By Juliet O

You know in those beginning stages of getting to know someone (whether in real life or online) when you know you like this person but you’re trying to figure out if they like you? You don’t really know how they feel 100% (plus you’re shy) so you don’t really want to start talking about being “in a relationship”, plus you don’t know how to bring up the topic in the first place without being the weirdo who brings up the topic in the first place. Right? How existential and circular. I feel like I’m in a Charlie Kaufman screenplay. But seriously, how do you talk about relationships without talking about relationships? Specifically, how do you say things like “I want to be in a relationship with you but let’s talk about it” without sending out total creep or stalker or crazy person vibes?

Through my extensive first person research and years spent analyzing this very topic exactly, I know of some great methods for talking about relationships without talking about relationships. There are ways, as counterintuitive as it seems, to bring up the relationship chat without explicitly bringing it up. I suppose some people would view this as a failure of communication, but I think of it more as “communicating subtly” (i.e. self preservation). For the shy ones out there, here’s how you do it.

Talk about love, vaguely and generally.

What better way to segue into the relationship chat than to talk about love? Rather than being all “So what are we?” you can simply talk about your feelings and hopes and desires. This is an ingenious way to talk about a potential relationship, because you can give very concrete and specific opinions you have on love and then ask for affirmation or denial. If you get affirmation, great, perhaps you have more courage now to move forward and explicitly state your wants. If you get denied, then you know that you should probably stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and move on. Like? “They say that the moment you meet someone you realize you could love, you know it. Do you agree?” Hint.

Bring up a scenario in a movie/novel/play/music video that mirrors your situation.

There are millions of instances in popular culture where this very emotional conundrum appears. Uncertain love is everywhere, so find a situation that sort of mirrors your own and bring it up and see what your person has to say. For instance, if I was totally in love with my friend but he didn’t realize it, I’d bring up the movie Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) and say something to the effect of, “I feel sort of like Mary Stuart Masterson’s character in that movie.” And then I’d look at my guy and see if he starts shying away uncomfortably or if he looks into my eyes and tells me that he wants to be with me forever.

Make your person listen to a really romantic love song, inch closer to them, and see how they respond.

This one works every time. So you are feeling crazy romantic toward someone but you’re sort of getting mixed signals and you want to see once and for all if they’re into you that way or just want to be friends? Pop a love song (something super cheesy like “True” by Spandau Ballet) while you’re alone together, sitting on the couch maybe, and then move closer to them and see what happens. Maybe you should make an entire playlist in case things start going really, really well. If they’re not into you, they’ll get awkward and move away. If they’re into you, they’ll put up with your advances, and then who knows what will happen.

Talk about past relationships, but not in a nostalgic way.

If you really want this thing you have with someone to turn into a relationship, another way to bring up the relationship chat is to talk about past relationships. Talk about how your relationships developed, how you knew it was love, what you did in the beginning of that relationship when things were uncertain, and then cautiously move the conversation toward your situation with this new person. Again, if they’re not having it, they’ll change the subject and you can move on with your life. If they start talking to you about their relationships in return, this is perfect timing to bridge the topic of the possibility of a new relationship, between the two of you.

Talk about how you want to avoid dating people who aren’t on the same page as you.

If none of the above approaches sound like they’ll work for you (like if your person is totally dense and doesn’t respond well to hints), then maybe you need to be more direct. How can you be more direct without being entirely direct? Why not just bring up how you hate people who string you along or lead you on and then look at them accusingly? This approach might not work for everyone, but it’s sure to bring the skeletons tumbling out of the closer if your person is really, in fact, leading you on. Who, if they are leading someone on, can stand there innocently as someone is essentially going off on people who lead people on, and then staring accusingly?

I hope these tips help. Obviously the best advice is just to be direct, but I understand that it’s not always easy and sometimes we need a temporary crutch before we go back to being the honest, earnest people we are.

Photo credit: zabara_tango

Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).

How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.

Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back?

By Juliet O

If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.

Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.

