There’s no moment sadder than the moment someone blatantly tries to impress you and fails epically. “Depending on which economic calculation you use, I may or may not be the richest person in the world. I’m good friends with this guy who knows Bruce Springsteen. Surveys have shown that I’m the most attractive person in Michigan. Can I buy you a drink?” No. No, you may not.
Number one, you’re lying, and number two, what, am I supposed to be impressed? Ew. Can’t we just stop trying to impress one another and start being ourselves?
To find out more about what pisses you Zooskers off, we posted over at the new and improved community forums asking for your biggest dating pet peeves. The response we got was varied, insightful, and revealing. Here are the top 10 most frequently cited pet peeves, and advice on how to avoid them.
It seems, hands down, the pet peeve we noticed most frequently was regarding cell phone use during a date. People really, really don’t like it when you use a cell phone on a date. Says Zoosker Shannon, “I understand when an emergency comes up, but it’s so important to be present with each other especially when you’re learning about each other.” Zoosker Tommy agrees. “I can’t stand texting while on a date. It’s rude and a really bad impression for me when they text while I’m in the middle of saying something or if it’s while they are saying something and they abruptly stop, text, and then continue.” Texting can be an addictive thing, but if you want to make a good impression on a first date, keep your phone away from you greedy little fingers! Turn the phone to silent or vibrate, and put it deep in your pocket or handbag. Equally bad as texting is constantly checking your phone to see if you’ve received any messages. You can check your phone if you excuse yourself to use the restroom, but never in front of your date unless it’s an absolute emergency. As Zoosker DD states, “Put the phone down and try to enjoy yourself.”
“Take it slow” is probably the single best piece of relationship advice that people never seem to want to hear. Like relationships in real life, online relationships can also move way too fast. And I don’t have to remind you about the story of the turtle and the hare. There are many reasons to take things slowly on Zoosk, but the biggest reason is also the most obvious one: you don’t know this other Zoosker yet. And you should get to know them, before you meet in real life.
Reducing the speed at which you barrel toward love, marriage, and mortgage, actually makes dating more fun. Many people claim that the very best time to be in love is at the beginning of relationships, when all the euphoric, mesmerizing feelings of love are at their most intense. Why not prolong that intensity as long as possible? When poets write about love, they are almost never talking about comfortable long term relationships. They write about the dizzying feeling of falling in love with someone and the first stages of blossoming affection. Let the excitement of falling in love last as long as possible! There is simply no need to hurry. What’s the rush? If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Zooskers often write in our Community Forums asking for advice on love. The Zoosk Community is incredibly supportive of each other, and when a Zoosker seeks love advice on the forums, other Zooskers weigh in and offer their assistance. It’s a nice feeling, knowing that there is a community of people willing to help you work through your love and relationship problems.
As more and more questions arise on our forums, we’ve discovered certain similarities among the questions we’ve seen. Questions often fall into distinct camps. And questions tend to be finite. We get a lot of the same questions over and over again. That should be reassuring news! This means that — for each person out there who has love or relationship problems — there are other people in the world with the same problems. You are not alone! And we want to help too. You don’t have to take our advice, or even listen to what we have to say, but we want you — yes, you! — out there to know that we really do care.
We want to participate in the conversation. So, each week we’ll be taking a question from the Zoosk Community Forums and giving our take on the situation. Unofficial advice from official Zoosk. Here’s this week’s question, posed by Zoosker Jay. This is taken from our Broken Heart, Now What forum.
When you’re out on the town, the ‘art of seduction’ seems relatively straightforward. Basic grooming, eye contact, and physical (even if imaginary) confidence go a long way when trying to catch the eye of that special someone. You’re at a bar, you see someone you like, and after a few drinks you gather up enough courage to strike up a conversation.
It’s pretty simple, really.
