It’s common wisdom that we guard our money in times of economic stress – but does stinginess of the pocketbook affect generosity of the heart? We recently surveyed nearly two thousand singles on Zoosk to figure out whether the world’s continuing economic turmoil has affected their expectations of love. We conducted the survey this month, and compared it to a similar survey we conducted in May 2009 to see whether singles’ attitudes on dating and money had changed.

We were totally surprised when the changes in perceptions of love were consistent with the changes in the economy, almost as if they were determined by the same underlying economic principles. I guess, when you think about it, this makes perfect sense. It doesn’t take an economist to understand that economic factors outside of our control do profoundly influence our personal decisions, even in matters of the heart. We call these findings, “Love in the time of microeconomics”. Here’s what we found.

An unemployed dating pool and the law of comparative advantage.

With more unemployed men in the dating pool, women are adjusting their expectations. A jobless man still provides a comparative advantage to being alone.

• 60% of women said they’d date someone unemployed in 2010. Only 52% of women did in 2009.

• 90% of men said they’d date someone unemployed in 2010, compared to 92% of men in 2009.

Chivalry and the law of competitive advantage.

Men are historically viewed as providers, and men who pick up the check have a competitive advantage over men who don’t.

• 85.9% of men – a staggering number – usually pick up the bill on a date, and 52% of men spend more money on the average date in 2010 than they spent in 2009.

• 57% of women spend less on dates in 2010 than they did in 2009 – perhaps benefiting from the increase in male chivalry.

Dating budgets and the law of diminishing returns.

The cost of a date is only worth its money up to a certain point.

• 53% of men and 67% of women report that an average date for two costs $20 to $50.

• 35% of men and 21% of women report that it costs $50 to $100.

• 10% of men and 15% of women report it costs $20 or less.

Free dates and the law of economizing.

The slow pace of economic recovery has us saving for a rainy day, so singles are more open to free dates than ever before – 92% in 2010, compared to 85% in 2009.

Dating dishonesty and the adverse effects of anti-competitive practices.

83% of men and 93% of women agree that if someone is unemployed, they should reveal it right away. Honesty is the best policy.

Money can’t buy you love.

It’s comforting to know that with all this talk of money in polite company, the really important things do count the most. 70% of singles say they do not consider money to be an important factor when choosing a mate. Practical considerations do matter, but love triumphs above all.

Zoosk’s poll was conducted online in August 2010 and fielded 1,858 responses from singles in the United States. Of respondents, 66% were male and 34% were female; 54% were in their 20s; 21% in their 30s; 18% in their 40s; 9% percent were 50+.

Photo via Sean Hering Photography on Flickr. Attribution license.

By Jod Kaftan

Lately, I’ve started thinking of some alternative careers.  One that came to mind, after speaking with my friend Amy, is that I could be an inter-species translator. Imagine what help that could be to the online dating community!

Amy was telling me about how she was dating this guy but “didn’t want to take things too seriously.”

“Did you tell him this?” I asked

“Yes! And the great thing is that he feels exactly the same way!”

Uh oh. I didn’t want to burst her bubble. But I had to think of her best interest. They actually don’t feel the same way at all. There are huge differences between what men and women mean when they say this, and in how men and women perceive dating and relationships.

Male commitment-phobes and how to deal with them

Let me begin by shamelessly exposing my own life. The morning after the first amorous date with my wife, she said, unprompted, that she wanted to take things slow. At the time I thought, “Cool, no pressure!” As a male commitment-phobe, it was magic to my ears.  Then she started calling me every night. We started seeing each other every weekend. But in my brute male brain, I was thinking there’s some cognitive dissonance here. Why is she so actively involved if she doesn’t want to take things too seriously and go slow?

This contradiction would have bothered me in most cases if she had been someone who—bingo!—I also wanted to not take things too seriously with. But the truth was I did want to get serious. (Guys: I didn’t tell her this of course until she finally admitted she did as well.) The point is that I realized her saying she wanted to go slow was a kind of defense mechanism. It didn’t mean she didn’t want a relationship. It meant she wanted to make sure I wasn’t a jerk.

