You had me at “hello.”
“Baby, you’re like a student and I’m a math book. You solve all of my problems.” Unfortunately gentlemen, those cheesy and at times even nauseating pick up lines are usually associated with men rather than women, but I have never been a big a fan of gender roles so I’d like to help the ladies pick up some steam on approaching a man.
I’m about to disclose a vital piece of information that will come as no surprise, but should not be taken lightly: The beauty of men is they are pretty straightforward. Studies show that men like their pick up lines to be direct! So don’t waste your time with subtleties. No more beating around the bush. You might have to put a little more out there, but by being direct you can be sure that your message won’t be lost in translation. As we all know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so for our purposes we are going to unravel the mystery of how to effectively approach those martians that we all love so much. Did I say martians? I meant men.
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Add comment October 23, 2009
How to talk about relationships without talking about relationships
By Juliet O
You know in those beginning stages of getting to know someone (whether in real life or online) when you know you like this person but you’re trying to figure out if they like you? You don’t really know how they feel 100% (plus you’re shy) so you don’t really want to start talking about being “in a relationship”, plus you don’t know how to bring up the topic in the first place without being the weirdo who brings up the topic in the first place. Right? How existential and circular. I feel like I’m in a Charlie Kaufman screenplay. But seriously, how do you talk about relationships without talking about relationships? Specifically, how do you say things like “I want to be in a relationship with you but let’s talk about it” without sending out total creep or stalker or crazy person vibes?
Through my extensive first person research and years spent analyzing this very topic exactly, I know of some great methods for talking about relationships without talking about relationships. There are ways, as counterintuitive as it seems, to bring up the relationship chat without explicitly bringing it up. I suppose some people would view this as a failure of communication, but I think of it more as “communicating subtly” (i.e. self preservation). For the shy ones out there, here’s how you do it.
Add comment October 22, 2009
Vote Zoosk for Best Facebook App in Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards
Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).
How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.
Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back? 
Add comment October 19, 2009
Zooskers weigh in on jealousy and how to prevent it
By Juliet O
If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.
Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.
1 comment October 17, 2009
Why do we look for love?
By Juliet O
Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.
I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.
4 comments October 15, 2009
The importance of being earnest
By Juliet Ohai
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word earnest as: “a serious and intent mental state”. What does earnestness mean in connection to our personal relationships? We can view earnestness as our sincerity in relationships, our honest decision to really be ourselves. In a nutshell, our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities. It is our conscious decision never to lie about ourselves or present ourselves falsely to those we love.
Part of the process of being in love means that we must let go out our fears and struggles. Love means baring your soul to another person. How do we do this? Naturally, it’s not always easy. The process takes time, trust, and commitment.
Perhaps we don’t open ourselves up right away. In fact, in the beginning, before we really grow to know another person and before we can trust our judgments when it comes to that person, perhaps it’s not so wise to bare our souls without hesitation. But once we decide that we are going to commit, that the leap into a serious relationship is one that we want to take, then we must also take the leap of faith and relinquish any fear we might have of being completely vulnerable.
5 comments October 12, 2009
Go Ahead; Make a Big Deal Out of Nothing!
All it takes is one glance through the relationship section of any magazine to realize that relationships can be tough sometimes. It isn’t really a news flash that relationship roadblocks are inevitable, is it? So let’s step away from the magazine rack and stop memorizing the six simple steps for training your lover to be your dream lover.
Flip it around! Why is so much energy spent on focusing on the flaws of relationships and so little spent emphasizing their worth? Take some time to revel in the little things that make a relationship so rewarding! Zoosk’s prerogative is to introduce you to that one-and-only who will take you from “single and searching” to “happily in love,” because we believe in the value that a relationship has to offer.
Relationship experts all agree that an attitude of appreciation for a loved one can only make your bond grow stronger. It may seem like a strange phenomenon, but the more you take time to celebrate the positive in your relationship, you’ll find there are more and more positive things to actually celebrate. There really isn’t much in a relationship that we can control, but we can control our choice to focus on those moments that may seem ordinary, and by appreciating them they transform into extraordinary moments. We know that when two people celebrate even the smallest pleasures, there is a deeper connection and a greater love. Who doesn’t want more love?
