Dear Zoosk,

The very first minute I signed up on Zoosk, a man winked at me.  His name was JD, and he lived only 30 miles from me. I thought he was cute, so I sent him a message.

That was the beginning of a great relationship.

I live in the Clarksburg area in West Virginia, and he was from Buckhannon. When we met, his smile first attracted me to him. But later, it was his personality I liked. He would say the nicest things to me when we talked! When we texted each other on the phone, he always had a comeback to things I said that would blow me away. The guy with all the lines. Couldn’t stop telling me how beautiful I was!

Our first date was a nice dinner, casual dress, at a Chinese restaurant, and we had a good time with our fortunes in the end.  They were funny, and we laughed a lot! Then we went for a long ride in the country, and JD showed me where he used to be a trooper, as well as some stories about the little town he worked in.

Then he brought me home and gave me a hug and a sweet little kiss and he went home.  We have been dating ever since. Every day is a good day.  I am sure it will continue.

We both had been praying for someone to come into our lives, and at the same time when we needed each other the most “here we are”. It’s really special. The way he hugs me makes me want to be held by him forever.  I like that.

This winter, JD asked me to marry him! We looked at rings for a long time, and he took me to jewelry store after jewelry store, just to find the right one! We act like we are 16-years-old, laughing and having a great time. My children love him. We love each other. I can’t believe I found someone so quickly! Thanks for your dating site, or I would have never met him.

Zoosk is the best! You never know from the very beginning, but sometimes you can beat all odds.

Sincerely,
Tammy and JD

In Bertrand Russell’s celebrated essay, “In Praise of Idleness,” the distinguished analytic philosopher and Nobel Laureate contends, quite rationally, “I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous. I hope that, after reading the following pages, the leaders of the YMCA will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing.” And, just for dramatic effect, he adds, “If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”

In response this glorious display of intellect, Zoosk responds most enthusiastically, “Hear hear!”

It appears that the folks at TechCrunch might also believe, as Russell himself did, that “Leisure is essential to civilization.” Could there be a truer truism? Purveyors of romantic leisure that we are, Zoosk is rightfully honored to have made it to the final round of voting at this year’s 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Awards in a category we are proud to be recognized in: Best Time Sink Application.

But we also adhere to the belief that the pursuit of love is an activity that, albeit leisurely, is absolutely necessary. Plus, leisure is useful too. Sure, you can’t expense a date on the company card or charge it to your place of work as a billable hour, but the time you spend looking for love is fully compensated, at the end of the road, when you find it. So while some time may sink during the quest, that time will be worth it when you get to your final destination. Think of it as a potentially long flight that just happens to take off and land at the exact same local time, just in different time zones.

So remember, everyone, vote for Zoosk! “Each person is invited to vote once per category per day through Wednesday, January 6th at midnight PST. Once you cast a vote in a category, you are able to share your vote through Twitter and Facebook.” Put a little bit of work in for Zoosk by voting every day until January 6th, and we’ll ensure you get the best time sink application the web has to offer for as long as your heart desires. XO.

By Anne B

Last night I sent a heartfelt text message. Not my typical behavior. I’m not a huge fan of conveying important messages via texts, but in the spirit of the rapidly approaching New Year, why not try new things? You know the kind of text message I’m talking about. The kind that you write, stare at for a minute, erase, and revise a few times before sending. This is the kind of text that you have to put a little thought into in order to avoid the very high risk that comes with messy text miscommunication.

So, there I am with the final draft of my text. I ask myself, did I say too much? No. Not enough? No, it’s good. The message is clear, and straight from my heart. Send. Wait. Fein interest in what’s playing on TV. Wait some more. Ping! I get a response. Hoping to see words of poetry echoing my sentiments, and perhaps leading to a longer exchange and then some (wink wink) I open the message to find… a smiley face. A smiley face!? What am I supposed to do with that!!??

Correction: The smiley face was blowing a kiss. I guess that’s supposed to add some romance? Well thanks, now I’m just melting all over myself.

With 2010 approaching I’ve gotten a little reflective about where we are today. It’s not really news that we are inundated with mediums of communication. All of which act as methods to increase the connection from person to person. Facebook connects you with that kid who always had something sticky on his face. “Remember me? We played hopscotch in grade school!” Twitter tells you that your friend on the other side of the country is, “stuck in traffic again, ugh!” We have a virtual buffet before us offering a million ways to stay connected and informed about our loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re wearing your stretchy pants, buffets are great. Who doesn’t like having options? But this should not be a substitute for intimacy. The onus is on us to foster the intimacy. Merriam Webster defines intimacy as something of a personal or private nature.

No social network can fabricate the warmth of opening yourself up to someone you trust and love. It’s a lot more complicated than drafting the perfect text message. It requires a bit of personal risk. You’ve got to feel secure enough to expose the jugular of your vulnerability trusting that your partner is going to caress it, not bite. (Well, maybe a nibble would be nice.)