When a guy says he wants to take it slow, what he means is…

Now, when a boy says he “wants to go slow” or “not take things too seriously,” he, um, really means it. Actually what he’s really saying is, “I’m not ready for any emotional involvement at all.”  He just wants company. And if you really like him, then you should avoid him. Tell him, “When you’re ready for something real, call me.” Because no amount of a woman’s greatness can make a guy in that state come around. He has to get there on his own—usually through some brutal trial and error.

Be straightforward, ask the right questions

I’m not saying make him sign a contract in blood.  But a simple answer of “yes” to the question “Do you want something authentic?” will indicate that he’s not looking for a hoochie mama.  Now if he says he wants something real but doesn’t call every night, don’t take that as a sign that he’s not interested. He’s probably  trying to appear like he’s not groveling. The bottom line is that love is about taking chances, but by reading between the lines, you can at least minimize your hardship.

The point of the story is, don’t muddle a situation to the point where you need an inter-species translator. Take control of a situation early before things get successively more confusing. Despite a difference in communication, men and women can speak the same language, if they try.

About Jod Kaftan: A long recovering bachelor (some would say “lout”) who decided to make the leap and marry the girl he loved, Jod Kaftan is still figuring it all out–if only he’d follow his own advice. Jod is a contributing editor at the LA Times Magazine. He  has contributed to Rolling Stone, Salon, The Los Angeles Times and the New York Times. Follow Jod on Twitter @Jodspeed!

There are better ways to break ice than with an overused pick-up line or a boring conversation starter.  “Nice weather we have today, isn’t it?” doesn’t exactly speak volumes about your personality. Speaking of personality, a boring introduction like this reveals only a lack thereof.

We know it’s not easy to fabricate witticisms at the drop of a hat, so we’ve come up a way to help you out.

On your Date Card, you’ll notice a fun new Icebreakers feature. Icebreakers are cute little questions (like “What is your least favorite part about flying on a plane?”) that any Zoosker can add to their Date Card. These questions which can be answered by interested Zooskers in lieu of sending a Wink (which doesn’t provide much description or detail about you) or a Flirt (a Flirt what we call a standard Zooskbox message that you write unprompted). Icebreakers make flirting easier than ever, and we’ve given you 100 different icebreakers to choose from!

Adding icebreakers to your profile is easy. As you edit your Date Card, visit the new icebreakers tab. You can add as many icebreakers on your profile as your lovely heart desires.

Compared to composing an unprompted message, answering an icebreaker is a piece of cake. You can respond to an icebreaker with a sparkling riposte right on a cutie’s Date Card.

Click “Answer” and a little box will pop up. Type your bon mots in the box and clickity click on “Send”.

The icebreaker lands right in the person’s Zooskbox. Easy breezy, ice is broken!

Once an icebreaker is sent to a Zooskbox, the appears like the above, with the question and answer together. How nice!

And with that freezing cold sheet of ice out of the way, things can finally heat up. Is it just me, or is it getting really hot in here?

Dear Zoosk,

The very first minute I signed up on Zoosk, a man winked at me.  His name was JD, and he lived only 30 miles from me. I thought he was cute, so I sent him a message.

That was the beginning of a great relationship.

I live in the Clarksburg area in West Virginia, and he was from Buckhannon. When we met, his smile first attracted me to him. But later, it was his personality I liked. He would say the nicest things to me when we talked! When we texted each other on the phone, he always had a comeback to things I said that would blow me away. The guy with all the lines. Couldn’t stop telling me how beautiful I was!

Our first date was a nice dinner, casual dress, at a Chinese restaurant, and we had a good time with our fortunes in the end.  They were funny, and we laughed a lot! Then we went for a long ride in the country, and JD showed me where he used to be a trooper, as well as some stories about the little town he worked in.

Then he brought me home and gave me a hug and a sweet little kiss and he went home.  We have been dating ever since. Every day is a good day.  I am sure it will continue.

We both had been praying for someone to come into our lives, and at the same time when we needed each other the most “here we are”. It’s really special. The way he hugs me makes me want to be held by him forever.  I like that.