So we went to our community members for inspiration and asked them to make a big deal out of nothing, so to speak. We asked them to call out the little things they love about relationships and, in doing so, they truly brought the ordinary moments to life as extraordinary ones.
Warning: If you’re self conscious about your softer side, you might want to clear the room. I’m just saying, it’s possible that the following quotes will bring tears to your eyes.
Take a look at just a few of the little things our Zooskers believe should not be taken for granted:
- “I love when a guy brushes the hair out of your face, lightly strokes his hand down your face and tells you that he loves you.”
- “When we’re lying down in bed and I’m holding her in my arms, I love it when she grabs onto my hand and snuggles in tighter. You get to feel her body heat against my body. Smell the fragrance from her hair, and feel completely comfortable before you finally doze off. Not even the dreams you have once you fall asleep compare to that lil’ happiness you have right beforehand.”
- “Those moments of unexpected hugs or a quick twirl around the room as my favorite song is playing on the stereo”
- “Having someone to sit outside and share a cup of cocoa or a cold beer with after the chores are done and the kids are asleep..”
- “Eskimo kisses, when you rub your noses together. I love the ‘look.’ The look that means everything like, ‘God, I’m so happy your mine, and that I’m here with you now in this world at this very moment’”
- “I love it when he comes into a room full of people and me and he eyes me and walks quickly but nonchalantly to me and gives me a ‘hello, I have missed you so and am so glad to see you’ kiss. I love when he takes my hand and leads me safely through a crowed place.”
- “Going through my day not noticing any other girl, even if they are flirtatious. All that is on my mind is the one waiting for me to be back in her arms.”
- “The comfort of having someone there simply because they want to be there with and for you.”
- “The way that he wraps his arms around your waist when he goes in for a kiss and holds you tight. It just makes me want to stay there forever.”
- “The way my lips still tingle after a soft kiss, knowing that it’ll happen again soon.”
- “Sitting by a warm and cozy bonfire, watching the sunset while having my boyfriend’s hand in mine.”
- “When she comes up behind me and kisses my neck, runs her hands down my chest, and hugs me tight, being able to smell her in the process.”
- “Sometimes when I’m asleep before she gets home and she gets into bed, her waking me up. Instantly she is in my arms like she wanted to be there all day. As silly as it sounds, when I come up behind her and give her a light spank. Seeing her jump, squeal, laugh and then give me a look like, ‘I’m gonna get you for that.’”
- “When I get a special unscheduled lunch visit from the other half.”
- “I miss holding a woman while falling asleep. It makes me that much more relax knowing I have someone next to me and I have a need to protect someone.”
- “Acting silly with somebody that doesn’t judge you for it.”
- “Standing in the kitchen with my back to the room, doing dishes, cooking, or whatever and having him sneak up behind me, wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me against him and kissing the back of my neck.”
- “The softly whispered words, I love you, and knowing he really, really means it.”
- “I love waking up in the middle of the night next to him and asking him to hold me. Then when he pulls me into his arms I snuggle back down and go to sleep listening to his breathing. I love the touch.”
Sigh. That was better than watching Julia Roberts tell Hugh Grant that “she is just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” You know what movie I’m talking about.
Bottom line: Life is short. So love hard. By all means, please make a big deal out of nothing.
Add comment October 10, 2009
6 ideas for dating on a budget
By Juliet O
Why spend your hard earned money on expensive dinners, theater tickets, and humongous bar tabs, when there are so many fun dating ideas that can be done for absolutely free? Here are 6 fun, free ways you can spoil your Zoosk honey — without spending a single dime.
Make like a romantic comedy and head for the park
Public parks are lovely places to go kick up some romance, especially during the fall now that the leaves are changing color and the air smells so lovely and crisp. Take your date over to your favorite park on a crisp autumn afternoon, put a blanket under a tree, and get to know each other over a thermos of hot chocolate that you’ve brought from home. Bonus points if you have a dog! Park + dog + date = so cute it could be a scene from a romantic comedy.
Add comment October 9, 2009
Some conversation ideas for a first date
By Juliet Ohai
First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.
One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.
So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.
4 comments October 7, 2009
This one is for the guys: How to talk to women 101
By Juliet Ohai
Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.
The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.
As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.
Do not objectify women.
I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?
Misogyny will not get you dates.
This point is self-evident.
Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.
Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.
15 comments October 4, 2009
