasn’t a jerk.
When a guy says he wants to take it slow, what he means is…
Now, when a boy says he “wants to go slow” or “not take things too seriously,” he, um, really means it. Actually what he’s really saying is, “I’m not ready for any emotional involvement at all.” He just wants company. And if you really like him, then you should avoid him. Tell him, “When you’re ready for something real, call me.” Because no amount of a woman’s greatness can make a guy in that state come around. He has to get there on his own—usually through some brutal trial and error.
Be straightforward, ask the right questions
I’m not saying make him sign a contract in blood. But a simple answer of “yes” to the question “Do you want something authentic?” will indicate that he’s not looking for a hoochie mama. Now if he says he wants something real but doesn’t call every night, don’t take that as a sign that he’s not interested. He’s probably trying to appear like he’s not groveling. The bottom line is that love is about taking chances, but by reading between the lines, you can at least minimize your hardship.
The point of the story is, don’t muddle a situation to the point where you need an inter-species translator. Take control of a situation early before things get successively more confusing. Despite a difference in communication, men and women can speak the same language, if they try.
About Jod Kaftan: A long recovering bachelor (some would say “lout”) who decided to make the leap and marry the girl he loved, Jod Kaftan is still figuring it all out–if only he’d follow his own advice. Jod is a contributing editor at the LA Times Magazine. He has contributed to Rolling Stone, Salon, The Los Angeles Times and the New York Times. Follow Jod on Twitter @Jodspeed!
1 comment April 5, 2010
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
There are better ways to break ice than with an overused pick-up line or a boring conversation starter. “Nice weather we have today, isn’t it?” doesn’t exactly speak volumes about your personality. Speaking of personality, a boring introduction like this reveals only a lack thereof.
We know it’s not easy to fabricate witticisms at the drop of a hat, so we’ve come up a way to help you out.
On your Date Card, you’ll notice a fun new Icebreakers feature. Icebreakers are cute little questions (like “What is your least favorite part about flying on a plane?”) that any Zoosker can add to their Date Card. These questions which can be answered by interested Zooskers in lieu of sending a Wink (which doesn’t provide much description or detail about you) or a Flirt (a Flirt what we call a standard Zooskbox message that you write unprompted). Icebreakers make flirting easier than ever, and we’ve given you 100 different icebreakers to choose from!
Adding icebreakers to your profile is easy. As you edit your Date Card, visit the new icebreakers tab. You can add as many icebreakers on your profile as your lovely heart desires.
2 comments January 25, 2010
Tammy and JD find love on Zoosk
Dear Zoosk,
The very first minute I signed up on Zoosk, a man winked at me. His name was JD, and he lived only 30 miles from me. I thought he was cute, so I sent him a message.
That was the beginning of a great relationship.
I live in the Clarksburg area in West Virginia, and he was from Buckhannon. When we met, his smile first attracted me to him. But later, it was his personality I liked. He would say the nicest things to me when we talked! When we texted each other on the phone, he always had a comeback to things I said that would blow me away. The guy with all the lines. Couldn’t stop telling me how beautiful I was!
Our first date was a nice dinner, casual dress, at a Chinese restaurant, and we had a good time with our fortunes in the end. They were funny, and we laughed a lot! Then we went for a long ride in the country, and JD showed me where he used to be a trooper, as well as some stories about the little town he worked in.
Then he brought me home and gave me a hug and a sweet little kiss and he went home. We have been dating ever since. Every day is a good day. I am sure it will continue.
We both had been praying for someone to come into our lives, and at the same time when we needed each other the most “here we are”. It’s really special. The way he hugs me makes me want to be held by him forever. I like that.
This winter, JD asked me to marry him! We looked at rings for a long time, and he took me to jewelry store after jewelry store, just to find the right one! We act like we are 16-years-old, laughing and having a great time. My children love him. We love each other. I can’t believe I found someone so quickly! Thanks for your dating site, or I would have never met him.
Zoosk is the best! You never know from the very beginning, but sometimes you can beat all odds.
Sincerely,
Tammy and JD
6 comments December 29, 2009
Vote for Zoosk in the Final Round of the 2009 Crunchies Awards
In Bertrand Russell’s celebrated essay, “In Praise of Idleness,” the distinguished analytic philosopher and Nobel Laureate contends, quite rationally, “I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous. I hope that, after reading the following pages, the leaders of the YMCA will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing.” And, just for dramatic effect, he adds, “If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”
In response this glorious display of intellect, Zoosk responds most enthusiastically, “Hear hear!”
It appears that the folks at TechCrunch might also believe, as Russell himself did, that “Leisure is essential to civilization.” Could there be a truer truism? Purveyors of romantic leisure that we are, Zoosk is rightfully honored to have made it to the final round of voting at this year’s 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Awards in a category we are proud to be recognized in: Best Time Sink Application.
But we also adhere to the belief that the pursuit of love is an activity that, albeit leisurely, is absolutely necessary. Plus, leisure is useful too. Sure, you can’t expense a date on the company card or charge it to your place of work as a billable hour, but the time you spend looking for love is fully compensated, at the end of the road, when you find it. So while some time may sink during the quest, that time will be worth it when you get to your final destination. Think of it as a potentially long flight that just happens to take off and land at the exact same local time, just in different time zones.