We are all seeking it too. We may deny it but that doesn’t negate the desire. Everyone wants their life to be validated, intimate witnesses of the good and the bad, who choose to stay and be a part of our lives. Knowing there is someone who cares about what happens to you just because it’s happening to you and you alone adds so much meaning to life. So we continue to publicly update our status, and invite the spectators of our lives to comment. It might leave us with a cold virtual smiley face that’s blowing us a kiss through the phone, when what we really want is for someone to draw us close so we can melt into a real, warm, and demonstrative embrace, but I guess at least we are reaching out.

In our world we have hyper communication that has been afforded to us like never before, instant connection with just about everyone in our lives. But with all of this connection it has not improved our level of intimacy with one another. So how can we improve it? Well it’s like the old saying goes, in order to get a friend you’ve got to be a friend. Same thing goes for intimacy and deep connection in romantic relationships; you really get out of it what you put in.

If you are beginning a relationship and see long-term potential, begin setting the foundation for a deeper connection and it will evolve into a more meaningful one. I’m not saying take every moment to cry in each others arms while watching The Notebook, but there are a few ways of setting the stage for both parties to have more intimacy in the relationship.

For starters, walk the walk.

Show them that you can be trusted. Keep your word. When you prove that you are reliable in smaller ways it carries over. Be where you say you will be, when you say you’ll be there. Make sure that your actions and, more importantly, your attitude is consistent.

Express your certainty.

Would you invest your time and devotion to someone who was a flight risk? If there is an insecurity that leads them to think you’ll bolt next time there is a rough patch there will be little motivation for them to move forward into murky waters. Do you care about this person? Show it.

Learn a thing or two from puppy love.

We all want to be loved unconditionally, so know that your person will have imperfections, but so do you! There is an enormous sense of serenity in knowing you are accepted in spite of your flaws. When you begin to realize that the relationship is a judgment free zone, you inevitably feel more comfortable giving more of yourself to it. Be sure that your attitude conveys an appreciation for the qualities that make this person different from the rest.

Be a communicado afficionado.

If there is one thing that technology teaches us, it’s how effective communication can transform our lives. Take some time to know more about yourself and have a genuine interest and curiosity in the other person. Make time to discover and learn about each other in a variety of situations and environments while traveling and trying new things together.

Psychologists today are discussing all of the cultural implications that come with the virtual advantages and disadvantages of how we communicate today. The overall breadth of our relationships have undoubtedly expanded, but the question remains: Does the depth of the relationships that are formed satisfy our needs for intimacy?

We are the makers of our relationships, and as Csikszentmihalyi says, man is to a large extent a reflection of his construction. When constructing your next relationship with someone for whom you care deeply, take the time to undertake this enterprise with great care.

photo credit: D3 SF

By Juliet O

Yippee! Bring out the bells, the whistles, and the fancy trays of mouth-watering, calorie-laden sweets: the end-of-year holiday season has finally arrived! As this year (and decade) draws to a close, Zoosk wishes you the happiest holiday festivities and brightest spirits and cheer that this season has to offer.

Holidays bring with them a host of holly jolly things, from parties to paid vacation to presents, but our absolute favorite aspect of the holiday season will always be the unique excitement of holiday dating. The holiday merriment rubs off on even the most incorrigible Scrooge. Who doesn’t love an eggnog, peppermint schnapps, and mistletoe-fueled adrenaline rush?

But we know that desite the amazing rewards, holiday dating is not without its challenges. We want to make the entire process of dating during this time of year as easy on you as possible. We want you to stop stressing out and focus instead on enjoying yourself. To help our Zooskers navigate and cultivate their love lives during this special time of year, we’ve created the Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, a downloadable PDF that you can save on your desktop and read at your own convenience, that answers some of your most pressing questions about the rules of holiday dating.

Our guide includes holiday dating tips from relationship experts, gift-giving ideas for singles, holiday dating trends and much more. We surveyed thousands of Zooskers to find out what they really want this holiday. From what kind of gifts they wanted to what kind of date they wanted, we asked for the scoop.

Did you know that the majority — 68% — of Zooskers say that they’re looking for a long term relationship this holiday season? This guide gives you tips on how to meet someone this winter, and whether you’re just looking to land a holiday party date or if you’re on the market to establish something lasting, there are tidbits in this guide for every kind of dater.

We’ve also got expert advice from dating gurus like Rich Santos of Marie Claire, Julie Spira the best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and iVillage relationship columnist Sherry Amatenstein.

What holiday season is complete without a healthy dose of materialism? In our surveys, we asked Zooskers what kind of presents they hoped to receive from dating partners, and our Holiday Guide reveals their answers. We were pleasantly surprised to discover how completely unmaterialistic our user base is! Overwhelmingly, you guys responded that you were just hoping for a simple hug or kiss from your date this season.