It makes sense that the closer you get to someone the more susceptible your relationship might be to issues of jealousy. The closer you get to someone, the more vulnerable you get and the more you have to lose if this person steps out of your life. As you fall in love, you are letting your defenses down and opening yourself up to be hurt by someone. But love means that you have to trust that the other person won’t hurt you and won’t break your heart. If they love you, they won’t. If they love you, they’re also opening themselves to that same level of vulnerability. While the stakes get higher, you and your partner are both on the same team. But jealousy assumes that both parties aren’t on the same team, that there’s a power dynamic, that one person stands to win if the other person loses. This is no way to love. Jealousy is unhealthy and destructive. It is everything that love is not.

How can we control jealousy in relationships? How can we live free of jealousy, let go of our insecurities, and love openly? I posed this question to our Zoosk Community, and the responses I received were thoughtful, accurate, and full of wisdom and truth. If you need advice on how to control your jealousy, look no further than these tidbits of wisdom from our Zooskers:

“Jealousy does stem from insecurity. I think it’s more about how we act when we feel jealous that matters than the idea of trying NOT to be jealous. It’s been my experience that the more we try to NOT feel one way or another. It’s a hard balance to walk, but I think we just need to learn to recognize it when we feel jealous and to keep it at a reasonable level. I also think it’s critical to talk with your significant other when things make you feel jealous. To explain (in a non-confrontational manner) that you feel jealous and explain why you feel that way. Make it clearly understood (if the behavior the jealousy stemmed from was reasonable) that you’re not wanting them to change the behavior but simply sharing your reaction to it so they understand where you’re coming from.” -SemperTry

“I don’t like being jealous, and I am working on it as well. If someone breaks that trust with me, then I do not know what I will do. I have a hard time trusting people. My last relationship, I was jealous and was possessive and controlling. I do not want to be that same person if I were to be with somebody else. It is a horrible feeling to be jealous and have insecurities. Everybody has insecurities but it’s up to you to control them, and establish that trust and do not break it.  I feel if I continue to grow as a better person for myself, and feel good about it, then it would maybe work out better in my relationships. Again, trust is a huge deal.” -Reana

“I think that jealousy is normal to a point, then it grows irrational. If you are going to be in a healthy relationship, there needs to be a measure of trust. Both people need to be able to go out with their friends, both male and female, and just do their own thing. Then it makes it that much more exciting to see the other person later on. You get to tell each other the stories of what you both did. And you don’t have to go separate ways all the time. Going out together with friends is good, too. Just not good every single time.” -Artsydoodlebug88

“Jealousy can manifest even if there is not a lack of trust or no insecurity involved. I myself have felt that form of jealousy. I don’t know if you can have a love relationship and never feel any type of jealousy. It sounds strong and noble to say you are not a jealous person and feel no jealousy for any reason, but personally I would have to question the deepness of my woman’s love for me if I flirted around and showered other girls with attention while not showing my woman an equal amount of attention at least, and she didn’t feel a scrap of jealousy that her man gave more attention to other women than to her.” -Voice Guy

“I think jealousy is a human feeling that should be one of the seven deadliest. Furthermore I think jealousy stems from someone having the ability to cheat on their partner their selves. Or perhaps they do not have a fair amount of self esteem or confidence. Meaning if someone is doing something I do not like as in a behavior I probably have that behavior myself. I may be to a greater or lesser degree but it is there. So, it is my belief when someone is jealous they cannot be trusted themselves. I hold to the belief that the more mature a person gets and the more secure they are in themselves they will lose the penchant to exhibit jealous tendencies.” -Chefboy

It seems that Zooskers agree that jealousy is a negative force on relationships and has the power to destroy them completely. Our Zooskers also agree that jealousy stems from insecurity and lack of trust. Rather than controlling people with jealous behavior, we should all try to be more mindful of our own issues. Treat jealousy at its source. Look into your own mind and ask yourself where your insecurities come from. Recognize that your jealousy has more to do with your insecurities than it does with your partner’s behavior. The path to overcoming jealousy is inside you and no one else!