This winter, JD asked me to marry him! We looked at rings for a long time, and he took me to jewelry store after jewelry store, just to find the right one! We act like we are 16-years-old, laughing and having a great time. My children love him. We love each other. I can’t believe I found someone so quickly! Thanks for your dating site, or I would have never met him.

Zoosk is the best! You never know from the very beginning, but sometimes you can beat all odds.

Sincerely,
Tammy and JD

In Bertrand Russell’s celebrated essay, “In Praise of Idleness,” the distinguished analytic philosopher and Nobel Laureate contends, quite rationally, “I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous. I hope that, after reading the following pages, the leaders of the YMCA will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing.” And, just for dramatic effect, he adds, “If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”

In response this glorious display of intellect, Zoosk responds most enthusiastically, “Hear hear!”

It appears that the folks at TechCrunch might also believe, as Russell himself did, that “Leisure is essential to civilization.” Could there be a truer truism? Purveyors of romantic leisure that we are, Zoosk is rightfully honored to have made it to the final round of voting at this year’s 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Awards in a category we are proud to be recognized in: Best Time Sink Application.

But we also adhere to the belief that the pursuit of love is an activity that, albeit leisurely, is absolutely necessary. Plus, leisure is useful too. Sure, you can’t expense a date on the company card or charge it to your place of work as a billable hour, but the time you spend looking for love is fully compensated, at the end of the road, when you find it. So while some time may sink during the quest, that time will be worth it when you get to your final destination. Think of it as a potentially long flight that just happens to take off and land at the exact same local time, just in different time zones.

So remember, everyone, vote for Zoosk! “Each person is invited to vote once per category per day through Wednesday, January 6th at midnight PST. Once you cast a vote in a category, you are able to share your vote through Twitter and Facebook.” Put a little bit of work in for Zoosk by voting every day until January 6th, and we’ll ensure you get the best time sink application the web has to offer for as long as your heart desires. XO.

By Anne B

Last night I sent a heartfelt text message. Not my typical behavior. I’m not a huge fan of conveying important messages via texts, but in the spirit of the rapidly approaching New Year, why not try new things? You know the kind of text message I’m talking about. The kind that you write, stare at for a minute, erase, and revise a few times before sending. This is the kind of text that you have to put a little thought into in order to avoid the very high risk that comes with messy text miscommunication.

So, there I am with the final draft of my text. I ask myself, did I say too much? No. Not enough? No, it’s good. The message is clear, and straight from my heart. Send. Wait. Fein interest in what’s playing on TV. Wait some more. Ping! I get a response. Hoping to see words of poetry echoing my sentiments, and perhaps leading to a longer exchange and then some (wink wink) I open the message to find… a smiley face. A smiley face!? What am I supposed to do with that!!??

Correction: The smiley face was blowing a kiss. I guess that’s supposed to add some romance? Well thanks, now I’m just melting all over myself.

With 2010 approaching I’ve gotten a little reflective about where we are today. It’s not really news that we are inundated with mediums of communication. All of which act as methods to increase the connection from person to person. Facebook connects you with that kid who always had something sticky on his face. “Remember me? We played hopscotch in grade school!” Twitter tells you that your friend on the other side of the country is, “stuck in traffic again, ugh!” We have a virtual buffet before us offering a million ways to stay connected and informed about our loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re wearing your stretchy pants, buffets are great. Who doesn’t like having options? But this should not be a substitute for intimacy. The onus is on us to foster the intimacy. Merriam Webster defines intimacy as something of a personal or private nature.

No social network can fabricate the warmth of opening yourself up to someone you trust and love. It’s a lot more complicated than drafting the perfect text message. It requires a bit of personal risk. You’ve got to feel secure enough to expose the jugular of your vulnerability trusting that your partner is going to caress it, not bite. (Well, maybe a nibble would be nice.)

We are all seeking it too. We may deny it but that doesn’t negate the desire. Everyone wants their life to be validated, intimate witnesses of the good and the bad, who choose to stay and be a part of our lives. Knowing there is someone who cares about what happens to you just because it’s happening to you and you alone adds so much meaning to life. So we continue to publicly update our status, and invite the spectators of our lives to comment. It might leave us with a cold virtual smiley face that’s blowing us a kiss through the phone, when what we really want is for someone to draw us close so we can melt into a real, warm, and demonstrative embrace, but I guess at least we are reaching out.