When you’re trying to attract someone online, however, the whole equation shifts. You don’t have to dress up or take a shower. You can be on Zoosk while slouched in front of the television, unshowered, wearing a bathrobe with your laptop balanced on a family-size bowl of Doritos, and you might be just as irresistible in this context — alone, at home, stuffing your face in front of the computer — as you are while dressed to the nines in swanky club. In a lot of ways, online dating presents far less pressure than dating IRL (‘in real life’). You don’t have to buy new clothes, you don’t have to put effort into looking good for someone else, and you don’t have to worry about what anyone is going to think. On Zoosk, you can relax and just be yourself.
But even for the experienced, online dating is far from being a walk in the park. Online dating presents its own unique challenges. Like, how are you going to get someone to notice you, when you’re on Zoosk, without relying on the same tricks that you’d use to get people to notice you in real life? On Zoosk, there are many ways to get noticed, and they’re as easy and simple as lifting your finger off the keyboard and hitting a few keys. To increase your date card views and get noticed by the hotties you’re trying to attract, follow these simple tips.
“So I’m calling you cuz I thought your boobs looked really great in your photos.”
“I mean, I’m calling because I thought we hit it off and–”
Err… real smooth, John. Now Jane thinks you’re a total creepazoid. Right after she hung up the phone, she went to see if your name was on the national sex offender registry. It goes without saying that this is the type of phone conversation an online dater should do his very very best to avoid. But you already knew that. Continue reading →
While most of you Zooskers probably couldn’t run a marathon with your legs, you sure know how to run them with your mouths. Your chat-alicious, loose-lipped, loud-mouthy, over-sharing, word-spitting ways have greatly endeared you to our hearts, and we applaud the fact that many of you have problems shutting the front door.
Our hyperactive community forums are one of the Zoosk features we’re most proud of, because the many voices on the forums come from YOU, the community, and the community is the life of Zoosk. It appears that the average Zoosker on our forums is chattier than an ADHD kid who just washed down all his Halloween candy with a 6-pack of Red Bull. You will get that talk on, and we find that to be a beautiful thing. On the forums, topics range from discerningly erudite (like intelligent reflections on the meaning of love) to unabashedly low-brow (like talking in detail about the female anatomy), and all these topics come together to form a mish mash, hodge podge, all-encompassing community board that accurately details all the multiplicity of things going through the collective mind of the Zoosk community, something we admire, foster, and want to actively engage. Today, we want to shine a spotlight on the community, because the community the shining light of Zoosk… and now we’re getting sentimental. Make it stop.
There aren’t many situations in life where it’s acceptable to talk at length about yourself to random strangers without pause or interjection. Even less socially acceptable is to start disclosing, unprovoked, your life story, what you’re looking for in a life partner, your ideal date, your music taste, and your favorite movies — in rapid succession — to people you don’t know and have never met. We know people who do that in real life. They are called “crazy people”.
Unless, that is, you are writing your Zoosk online dating profile – in which case talking about yourself is not only appropriate, but encouraged. And totally sane, we promise.
A picture says a thousand words. Some of the most earnest questions — and some of the biggest complaints — that we get on the Community Forums are about Zoosk profile pictures. Let’s face the facts. Pictures are an integral aspect of online dating. It should be no surprise that your fellow Zooskers want to know what you look like before they decide to date you. People do respond to things visually, and we’ve found that Zooskers who’ve uploaded photos to their date cards are many times more likely to be approached by prospective matches on Zoosk.
Taking our findings to the next logical step we can conclude with a high degree of certainty that if y = mx + b, then date card + photos = good.
Monday just went from blaaaahhh to YAYYYYY, ‘cuz Zoosk Desktop is here to help you keep the spirit of the weekend going all week long. What’s Zoosk Desktop, you might ask? We reply — in our most falsely modest voice — that we dared, we hustled, and here’s what we got: the very first downloadable desktop application ever introduced for a social online dating community. Or, in simpler terms, Zoosk Desktop is a ridiculously awesome new way to be on the prowl… rawr.