Photo credit: Nifty

By Juliet O

Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.

I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.

“My life would not be as happy without love, and I know I need some kind of romantic love and intimacy to feel content, but other than that, I suppose I search because someday, I hope to really find the puzzle piece that I have yet to grasp my fingers around!” -Carly

“I myself am fine being alone but it’s instinctual to want to connect. Humans by nature are communal. Most of us just want to connect with others. We want to share our lives with someone because it brings purpose for our being.” -Brian

“Looking for love is more about finding someone worth sharing all of these wonderful and beautiful things in life with at a level that friends just can’t. Not to mention there’s nothing like coming home to the open arms of someone special when you think you’ve had more than you can take.” -Shannon

“‘I’m looking because life is too short to waste away. It’s best shared with someone special who fills in the gaps. Someone to share the little things and big things with. Someone to laugh and joke around with… someone who will for no reason smile and out of the blue rock your world just because it feels good. Someone to be himself and you be yourself. What more can you ask for??? Love is special and should be shared with that someone.” -Angelina_Ace95

“I’m looking for love because I want that special connection. I want to be some gal’s man and for her to be my gal.” -Jason

“My reasons are to have someone to connect with, especially emotionally and mentally. I do not think you can find that in this world a lot, but it’s rare also. I definitely miss every little thing about being in a serious relationship, the hugs and kisses, the falling asleep together, being your natural self around someone totally different from you, it’s an amazing feeling. The main thing is I want to have someone that I can be myself completely, and we both can receive what we want from the other person equally and respectfully. I want to be in love, that real love.” -Reana

“My reasons? In some way I’m not entirely sure… I guess it’s for that feeling of warmth of having another person around. I guess love to me is what happiness is. To see the one you love’s smile once more, there is nothing more wonderful than that. I would do anything, to have that feeling again. That is my reason to be here. In the hope of finding someone who would smile everyday for me.” -fight_for_freedom_12

“Taking a drive to admire fall color, or Christmas lights, or what have you without someone is just really not worth the bother. Cuddling is simply impossible without someone to share it with, I’ve had nobody to give a foot rub to since she left and it’s driving me nuts. I also miss having somebody around whose back needs scratching. Not having an outlet for this stuff is much harder than I anticipated, nobody to send camera phone pics of flowers or blue sky, nobody to share the little details of our days. It’s enough to make a guy take up blogging even if nobody reads it just to get it out!” -rollerdave

“Loneliness would have to be the most heartbreaking experience one can go through. I believe that it is a very slow and painful death. The desire to share and connect with another is intense. Essentially the longing to share a meal, conversation, laugh, drink, cuddle…perhaps more is a drive that rages in the pit of out subconscious whether we like it or not.” -pip_squeak

“Looking for my other half gives me insight into people, them and myself. It lets me see the bright and dark side of so many people, the grey areas and how they all tie together and work. In an odd way, it helps me see how bad habits or bad intentions can be used for good things.” -S H

“I have always dreamed of making a family, being a father, being a husband, etc. It’s been one of my long term goals since I was sixteen years old. I was never one for ‘casual flings’. That sort of thing always seemed like a waste of time, energy and emotion to me.” -Jes

“I look for love because its just one of those beautiful things you can’t replicate. You can’t force it and you can’t do it alone.” -Lascial

Everyone searches for love for different reasons. Some of us don’t want to be alone. Some of us want someone to share our experiences with. Some of us like the security of having someone there who will stand by us no matter what. Regardless of our reasons, the drive or desire for love is something that is innate to the human experience and is as complicated as the emotion of love itself.

Photo credit: aussiegall

By Juliet Ohai

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word earnest as:  “a serious and intent mental state”. What does earnestness mean in connection to our personal relationships? We can view earnestness as our sincerity in relationships, our honest decision to really be ourselves. In a nutshell, our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities. It is our conscious decision never to lie about ourselves or present ourselves falsely to those we love.