In our world we have hyper communication that has been afforded to us like never before, instant connection with just about everyone in our lives. But with all of this connection it has not improved our level of intimacy with one another. So how can we improve it? Well it’s like the old saying goes, in order to get a friend you’ve got to be a friend. Same thing goes for intimacy and deep connection in romantic relationships; you really get out of it what you put in.

If you are beginning a relationship and see long-term potential, begin setting the foundation for a deeper connection and it will evolve into a more meaningful one. I’m not saying take every moment to cry in each others arms while watching The Notebook, but there are a few ways of setting the stage for both parties to have more intimacy in the relationship.

For starters, walk the walk.

Show them that you can be trusted. Keep your word. When you prove that you are reliable in smaller ways it carries over. Be where you say you will be, when you say you’ll be there. Make sure that your actions and, more importantly, your attitude is consistent.

Express your certainty.

Would you invest your time and devotion to someone who was a flight risk? If there is an insecurity that leads them to think you’ll bolt next time there is a rough patch there will be little motivation for them to move forward into murky waters. Do you care about this person? Show it.

Learn a thing or two from puppy love.

We all want to be loved unconditionally, so know that your person will have imperfections, but so do you! There is an enormous sense of serenity in knowing you are accepted in spite of your flaws. When you begin to realize that the relationship is a judgment free zone, you inevitably feel more comfortable giving more of yourself to it. Be sure that your attitude conveys an appreciation for the qualities that make this person different from the rest.

Be a communicado afficionado.

If there is one thing that technology teaches us, it’s how effective communication can transform our lives. Take some time to know more about yourself and have a genuine interest and curiosity in the other person. Make time to discover and learn about each other in a variety of situations and environments while traveling and trying new things together.

Psychologists today are discussing all of the cultural implications that come with the virtual advantages and disadvantages of how we communicate today. The overall breadth of our relationships have undoubtedly expanded, but the question remains: Does the depth of the relationships that are formed satisfy our needs for intimacy?

We are the makers of our relationships, and as Csikszentmihalyi says, man is to a large extent a reflection of his construction. When constructing your next relationship with someone for whom you care deeply, take the time to undertake this enterprise with great care.

photo credit: D3 SF

By Juliet O

Yippee! Bring out the bells, the whistles, and the fancy trays of mouth-watering, calorie-laden sweets: the end-of-year holiday season has finally arrived! As this year (and decade) draws to a close, Zoosk wishes you the happiest holiday festivities and brightest spirits and cheer that this season has to offer.

Holidays bring with them a host of holly jolly things, from parties to paid vacation to presents, but our absolute favorite aspect of the holiday season will always be the unique excitement of holiday dating. The holiday merriment rubs off on even the most incorrigible Scrooge. Who doesn’t love an eggnog, peppermint schnapps, and mistletoe-fueled adrenaline rush?

But we know that desite the amazing rewards, holiday dating is not without its challenges. We want to make the entire process of dating during this time of year as easy on you as possible. We want you to stop stressing out and focus instead on enjoying yourself. To help our Zooskers navigate and cultivate their love lives during this special time of year, we’ve created the Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, a downloadable PDF that you can save on your desktop and read at your own convenience, that answers some of your most pressing questions about the rules of holiday dating.

Our guide includes holiday dating tips from relationship experts, gift-giving ideas for singles, holiday dating trends and much more. We surveyed thousands of Zooskers to find out what they really want this holiday. From what kind of gifts they wanted to what kind of date they wanted, we asked for the scoop.

Did you know that the majority — 68% — of Zooskers say that they’re looking for a long term relationship this holiday season? This guide gives you tips on how to meet someone this winter, and whether you’re just looking to land a holiday party date or if you’re on the market to establish something lasting, there are tidbits in this guide for every kind of dater.

We’ve also got expert advice from dating gurus like Rich Santos of Marie Claire, Julie Spira the best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and iVillage relationship columnist Sherry Amatenstein.