Now that the question of what to get your partner is answered and filed away, you can focus on the more important thing: how to land said partner in the first place.

Since the week before Christmas marks the busiest time of year on our site, your chances of landing dates this month are statistically the highest of the year. This means that you should go out and work everything you’ve got. Flirt shamelessly. Message as many Zooskers as your greedy heart desires. The numbers show that people are looking for romance this month, so it doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there. If you’re still feeling shy, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, “Live boldly.” Other people, we’re sure, are doing the same.

What are you waiting for? Go give yourself the best gift of all this holiday season: love.

For more facts and tidbits from our Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, download the guide here on our site! Good information is a shame to waste. Tell all your friends about it — heck, tell your date about it — and go out there and take advantage of the happiest time of the year!!!

By Juliet O

Even though winter is cold and gray, there are plenty of fun icy-weather dates to be had during the months of December through February! Instead of putting on those extra five to ten pounds to keep your body warm in the frigid chill, why not meet someone sexy who raises your body temperature without raising your utility bills (and body mass index)? So turn on your computer and go to Zoosk, where 40 million singles are all putting their icy fingertips to the keyboard this season with one solitary purpose: meeting someone to hibernate with during the short days and loooong nights with (wink wink) of winter. Kiss seasonal depression good-bye with a hot winter date.

Play in the snow: go skiing or snowboarding, take a winter walk, or play it simple and build a snowman together!

Pretend that the snow is actually sand and instead of being outside in negative ten degree weather you’re actually at a Caribbean island. Just kidding. You don’t have to pretend that snow is anything other than snow, because a white winter can actually be really romantic and gorgeous in its own right. Why else are ski vacations such a popular pastime for couples? Winter walks can be lovely if you’re bundled up and holding hands, mitten to mitten. You can give each other Eskimo kisses as snowflakes drift from the halcyon sky and land in your lashes as you gaze into each others eyes. My favorite winter walks are those that occur at dusk when the moon is big and bright, the streetlamps are lit like a vintage movie, and the stars in the night sky reflect and dance off the snow. When you get home, where it’s cozy and warm, you can make hot cocoa and cuddle together on the couch while watching DVDs of romantic winter movies like It’s A Wonderful Life and March of the Penguins.

Dine together on hot foods that are typically associated with the winter season

Imaging great winter foods, a few variables come to mind. First, the food should be warm in temperature to put some warmth in your system, like chicken noodle or savory lentil soup. To protect you through the cold, the food should help you break a sweat — feel free to add the spicy hot peppers! Second, the food needs to be satisfying and comforting — something that lifts the spirit in times of chill — so think of foods that make you feel good, like cheesy casseroles, roasted game, Christmas puddings, and steaming hot gingerbread. Mmmm. And experiment with winter produce! Winter doesn’t mean that your only food choices are cabbage and potatoes — did you know that avocados, citrus fruits like grapefruits and oranges, bananas, greens like chard and kale, and root veggies like turnips, celery roots, and rutabagas are in season during the winter months too? A root veggie gratin, sauteed greens, and a desert of banana cream pie. Mmm.

Veg out at home — nothing is more romantic than being snowed-in with your romantic somebody

Snow day? Can’t go to work because there’s a foot of snow in your driveway? Or, say you live somewhere it doesn’t snow, like California — why not pretend you’re snowed in with your sweetie, even if you aren’t? The best part about winter is that you have an excuse to be a homebody. “It’s too cold; we can’t go out.” Who says you need to leave the house to have a good time? Get in front of the television with your partner and watch that marathon of Lost DVDs. Order Chinese take-out and spend the night playing board games against one another. Spend a quiet night at home reading together. Go on a baking marathon with your date and get all your Christmas cookies out of the way in one go — making sure to use the heart-shaped cookie cutter for the cookies you bake for one another. Whatever you need to do to make your winter romantic, you can do it without leaving the house.

Find your winter love on Zoosk today!

Some other articles you might be interested in:
Having good testimonials might get you a date
Are you in love with the idea of being in love?
When it comes to love it’s worth a try

photo credit: the wicked soul

By Juliet O

Using Zoosk’s Community boards is a great way to get noticed.

Of course, Zoosk’s mission is to introduce you to singles in your local area and hook you up with potential dates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make friends or join our Community discussions while you’re at it. During moments of downtime during your maelstrom of flirting, check out our Community boards for relevant dating tips, fun conversation, and online dating success stories from our users.

The Community is also a fun way to get to know people from all over the world. If you’re not opposed to a long distance relationship, you can even meet people on the Community boards. We’ve had it happen before! All you have to do to go to a person’s profile from the Community pages is click on their photo. The right hand side of a Community post also shows if a Zoosker is currently online, how many posts they’ve made, and how long they’ve been on Zoosk. To message a person from the Community boards, all you need to do is click the little envelope icon below their photo. See below.