Part of the process of being in love means that we must let go out our fears and struggles. Love means baring your soul to another person. How do we do this? Naturally, it’s not always easy. The process takes time, trust, and commitment.

Perhaps we don’t open ourselves up right away. In fact, in the beginning, before we really grow to know another person and before we can trust our judgments when it comes to that person, perhaps it’s not so wise to bare our souls without hesitation. But once we decide that we are going to commit, that the leap into a serious relationship is one that we want to take, then we must also take the leap of faith and relinquish any fear we might have of being completely vulnerable.

In fact, by choosing the path of dishonesty we cause irrecoverable harm to our relationships, particularly if the other person has instilled their trust in us. Dishonesty can be as simple as holding a part of yourself back from a partner  or keeping secrets from a partner while knowing that it will ultimately impact the relationship. Have you ever known the feeling of discovering a secret about someone you love, a secret that they had held back from you? Didn’t it feel like a betrayal?

Choose the path of honesty in relationships. In your quest to build a legacy with your partner and loved one, start off on the right path. The decision to be honest in all things we do will not only benefit our relationships with our loved ones, but is valuable tenet that benefits all our relationships in general, including our relationships to ourselves. Never forget the importance of being earnest.

photo credit: hamed masoumi

By Juliet Ohai

First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.

One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.

So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.

Day to day activities

• Ask your date what they did that day. Did they have a good day?
• How was work? Are you doing anything interesting or exciting at the office?
• Did your date do anything fun over the past week or weekend? Ask how their week went.

Personal history

• Where is your date originally from?
• Where did your date grow up?
• Where did your date go to college (if so)?
• How many brothers or sisters does your date have? Asking about family is always a good resort. Ask what it was like to grow up in the kind of family they grew up in.

Personal tastes

• Asking about music is always a good call when you run out of things to say. Ask what kind of music your date enjoys.
• Movies are safe talking territory. What was the last movie your date saw?
• Books are safe too. Has your date read a good book lately?
• What kind of food does your date enjoy? Talking about food is great because you might be able to casually slip in plans to have a second date. “Oh, you enjoy ____ food? I know a great place…”

Goals and passions

• Try to find what it is your date is passionate about. What are some of their interests? Do they have any passions/hobbies that they spend a lot of time working on?
• What are some goals they have for their life or career?

Local questions

• If you’re dating a person in your local area, it’s great to ask them some local questions, like where do they go for fun?
• What are some of your date’s favorite restaurants or bars? You can always ask, “Have you ever been to _____ yet?”
• What is your date’s neighborhood like, if they live in a different neighborhood than you?
• If you like the great outdoors, talk about fun outdoor activities available to you in your local area.

Random life questions

• Where has your date traveled and where would they want to go one day?
• If your date was stuck on a desert island, what 3 things would they bring?
• How would your date describe themselves in 3 words?
• What’s one thing your date has never done, but which they’d love to do one day?

Don’t ever let first date nerves take away your tongue. It’s okay if you don’t say much, but you can’t say nothing at all. So keep some of these prompts in mind next time you feel tongue-tied on a date!

photo credit: eyeliam

By Juliet Ohai

Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.

The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.

As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.

Do not objectify women.

I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?

Misogyny will not get you dates.

This point is self-evident.

Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.

Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.

Never comment positively on another woman’s looks around the woman you are trying to woo.

This is basic sense. Even if a drop-dead gorgeous supermodel walks across your path while you are with your sweetie, you should avoid mentioning it to your sweetie. Never tell your sweetie that you find another woman more attractive. Not even a woman in a magazine. Trust me.

Half the struggle of talking to women is just to keep talking.

I’m not saying you should talk non-stop without giving her a chance to speak. I’m saying that the biggest struggle is not to run out of things to talk about. You don’t have to say the most interesting things in the world. You just can’t say nothing.

When in doubt, ask about a woman’s tastes.