So remember, everyone, vote for Zoosk! “Each person is invited to vote once per category per day through Wednesday, January 6th at midnight PST. Once you cast a vote in a category, you are able to share your vote through Twitter and Facebook.” Put a little bit of work in for Zoosk by voting every day until January 6th, and we’ll ensure you get the best time sink application the web has to offer for as long as your heart desires. XO.
5 comments December 22, 2009
A new age of intimacy
By Anne B
Last night I sent a heartfelt text message. Not my typical behavior. I’m not a huge fan of conveying important messages via texts, but in the spirit of the rapidly approaching New Year, why not try new things? You know the kind of text message I’m talking about. The kind that you write, stare at for a minute, erase, and revise a few times before sending. This is the kind of text that you have to put a little thought into in order to avoid the very high risk that comes with messy text miscommunication.
So, there I am with the final draft of my text. I ask myself, did I say too much? No. Not enough? No, it’s good. The message is clear, and straight from my heart. Send. Wait. Fein interest in what’s playing on TV. Wait some more. Ping! I get a response. Hoping to see words of poetry echoing my sentiments, and perhaps leading to a longer exchange and then some (wink wink) I open the message to find… a smiley face. A smiley face!? What am I supposed to do with that!!?? (more…)
9 comments December 15, 2009
The Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays
By Juliet O
Yippee! Bring out the bells, the whistles, and the fancy trays of mouth-watering, calorie-laden sweets: the end-of-year holiday season has finally arrived! As this year (and decade) draws to a close, Zoosk wishes you the happiest holiday festivities and brightest spirits and cheer that this season has to offer.
Holidays bring with them a host of holly jolly things, from parties to paid vacation to presents, but our absolute favorite aspect of the holiday season will always be the unique excitement of holiday dating. The holiday merriment rubs off on even the most incorrigible Scrooge. Who doesn’t love an eggnog, peppermint schnapps, and mistletoe-fueled adrenaline rush?
But we know that desite the amazing rewards, holiday dating is not without its challenges. We want to make the entire process of dating during this time of year as easy on you as possible. We want you to stop stressing out and focus instead on enjoying yourself. To help our Zooskers navigate and cultivate their love lives during this special time of year, we’ve created the Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, a downloadable PDF that you can save on your desktop and read at your own convenience, that answers some of your most pressing questions about the rules of holiday dating. (more…)
Add comment December 7, 2009
Winter is a romantic season, so take advantage of it
By Juliet O
Even though winter is cold and gray, there are plenty of fun icy-weather dates to be had during the months of December through February! Instead of putting on those extra five to ten pounds to keep your body warm in the frigid chill, why not meet someone sexy who raises your body temperature without raising your utility bills (and body mass index)? So turn on your computer and go to Zoosk, where 40 million singles are all putting their icy fingertips to the keyboard this season with one solitary purpose: meeting someone to hibernate with during the short days and loooong nights with (wink wink) of winter. Kiss seasonal depression good-bye with a hot winter date. (more…)
2 comments December 3, 2009
Another reason to chat on our community boards
By Juliet O
Using Zoosk’s Community boards is a great way to get noticed.
Of course, Zoosk’s mission is to introduce you to singles in your local area and hook you up with potential dates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make friends or join our Community discussions while you’re at it. During moments of downtime during your maelstrom of flirting, check out our Community boards for relevant dating tips, fun conversation, and online dating success stories from our users.
The Community is also a fun way to get to know people from all over the world. If you’re not opposed to a long distance relationship, you can even meet people on the Community boards. We’ve had it happen before! All you have to do to go to a person’s profile from the Community pages is click on their photo. The right hand side of a Community post also shows if a Zoosker is currently online, how many posts they’ve made, and how long they’ve been on Zoosk. To message a person from the Community boards, all you need to do is click the little envelope icon below their photo. See below. 
Whenever you make a community post, it goes on your status feed as well, as Zoosk’s status feed that gets shown to Zooskers within your search criteria. Yet another way to get noticed — not a bad deal! We also host contests on our Community for coins and other prizes. Who doesn’t love prizes? I hope you’re convinced now that Community participation is fun! Of course, it’s totally up to you, but we’d like to to know that it’s an option, and a good one at that.
4 comments November 30, 2009
Having good testimonials might get you a date
Those who are wondering how they can can increase their profile views, receive more messages, and significantly raise their chances of landing a date on Zoosk should maybe consider requesting and publishing friend testimonials on their Date Card! Testimonials are awesome and really speak a lot about you, especially on an online dating site.
What’s a testimonial? A testimonial is a short blurb from a friend or acquaintance that says something positive about you. We publish third party testimonials on Zoosk because testimonials are a great way to give potential matches more information about you from people who know you. It gives someone who looks at your profile the chance to hear something nice about you from a third party. Because this information is coming from a source who knows personally, it gives credibility to the fact that those great things they say about you are true. It’s uncouth to brag openly about yourself, so why not have one of your friends brag about you on your behalf?
If you’re wondering about how the get testimonials for your Date Card, read on for step-by-step instructions! (more…)
8 comments November 24, 2009
Zoosk has received heart-warming letters from couples from all over the world have found love on Zoosk. We are proud to share 
