Some conversation ideas for a first date
By Juliet Ohai
First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.
One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.
So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.
4 comments October 7, 2009
This one is for the guys: How to talk to women 101
By Juliet Ohai
Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.
The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.
As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.
Do not objectify women.
I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?
Misogyny will not get you dates.
This point is self-evident.
Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.
Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.
15 comments October 4, 2009
Some simple rules you should know about text messaging and online dating
by Juliet O
While text messaging is generally seen as pretty unromantic, it can actually be a very useful dating tool. A self-identified text message addict, I believe that, when done right, text messages are actually useful in the beginning states of building a relationship. Think about it: texting allows you to have a constant stream of communication with an individual that you are seeing — not as an alternative, but rather an addition, to calling — an added-value to traditional phone conversation. Specifically, I love getting text messages from people just to say “good morning” or “good night”. A basic “How are you” or a “How is your day” text message is a nice, welcome interruption in the middle of a day. Sometimes, the simplest text messages can seem the most romantic. Something as seemingly mundane as an “I’m thinking about you” text message can be an incredibly sweet gesture, and when used correctly, a well-crafted text message can put butterflies in your sweetie’s stomach and stars in their eyes.
So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet on Zoosk? Here’s some textiquette guidelines, tailored from an online dating perspective.
2 comments October 1, 2009
Fall is in the air — 6 ideas for a great autumn date!
By Juliet O
Who doesn’t love the unique smells and sights of autumn? Fall is in the air, and everywhere I look, I can see signs of the season changing. The leaves are starting to change color, the mornings and evenings feel crisp and cool, and we’re dusting off the sweaters and scarves we’ve set aside in the heat of summer. Even in a place where there are no ‘real’ seasons (San Francisco), I can sense subtle changes that let me know it’s time to eat lots of apples, pumpkins, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash.
Fall also ushers in new, interesting opportunities for fun dating. No other season offers you the chance to take your sweetie apple-picking, tailgating, or on a rustic nature drive to see the brightly colored leaves. Celebrate the new season with these 6 great date ideas — and make the chilly days just a little bit warmer.
1 comment September 29, 2009
Our Zooskers, on the meaning of love.
By Juliet O
You Zooskers are a romantic bunch. We recently posed the question on our community pages, “What is your definition of love?” The responses we received were varied and astute — and simultaneously romantic and accurate.
Love, by its very nature, is almost impossible to define. Even geniuses like Albert Einstein admit their bafflement when it comes to explaining this emotional phenomenon. Love appears to resist our ability to rationalize it, as well as our attempts to tie it down to any unified definition. “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” asked Einstein. We don’t know either, Einstein. However, in finding love within our own lives and in choosing to participate in the act of loving, we attempt to explain love by our behaviors that characterize this emotion — one that exists within the mysterious shrouds of subjectivity. We all express and experience love differently, and it was interesting hearing your individual perceptions, lovely Zooskers, of this singular, exquisite emotion.
5 comments September 28, 2009
How to be a better online flirt
By Juliet O
Being a flirt, online or IRL (in real life) takes a certain level of finesse. Some people are naturally charismatic, effortless flirts. Other people become successful flirts by learning the tricks of the trade through trial and error. Others flirt minimally or not at all. We use the term “flirt” very loosely. When we say flirt, we do not mean cheesy compliments and canned pick-up lines. Saying something like “there is a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them” is not flirting with another individual. That’s just flirting with disaster.
By flirting, we mean the art of witty and spontaneous banter. By flirting, we mean using dialogue and conversation to attract people to you, engaging with people in a light-hearted, fun, easy, and graceful way to bond with people romantically. With the medium of online dating, success necessarily involves utilizing the written word (i.e. your online flirting ability) as a social skill.
Composing a dashing and coquettish email is not as difficult as it seems. Just as there are tips and tricks with flirting in real life, there are rules (and shortcuts) with flirting online. So how do you turn your drab little “Hi, my name is…” email into a sparkling, enchanting, tantalizing series of bon mots sure to send any reader into throes of ecstatic bliss? Harness all your writing ability, and get ready to become a veritable Lord Byron, because it’s not as hard as it seems. Here are some tips on how you can use your pen as Cupid uses his arrow, piercing the hearts of everyone around you with the undeniable magnetism and sublimity of your belles-lettres.
5 comments September 27, 2009
10 qualities to look for in a successful match
By Juliet O
What are some keys to a healthy relationship? All great relationships have certain things in common. Here is a list of the qualities to look for in building a great, lasting relationship with someone. I challenge you to find a single example of a good, functioning relationship that does not exhibit all of these characteristics. The following are universal characteristics of all wonderful relationships, and you deserve to find a person who exhibits them all:
10. Empathy
An individual’s ability to empathize with you is crucial in a relationship. Empathy is an important relationship skill that both parties should develop. Empathy is the ability to view the world from your partner’s eyes. Being able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes is essential to building a long term relationship based on mutual understanding. Empathy means being a team, a “we” rather than an isolated “I”.
9 comments September 24, 2009
10 things to avoid when choosing a date
By Juliet O
We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to love. Love can blind us to a person’s faults. In love’s darker moments, when confronted with warning signs that tell us blatantly that we shouldn’t be with this person we foolishly love, and that they are hurting us, we stubbornly choose to ignore them despite our better judgment.
Luckily, when we are faced with our own catastrophic mistakes, we can learn from them and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Falling for the wrong person is one of the biggest — and most painful — mistakes you can make in the game of love. You shouldn’t feel too bad if you’ve ever loved someone who ripped your heart out of your chest to use like a soccer ball. We’ve all been there, seriously. But from a person who’s been in that situation, I hope it never happens again and that we all learn from our mistakes. So, seasoned daters — here are 10 types of daters you should avoid at all cost to prevent future heartache. Pay attention to these red flags!
3 comments September 23, 2009
10 ways you can enjoy being single
By Juliet O
We love being single here at Zoosk. And we hope you singles out there are enjoying and celebrating your singlehood. We’re an online dating website, so obviously, we don’t want you to remain single forever. However, we believe that in order to be successful in a relationship, you have to first be okay with being single. It’s like that old saying: to love another person you have to first love yourself. To celebrate singles everywhere, we’ve come up with 10 simple, easy ways you can make the most out of being single (and ready to mingle).
10. Go out to a great dinner with your single friends
One of the best aspects of being single is hanging out with your single friends. Spending time with couples is okay, but from a singleton myself, I definitely prefer hanging out with fellow singles. We’re just more fun! And we definitely know how to party. This week, organize a dinner with your single pals. Whether its casual or elegant, raucous or sedate, go somewhere for food and drinks with the company of people you enjoy spending time with.
3 comments September 22, 2009
Remember to celebrate being single this week!
By Juliet O
Hello singles. Are you celebrating? Because in case it’s escaped your radar, this week is National Singles Week!
20 years ago, a group of people known as the Buckeye Singles Council created NSW to celebrate the lives and accomplishments of single and unmarried people, and to recognize their important contributions to society (like keeping bars and nightclubs open!). Since its inception, NSW has become widely observed around the world.
Coinciding with National Singles Week, we conducted a survey of over a thousand of our Zooskers, asking you for your thoughts on single and unmarried life. The results are fascinating. Contrary to what you might think, we found that the men we surveyed voted that they’d rather settle down in a relationship, while the women we surveyed stated that they enjoyed being single. 49% of men wish they weren’t single, as opposed to 31.5% of women.
We also found that Zooskers, overall, have quite a romantic viewpoint on love.
(more…)
Add comment September 21, 2009
