No one likes to be around a negative person. This principle applies equally in the real world as in the world of online dating. Any hint of negativity on your Zoosk dating profile can really kill the mood with a prospective match. On your online dating profile, negativity (and its kin: sarcasm, pessimism, abrasiveness, misanthropy, and rancor) should be used cautiously and sparingly, or better yet not at all.
Why do we develop negative patterns of thinking? Many psychology experts believes that we become negative because negative thinking is easy — and it can easily become a habit. Bad thoughts perpetuate themselves. It’s the easy way out (and a total cop out) to be negative about our lives, because the alternative — positive thinking — requires a lot more effort. We have to choose to be happy and positive, and that choice has to be maintained over the course of our lives. Positive thinking takes constant work. In many ways, positive thinking is a choice. And positive thinking is absolutely essential for a relationship to succeed. Continue reading →
I think we could all benefit from a little Zooskbox 101 today. It’s always nice to have a quick brush up just to make sure we’re all on the same page. To begin: what’s a Zooskbox? A Zooskbox is your “message inbox” on Zoosk, where you receive messages, flirtations, winks, and virtual gifts from other Zooskers. As you see on the image above, you can sort your messages by categories like sent, received, unread, and trashed — just like most email inboxes. However, your Zooskbox is different from regular email in important ways too. It’s geared toward Zoosk and functions as a dating portal through which you communicate with other members of our site. The purpose of this post is to guide a beginning user through using their Zooskbox, but even seasoned Zooskbox users could benefit from glancing at this tutorial — who knows what you might learn? Continue reading →
All daters have fears. By dating, we make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt in many ways that are precluded by choosing to remain single. As daters, we tend to hold onto our fears, much to our own detriment. Fears hold us back and hinder us from opening ourselves up to love and fulfillment. Part of the battle of dating is in eliminating your fears — of intimacy, of vulnerability, of emotional honesty, of betrayal, of rejection, of ourselves — so that you can open yourself to the possibility of love. It’s not always easy.
Online dating presents a unique set of fears and challenges. While it may seem difficult, these fears need to be overcome if you want to date online successfully. We want to guide you through these online dating fears and give you tips on how to overcome them, because we want online dating to be a great experience for you. And why shouldn’t it be a positive experience? By online dating, you have an automatic dating pool of singles all using Zoosk for the same purpose: to hopefully find romance and connection. But how can you find romance or connection if you’re still holding onto all that fear and baggage? If you still hold onto fears or reservations regarding online dating, read this post for helpful tips on overcoming your trepidation, in order to engage with the online medium openly and fortuitously. Continue reading →
You’ve put all that work in making a great Date Card, but you’re still not fully satisfied with the number of clicks you’re getting? You want to raise your page views, but don’t know what to do? It’s not you, don’t worry. But it’s not your Date Card, either. There are simple ways to get even more profile views and raise your chances of meeting the right person on Zoosk, by simply following some of our tips on promoting your online dating profile via social media tools.
Great online dating profiles shouldn’t just sit there waiting to be discovered. Take your online dating fate into your own ambitious, single-person hands! If you want love in this day and age, there is no shame on promoting yourself, within reason, to making finding it an easier process. There are definitely ways to raise your chances of having your profile fall across the path of the right person, on Zoosk and on the web. Here are our suggestions. Continue reading →
If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.
Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.
Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.
I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word earnest as: “a serious and intent mental state”. What does earnestness mean in connection to our personal relationships? We can view earnestness as our sincerity in relationships, our honest decision to really be ourselves. In a nutshell, our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities. It is our conscious decision never to lie about ourselves or present ourselves falsely to those we love.
Part of the process of being in love means that we must let go out our fears and struggles. Love means baring your soul to another person. How do we do this? Naturally, it’s not always easy. The process takes time, trust, and commitment.
Perhaps we don’t open ourselves up right away. In fact, in the beginning, before we really grow to know another person and before we can trust our judgments when it comes to that person, perhaps it’s not so wise to bare our souls without hesitation. But once we decide that we are going to commit, that the leap into a serious relationship is one that we want to take, then we must also take the leap of faith and relinquish any fear we might have of being completely vulnerable.
First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.
One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.
So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.
Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.
The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.
As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.
Do not objectify women.
I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?
Misogyny will not get you dates.
This point is self-evident.
Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.
Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.
While text messaging is generally seen as pretty unromantic, it can actually be a very useful dating tool. A self-identified text message addict, I believe that, when done right, text messages are actually useful in the beginning states of building a relationship. Think about it: texting allows you to have a constant stream of communication with an individual that you are seeing — not as an alternative, but rather an addition, to calling — an added-value to traditional phone conversation. Specifically, I love getting text messages from people just to say “good morning” or “good night”. A basic “How are you” or a “How is your day” text message is a nice, welcome interruption in the middle of a day. Sometimes, the simplest text messages can seem the most romantic. Something as seemingly mundane as an “I’m thinking about you” text message can be an incredibly sweet gesture, and when used correctly, a well-crafted text message can put butterflies in your sweetie’s stomach and stars in their eyes.
So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet on Zoosk? Here’s some textiquette guidelines, tailored from an online dating perspective.