People love talking about themselves. If you feel at a loss of things to say around a woman, ask about her tastes in things. What kind of music does she like? What’s her favorite movie? Does she have a favorite book? If you need to, write these topics down in advance.

Don’t come across as arrogant.

Women hate it when men come across as arrogant, or as if they’re trying too hard to impress. I don’t know why men ever think it’s a good idea to be macho around women. The kind of bantering that happens between guys isn’t the same as the kind of communication that occurs between a man and a woman.

Don’t come across as too self-deprecating. Confidence is sexy!

A little bit of self-deprecation is cute, but if all you do is sit around expressing your insecurities… it’s a definite turn-off. Confidence is sexy.

Don’t give up the power too easy. But give it up eventually.

Here’s a big tip. Women like a little bit of a power struggle. We like it when guys play hard to get! Don’t make it too easy for us. BUT, we hate it when you start playing games. We love a bit of a power struggle, but games are for children.

Don’t push women into anything physical too quickly.

When you’re first getting to know a woman, don’t take the relationship into physical territory until you’ve established your parameters. Respecting a woman means letting her decide her comfort level when it comes to getting physical — NOT you dictating it for her.

Women love talking about their feelings.

Most women out there enjoy discussing their feelings. Asking her about her feelings is a great way of letting a woman know that you care about her and that her feelings matter to you.

DO be the sweet, charming man that every girl wants.

Pay attention to these basic rules, and be just that.

photo credit: alaskan dude

by Juliet O

While text messaging is generally seen as pretty unromantic, it can actually be a very useful dating tool. A self-identified text message addict, I believe that, when done right, text messages are actually useful in the beginning states of building a relationship. Think about it: texting allows you to have a constant stream of communication with an individual that you are seeing — not as an alternative, but rather an addition, to calling — an added-value to traditional phone conversation. Specifically, I love getting text messages from people just to say “good morning” or “good night”. A basic “How are you” or a “How is your day” text message is a nice, welcome interruption in the middle of a day. Sometimes, the simplest text messages can seem the most romantic. Something as seemingly mundane as an “I’m thinking about you” text message can be an incredibly sweet gesture, and when used correctly, a well-crafted text message can put butterflies in your sweetie’s stomach and stars in their eyes.

So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet on Zoosk? Here’s some textiquette guidelines, tailored from an online dating perspective.

We consider texting to be second base.

Don’t run to second base until you’ve passed first. What’s first base? First base is the initial phone call. Don’t let your first phone interaction with someone be based on texting. That’s just lazy. Texts are great in addition to calling, but not as a replacement for calling, and are NO substitute for hearing someone’s voice for the first time, or for having a real, substantial phone interaction.

Whoa, slow your thumbs quick draw, and wait patiently for a response.

One of the worst things you can do when texting is to send a string of messages in succession, before getting a response. “Hey what’s up?” “Hello?” “Where are you?” “What’s up? ” “You there?” UM, slow down crazy! She was just at the gym, and she gets back to the locker room, opens her phone to check her messages, and sees 15 messages from you in the span of an hour asking what she’s up to? Yeah. That’s what we call “textorrhea”. Plus stalking.

Don’t be a Textasaurus Rex — aggression isn’t appreciated!

Guys and gals, do not be super aggressive when texting, particularly if its sexual aggression. It’s not okay to send explicit texts UNLESS you’ve spoken clearly about this before with the person that you are seeing and have established the parameters. Your date is not a poor defenseless prey that you can pounce upon like some scary fanged predator armed with a phone.

Drunk + Texting = FAIL.

“HJey, arf youu awkae?” is not an appropriate text to send someone at 3AM after you’ve had a few too many vodka sodas. You can ruin a good thing by drunk texting, so the best option, if you turn into a crazy texting machine after you’ve input too much booze, is to simply give a trusted friend your phone and tell said friend to, at any cost, keep that phone out of your hands.

Wot RU up 2 UR HOT!! xoxo  –> Vomit.