What holiday season is complete without a healthy dose of materialism? In our surveys, we asked Zooskers what kind of presents they hoped to receive from dating partners, and our Holiday Guide reveals their answers. We were pleasantly surprised to discover how completely unmaterialistic our user base is! Overwhelmingly, you guys responded that you were just hoping for a simple hug or kiss from your date this season.

Now that the question of what to get your partner is answered and filed away, you can focus on the more important thing: how to land said partner in the first place.

Since the week before Christmas marks the busiest time of year on our site, your chances of landing dates this month are statistically the highest of the year. This means that you should go out and work everything you’ve got. Flirt shamelessly. Message as many Zooskers as your greedy heart desires. The numbers show that people are looking for romance this month, so it doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there. If you’re still feeling shy, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, “Live boldly.” Other people, we’re sure, are doing the same.

What are you waiting for? Go give yourself the best gift of all this holiday season: love.

For more facts and tidbits from our Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, download the guide here on our site! Good information is a shame to waste. Tell all your friends about it — heck, tell your date about it — and go out there and take advantage of the happiest time of the year!!!

By Juliet O

Even though winter is cold and gray, there are plenty of fun icy-weather dates to be had during the months of December through February! Instead of putting on those extra five to ten pounds to keep your body warm in the frigid chill, why not meet someone sexy who raises your body temperature without raising your utility bills (and body mass index)? So turn on your computer and go to Zoosk, where 40 million singles are all putting their icy fingertips to the keyboard this season with one solitary purpose: meeting someone to hibernate with during the short days and loooong nights with (wink wink) of winter. Kiss seasonal depression good-bye with a hot winter date.

Play in the snow: go skiing or snowboarding, take a winter walk, or play it simple and build a snowman together!

Pretend that the snow is actually sand and instead of being outside in negative ten degree weather you’re actually at a Caribbean island. Just kidding. You don’t have to pretend that snow is anything other than snow, because a white winter can actually be really romantic and gorgeous in its own right. Why else are ski vacations such a popular pastime for couples? Winter walks can be lovely if you’re bundled up and holding hands, mitten to mitten. You can give each other Eskimo kisses as snowflakes drift from the halcyon sky and land in your lashes as you gaze into each others eyes. My favorite winter walks are those that occur at dusk when the moon is big and bright, the streetlamps are lit like a vintage movie, and the stars in the night sky reflect and dance off the snow. When you get home, where it’s cozy and warm, you can make hot cocoa and cuddle together on the couch while watching DVDs of romantic winter movies like It’s A Wonderful Life and March of the Penguins.

Dine together on hot foods that are typically associated with the winter season

Imaging great winter foods, a few variables come to mind. First, the food should be warm in temperature to put some warmth in your system, like chicken noodle or savory lentil soup. To protect you through the cold, the food should help you break a sweat — feel free to add the spicy hot peppers! Second, the food needs to be satisfying and comforting — something that lifts the spirit in times of chill — so think of foods that make you feel good, like cheesy casseroles, roasted game, Christmas puddings, and steaming hot gingerbread. Mmmm. And experiment with winter produce! Winter doesn’t mean that your only food choices are cabbage and potatoes — did you know that avocados, citrus fruits like grapefruits and oranges, bananas, greens like chard and kale, and root veggies like turnips, celery roots, and rutabagas are in season during the winter months too? A root veggie gratin, sauteed greens, and a desert of banana cream pie. Mmm.

Veg out at home — nothing is more romantic than being snowed-in with your romantic somebody

Snow day? Can’t go to work because there’s a foot of snow in your driveway? Or, say you live somewhere it doesn’t snow, like California — why not pretend you’re snowed in with your sweetie, even if you aren’t? The best part about winter is that you have an excuse to be a homebody. “It’s too cold; we can’t go out.” Who says you need to leave the house to have a good time? Get in front of the television with your partner and watch that marathon of Lost DVDs. Order Chinese take-out and spend the night playing board games against one another. Spend a quiet night at home reading together. Go on a baking marathon with your date and get all your Christmas cookies out of the way in one go — making sure to use the heart-shaped cookie cutter for the cookies you bake for one another. Whatever you need to do to make your winter romantic, you can do it without leaving the house.

