Posts Tagged community moderation
How to talk about relationships without talking about relationships
By Juliet O
You know in those beginning stages of getting to know someone (whether in real life or online) when you know you like this person but you’re trying to figure out if they like you? You don’t really know how they feel 100% (plus you’re shy) so you don’t really want to start talking about being “in a relationship”, plus you don’t know how to bring up the topic in the first place without being the weirdo who brings up the topic in the first place. Right? How existential and circular. I feel like I’m in a Charlie Kaufman screenplay. But seriously, how do you talk about relationships without talking about relationships? Specifically, how do you say things like “I want to be in a relationship with you but let’s talk about it” without sending out total creep or stalker or crazy person vibes?
Through my extensive first person research and years spent analyzing this very topic exactly, I know of some great methods for talking about relationships without talking about relationships. There are ways, as counterintuitive as it seems, to bring up the relationship chat without explicitly bringing it up. I suppose some people would view this as a failure of communication, but I think of it more as “communicating subtly” (i.e. self preservation). For the shy ones out there, here’s how you do it.
Add comment October 22, 2009
Vote Zoosk for Best Facebook App in Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards
Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).
How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.
Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back? 
Add comment October 19, 2009
Zooskers weigh in on jealousy and how to prevent it
By Juliet O
If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.
Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.
1 comment October 17, 2009
Why do we look for love?
By Juliet O
Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.
I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.
4 comments October 15, 2009
The importance of being earnest
By Juliet Ohai
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word earnest as: “a serious and intent mental state”. What does earnestness mean in connection to our personal relationships? We can view earnestness as our sincerity in relationships, our honest decision to really be ourselves. In a nutshell, our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities. It is our conscious decision never to lie about ourselves or present ourselves falsely to those we love.
Part of the process of being in love means that we must let go out our fears and struggles. Love means baring your soul to another person. How do we do this? Naturally, it’s not always easy. The process takes time, trust, and commitment.
Perhaps we don’t open ourselves up right away. In fact, in the beginning, before we really grow to know another person and before we can trust our judgments when it comes to that person, perhaps it’s not so wise to bare our souls without hesitation. But once we decide that we are going to commit, that the leap into a serious relationship is one that we want to take, then we must also take the leap of faith and relinquish any fear we might have of being completely vulnerable.
5 comments October 12, 2009
Some conversation ideas for a first date
By Juliet Ohai
First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.
One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.
So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.
4 comments October 7, 2009
This one is for the guys: How to talk to women 101
By Juliet Ohai
Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.
The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.
As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.
Do not objectify women.
I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?
Misogyny will not get you dates.
This point is self-evident.
Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.
Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.
15 comments October 4, 2009
Some simple rules you should know about text messaging and online dating
by Juliet O
While text messaging is generally seen as pretty unromantic, it can actually be a very useful dating tool. A self-identified text message addict, I believe that, when done right, text messages are actually useful in the beginning states of building a relationship. Think about it: texting allows you to have a constant stream of communication with an individual that you are seeing — not as an alternative, but rather an addition, to calling — an added-value to traditional phone conversation. Specifically, I love getting text messages from people just to say “good morning” or “good night”. A basic “How are you” or a “How is your day” text message is a nice, welcome interruption in the middle of a day. Sometimes, the simplest text messages can seem the most romantic. Something as seemingly mundane as an “I’m thinking about you” text message can be an incredibly sweet gesture, and when used correctly, a well-crafted text message can put butterflies in your sweetie’s stomach and stars in their eyes.
So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet on Zoosk? Here’s some textiquette guidelines, tailored from an online dating perspective.
2 comments October 1, 2009
Fall is in the air — 6 ideas for a great autumn date!
By Juliet O
Who doesn’t love the unique smells and sights of autumn? Fall is in the air, and everywhere I look, I can see signs of the season changing. The leaves are starting to change color, the mornings and evenings feel crisp and cool, and we’re dusting off the sweaters and scarves we’ve set aside in the heat of summer. Even in a place where there are no ‘real’ seasons (San Francisco), I can sense subtle changes that let me know it’s time to eat lots of apples, pumpkins, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash.
Fall also ushers in new, interesting opportunities for fun dating. No other season offers you the chance to take your sweetie apple-picking, tailgating, or on a rustic nature drive to see the brightly colored leaves. Celebrate the new season with these 6 great date ideas — and make the chilly days just a little bit warmer.
1 comment September 29, 2009
Our Zooskers, on the meaning of love.
By Juliet O
You Zooskers are a romantic bunch. We recently posed the question on our community pages, “What is your definition of love?” The responses we received were varied and astute — and simultaneously romantic and accurate.
Love, by its very nature, is almost impossible to define. Even geniuses like Albert Einstein admit their bafflement when it comes to explaining this emotional phenomenon. Love appears to resist our ability to rationalize it, as well as our attempts to tie it down to any unified definition. “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” asked Einstein. We don’t know either, Einstein. However, in finding love within our own lives and in choosing to participate in the act of loving, we attempt to explain love by our behaviors that characterize this emotion — one that exists within the mysterious shrouds of subjectivity. We all express and experience love differently, and it was interesting hearing your individual perceptions, lovely Zooskers, of this singular, exquisite emotion.
5 comments September 28, 2009