You might have a personal dictionary, inside which language is subjected to the abuses of your imagination, but there really is a proper way to spell things, and abbreviated emoticons is NOT it. Texting is not that difficult. You aren’t asked to compose a dissertation on metaphysics. Use grammar. Please. And proper sentence structure. At least try to speak the Queen’s English.

:/ ^_^ = Use in moderation.

I like emoticons. But I start to question people when every single text they send me ends in a smiley face. C’mon. Emoticons are all good and well in moderation, but it can be really easy to go overboard with them, and coming across like a 12 year old is not an attractive quality in adults.

Texts are short. Please check your spelling. It’s not that hard.

The least you can do, in a text message that probably spans the course of 3 sentences, is check your spelling. It’s not like you’re being asked to proofread someone’s novel. If it takes 20 seconds to make sure you spelled the conjunction of “you are” as “you’re” and not “your” then I’d say it’s worth it.

If you’re going to booty call, at least have the consideration to CALL.

Booty calls are bad enough, but when you start booty texting “hi sexy, wanna come over?” you know you’ve REALLY reached a low point in your life. Just don’t do it. If you still refuse to listen to me, and absolutely cannot abstain from the loathsome habit of booty calling, at least have the decency to booty CALL, not booty TEXT. As gross as an actual 2AM call with the intent of hooking up is, a 2AM text is even worse.

Stalking via texting is a no no.

I don’t really need to get into this. Stalking is gross, and it is also illegal. Don’t stalk via text. “Where are you?” and “Why aren’t you responding?” sent 20 times in succession can lead to a restraining order.

DO wait in between texts.

Come on. Play hard to get, at least a little! Wait 20 or 30 minutes before firing off a response text message. You are busy and important. Now, repeat after me, “I am busy and important”.

DO give people plenty of time to respond.

Give people time to respond before shooting off a text piggybacking off your first text. Who knows? Maybe this person is somewhere they can’t get reception, or they’re at the gym, or they’re in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean for a day. In any case, you need to be patient and wait for them to respond. Why? Because adults have patience. And you are an adult.

DO send flirty texts.

Text flirting is great! But in text flirting, try to keep the subject PG, at least at first. If you’re into “sexting,” make sure you establish with your date that they are okay with dirty texts before you start sending them stuff that might send them running for the hills. Keep banter light, friendly, and strictly SFW (safe for work) at first. Feel around and get a sense of where your partner stands, before treading into kinkier waters.

DO send text pictures. Just DON’T expose your body parts in them.

Depending on your cellular plan, you might be able to send and receive text pictures. I love getting sent pictures via text. I often send my friends random photos — of food I’ve ordered at restaurants, funny signs, cute clothes in a window display, or whatever I happen to be passing by at the moment that might be of interest. These are great pictures to send via text, especially to someone you’re dating to instigate a heavy flirt session. However, do NOT send people pictures of your body parts. 1) You can’t trust people not to upload that stuff onto the internet, not in this day and age. And 2) even if the person doesn’t upload your nude photos online, they will certainly, at the very least, show all their friends. Unless you want your exposed nether region shown to a room full of laughing people, keep what’s in your pants, in your pants, and away from flashing cameras.

photo credit: magic_quote

By Juliet O

Who doesn’t love the unique smells and sights of autumn? Fall is in the air, and everywhere I look, I can see signs of the season changing. The leaves are starting to change color, the mornings and evenings feel crisp and cool, and we’re dusting off the sweaters and scarves we’ve set aside in the heat of summer. Even in a place where there are no ‘real’ seasons (San Francisco), I can sense subtle changes that let me know it’s time to eat lots of apples, pumpkins, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash.

Fall also ushers in new, interesting opportunities for fun dating. No other season offers you the chance to take your sweetie apple-picking, tailgating, or on a rustic nature drive to see the brightly colored leaves. Celebrate the new season with these 6 great date ideas — and make the chilly days just a little bit warmer.