Find your winter love on Zoosk today!

Some other articles you might be interested in:
Having good testimonials might get you a date
Are you in love with the idea of being in love?
When it comes to love it’s worth a try

photo credit: the wicked soul

By Juliet O

Using Zoosk’s Community boards is a great way to get noticed.

Of course, Zoosk’s mission is to introduce you to singles in your local area and hook you up with potential dates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make friends or join our Community discussions while you’re at it. During moments of downtime during your maelstrom of flirting, check out our Community boards for relevant dating tips, fun conversation, and online dating success stories from our users.

The Community is also a fun way to get to know people from all over the world. If you’re not opposed to a long distance relationship, you can even meet people on the Community boards. We’ve had it happen before! All you have to do to go to a person’s profile from the Community pages is click on their photo. The right hand side of a Community post also shows if a Zoosker is currently online, how many posts they’ve made, and how long they’ve been on Zoosk. To message a person from the Community boards, all you need to do is click the little envelope icon below their photo. See below.

Whenever you make a community post, it goes on your status feed as well, as Zoosk’s status feed that gets shown to Zooskers within your search criteria. Yet another way to get noticed — not a bad deal! We also host contests on our Community for coins and other prizes. Who doesn’t love prizes? I hope you’re convinced now that Community participation is fun! Of course, it’s totally up to you, but we’d like to to know that it’s an option, and a good one at that.

What’s a testimonial? A testimonial is a short blurb from a friend or acquaintance that says something positive about you. We publish third party testimonials on Zoosk because testimonials are a great way to give potential matches more information about you from people who know you. It gives someone who looks at your profile the chance to hear something nice about you from a third party. Because this information is coming from a source who knows personally, it gives credibility to the fact that those great things they say about you are true. It’s uncouth to brag openly about yourself, so why not have one of your friends brag about you on your behalf?

If you’re wondering about how the get testimonials for your Date Card, read on for step-by-step instructions! Log into Zoosk and go to your Date Card tab. At the very bottom, below where you enter your favorite music, movies, and books, you’ll see bold text that says “Testimonials”. If you do not have any testimonials, the page will say, “You do not have any testimonials” and show a link that asks you to invite your friends to offer testimonials for you. Click this link to get testimonials! It will take you to the next page, screenshot below.

Clicking “Invite friends to get more testimonials!” will take you to a page that looks like the image above. You can invite people from your email networks, like Gmail, Yahoo Mail, Windows Live, and AOL. All you need to do is enter your email login name and password and click “Continue.” Zoosk does not store any passwords. This feature uses the same technology that helps you locate contacts on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or other social networking sites and doesn’t store any of your or your contacts’ information. Once you click continue, the screen will pull up a list of your contacts. You can choose specific contacts and send them a request. Your contacts do not have to be Zoosk or Facebook members.

You can also invite people straight from Facebook. On the same page there will be a link, highlighted in yellow, that says “Invite your Facebook friends to write testimonials for you”. Click that link and you will see your Facebook friends pop up on the next page. Simply choose which friends you’d like to get testimonials from.

If you would prefer not to upload your Facebook friends or to load your Gmail or Yahoo Mail contacts, or if you use a different email server that isn’t listed on the sidebar, you can invite  your friends to send their testimonials by directly typing in their email addresses into the system. We then automatically send testimonial invites to their inbox. Click the link that says “or type in your friends email addresses” and you will be directed to a page that looks like the screenshot below.

Put your emails in the blanks and click “Invite Now.” You’re done!

Once they’ve written a testimonial for you, you’ll get an email at the same address you use to log into Zoosk (if you use Zoosk as a FB application, this will be at the same email address you use to log into Facebook). This is the same email where you get all the other Zoosk notifications, like notices about messages and updates on our site. The email will look just like the screencap below.

The testimonial your friend submitted will be now on your Zoosk Date Card. It will be on the side bar, to the left of your personal information. See?

Doesn’t it look great? Now potential Zooskers will be able to read awesome tidbits and compliments about you from your friends. What better way to advertise what a great catch you are than to get a testimonial from someone who knows you already? Get a testimonial today!