Apple-picking

Few things in life taste more perfect than a freshly ripened, crisp fall apple plucked right from the tree. Take your date on an apple-picking jaunt, and enjoy the beautiful smells and tastes of the apple orchard with a newly kindled romance. Apple picking is a great opportunity to transition your date from date one to date two: the two of you can use the apples you picked on your first date to bake into pies on your second. An apple really does taste better when you pick it yourself, but an apple tastes best of all when you pick it with someone special to your heart.

Tailgate at a football game

Get a picnic together of hamburgers, potato salad, cole slaw, and beer, and grab your honey for a tailgating date before a big game. Tailgating for two is an adorable fall date idea for sports enthusiasts. No matter what happens during the game, at least you have each other. After the game, the two of you can go out together to drink to victory — or console each other at the hands of defeat. Either way, you’ve got a great excuse to eat, drink, and be merry with the one who puts the twinkle in your eye.

Go on a rustic nature drive or hike

Get in the car, put some romantic tunes on the stereo, and take a long scenic drive to admire the changing leaves. Or, for the more athletic and adventurous of you out there, put on your hiking boots and take your honey for a stroll through the woods. Take a little picnic with you as well, so that if you see a particularly beautiful spot you can stop and enjoy a sandwich and a pear (seasonal produce!) while admiring the view. Don’t forget your camera! When you look back on your lovely date, you’ll want pictures to remember it by.

Do something spooky

Boo! Halloween is just around the corner. Get spooky with your date this season by going to see a scary movie or checking out a haunted house! It sounds cheesy, but cheesy dates are always the best, aren’t they? Taking your date to a scary movie is perfect for some darkened theater hand-holding! Share snacks, and brush each others’ hands when you reach for the popcorn. And don’t forget to jump into each others’ arms when the suspense gets to be too much — you are watching a scary movie, after all. And haunted houses… I haven’t been to one since childhood so I’d definitely go again if the right person asked

Carve a pumpkin

Pumpkin carving isn’t just for children these days. Actually, pumpkin carving — for food, that is — is a wonderful date for adults and a great way to sample and prepare some seasonal fall produce. Pumpkins are one of the most delicious and nutritious vegetables you can enjoy, and fall is the perfect time to slice some up. Make some pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin stew, and grilled pumpkin! Obviously you can’t forget pumpkin pie as the dessert. For those who don’t like the taste of pumpkin, fall offers a delicious assortment of seasonal harvests, including chard, pomegranate, squash, figs, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, endives, mushrooms, and grapes. The couple that gains weight together stays together.

One work: Oktoberfest

At no other time of the year is it appropriate to start drinking beer at 1:00 PM out of huge glass boots, while bar wenches wearing dirndls keep the kegs running until you can’t walk straight. Take your date to an Oktoberfest celebration, and eat bratwurst, pretzels, sauerkraut, and cheese noodles until you feel like you’re going to burst. That’s what Oktoberfest is all about: gluttony. And look at it this way, if your date will still go on a second date with you after seeing you at your gluttonous worst, then you know you’ve won a special place in this person’s kind heart.

photo credit: nao.k

By Juliet O

You Zooskers are a romantic bunch. We recently posed the question on our community pages, “What is your definition of love?” The responses we received were varied and astute — and simultaneously romantic and accurate.

Love, by its very nature, is almost impossible to define. Even geniuses like Albert Einstein admit their bafflement when it comes to explaining this emotional phenomenon. Love appears to resist our ability to rationalize it, as well as our attempts to tie it down to any unified definition. “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” asked Einstein. We don’t know either, Einstein. However, in finding love within our own lives and in choosing to participate in the act of loving, we attempt to explain love by our behaviors that characterize this emotion — one that exists within the mysterious shrouds of subjectivity. We all express and experience love differently, and it was interesting hearing your individual perceptions, lovely Zooskers, of this singular, exquisite emotion.

“Love is a choice. Once the chemistry and lust fades away we make a choice whether we’re in it for the long haul or not. It doesn’t sound romantic, but that is how I see it.” -Mz J

“If you can be romantic with someone for many years in a row, who you have seen at their absolute worst, and still wake up to their morning breath, and manage to overlook it… that is true love to me.” -Ms Independent

“It requires devotion, surrender of the self, and putting yourself in last place. If you are loved back you will find yourself in first place.” -MarathonMan

“I think it’s a whole bunch of stuff all rolled into a goofy feeling that you can’t write down. It’s that feeling you get inside from just the thought of that person. Everyone has their own thoughts on what love is, yet it probably all means the same thing.” -Alex

“Love comes at you in a form that is unexplainable but can be express easily as if you were just a child again. But over all, you know you have it when nothing that that person does (minor flaws and all) can change your mind about them… ever. It is something that everyone (making the sick, healthy. The old, young. The weak, strong. Vice Versa) can easily attain and yet so very elusive in our current world. That’s my definition of Love.” -Latin

“Lust is the excitement. Love is the lingering warmth.” -Rayneman

“The only love I have ever felt is the love for my sons. You want to protect them, support them, make sure they feel no pain that is within your control, provide for them, be there for them, let them know you mean the world to them and they mean the world to you. I guess in retrospect if you could apply that feeling to someone you want to make your life with, that would be my definition of love.” -Christopher

“For me, love is built off of trust.” -Brandon

“Your life is incomplete when the one you love is away. You would do anything to protect them or to make them happy. When I think of love, I think of a couple sitting by the ocean holding hands and kissing. The feeling of love is ‘that can’t eat cant sleep reach for the stars world series kinda stuff’. You will know the real meaning of love when you fall in love.” -Yollie

“Love is when your heart seems to want to exit from your chest when you think about the wonderful woman who gives again a meaning to your life.” -Syl

“For me it is when your main desire is to fulfill their expectations, to keep them warm when it is cold, to keep them safe from danger, to wipe away their tears when they are sad, you can tell them anything and everything, they are your best friend, your lover, your confidant, all in one amazing package that you would literally do anything for.” -Rick

“I don’t think we get to choose who we fall in love with. It just happens, and when its meant to happen it does. Love is when your head over heels and feel incomplete or lost when you are apart from your other half. Life as you know it changes forever.” -Shell

“To me, love is a unique combination of joy and misery. It grows with familiarity. The more you know, the more you want to know.” -Delli K

“I don’t think many people actually know or realize what true love is. For me love is doing things for another expecting nothing in return except the joy it brings.” -Irishandy

“It is the appreciation of gentle touches to the lower back while walking, and affectionately playing with your hair. Love is a balance of good and bad. The ability to communicate, forgive, trust, and grow together.” -Candie

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me, love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” -Classicrockfan

“Love is not just a feeling, it is an act. It’s the act of love that is more important than the feeling itself.” -Rianne

“Love is the universe.” -Walltowallchels

“Love is something that is deep-seeded inside when it’s found. Regardless of how a person may appear to react towards another person, even if it is not necessarily ‘nice’, they can love that person regardless of circumstance. Although I’m divorced, I will always love my ex-wife because my feelings were real when we married.” -Ruditchka

“For me, I would say when you’re in love with someone, they provide the missing piece in your life. Being with them is like standing on the top of the world, and being without them is like having teeth pulled. I believe that once you have taken that leap by falling in love with another person, there is no going back. It’s a journey. When people say they have “fallen out of love” with someone, I don’t believe their heart has taken a step backwards, I think it has taken a jump forwards, and possibly found that the other person has become more of a best friend than a lover. But once you have loved someone, they will occupy a place in your heart forever.” -Jenna

“Love is true belief of knowing you can unconditionally accept a person for who they are, were, and will be. No matter what they have done, is doing, or will do. But I do believe love is a period between two peoples’ lives that can expire or last their life time, depending on the changes one is going through with the new experiences life has to offer.” -PhonZ

For more great input from our Zooskers on love, relationships, and online dating, check out our Zoosk Community Forums.

photo credit: candida.performa