Whenever you make a community post, it goes on your status feed as well, as Zoosk’s status feed that gets shown to Zooskers within your search criteria. Yet another way to get noticed — not a bad deal! We also host contests on our Community for coins and other prizes. Who doesn’t love prizes? I hope you’re convinced now that Community participation is fun! Of course, it’s totally up to you, but we’d like to to know that it’s an option, and a good one at that.

By Juliet O

The next time you find yourself heartsick and glum, please do yourself a favor and have a good cry. Your friends might tell you that he or she isn’t worth wasting tears over, but you’d probably yourself more harm to keep the tears in rather than just to let them out.

Crying may indicate, on the emotional level, that something is wrong. But did you know that the act of crying can actually be good for both your physical and emotional health? Conventional wisdom has stated for years that crying can be good for you, and recently, scientific research has also come to support that claim.

Human beings are the only living creatures who actually weep. While weeping is uncommon among the living species, the act of shedding tears is universal when it comes to the human experience. No person on Earth has not, at some point in their lives, cried. Babies are born crying and, from the time we’re born, we cry throughout our lives for a variety of reasons. We often find ourselves crying because of grief, pain, loss, stress. We cry at movies when something sad or sentimental happens on the big screen. Songs, books, and even newspaper articles can make people cry. That we can cry at not only our own sorrows but the sorrows of other people as well shows something quite amazing about the human ability to empathize and feel for our fellow creatures.

While tears are often associated with a feeling of sadness, we also cry out of happiness, pride, relief, and elation too. Looking back at some of the happiest and proudest moments of your life, did you feel your eyes dampen with emotion and that tight constricted feeling in your chest that indicates a wave of tears? I have definitely cried out of happiness, and it felt wonderful. In our lives there aren’t many things that happen that make us so joyous that we cry, so those moments and those tears seem extra special.

These aforementioned examples show how crying is emotionally good for you. Tears are a good indicator that your emotions are working and that you even have emotions in the first place. So how, you might wonder, is crying so good for our physical health as well?

Crying is scientifically proven to be good for your body because it releases stress hormones from the bloodstream. Prior to crying, your body’s levels of stress hormones is at a peak. We often cry because our bodies can’t physically handle all those stress hormones pumping through its system.

This is why we usually feel a pervasive sense of relief — what they call the calm after the storm — after a bout of tears. Compared to the heightened emotions that lead to tears, that relief feels soothing and wonderful. There is a scientific explanation for this. When we cry, we actually release stress hormones. Those hormones are regarded as toxic and bad for the body — high numbers of them can even cause brain and cellular damage — and when we cry, our tears contain large amounts of those hormones. In effect, we’re washing those hormones out of our bodies via our tear ducts. As more and more stress hormones get released, the calmer we feel: hence, that wonderful feeling of quietude one experiences after a good long cry.

I think we should promote a National Cry Day! With all the tax payer dollars spent on public health issues, particularly because of the high incidence of heart disease and high blood pressure (that scientists and doctors know are aggravated by things like stress and distress), don’t you think that a National Cry Day might be good for not just our bodies and our souls, but also society as a whole? Rather than telling yourself to keep a stiff upper lip, let yourself release the toxic and negative stress from your body and your mind.

photo credit: laradana

By Juliet O

Have you ever heard the phrase “I’m in love with the idea of being in love”? This phrase relates to a real phenomenon. Many of us, your author included, have at one time or another been in love with the idea of love.

It is actually quite easy to be seduced by a concept. And love is a seductive concept. Our literary and artistic culture is riddled with hyperbolic, overwrought, and unattainable descriptions of what love means. The way love is described in famous novels is so exaggerated, it becomes almost absurd. In Goethe’s famous novel, Sorrows of Young Werther, the main protagonist actually takes his own life because the woman he loves doesn’t love him back. When the novel was published in 1774, it inspired a wave of “Werther fever” as young men throughout Europe began dressing in the style of the main character as described in the book. This “Werther fever” even lead to many copycat suicides as readers actually took their own lives, like Werther did, when confronted with unrequited love. This example shows how susceptible we are to ideas of love, even when these ideas in no way resembles the real thing.

Love shouldn’t drive you to die. It should give you a reason to live. And yet if you were to read The Sorrows of Young Werther or Romeo and Juliet or Wuthering Heights, you’d think love and suffering were one and the same, that you couldn’t fully love someone without suffering great pain and loss. Even cinema reflects this strange comparison of love and suffering. Just look at movies like Titanic or Gone with the Wind or Moulin Rouge or Casablanca. Even though the two main characters in all these movies are separated by the film’s end, even though we’re deprived as an audience of a happy ending, we blissfully watch these movies and use them as actual examples of “true love”. Would these movies have been as romantic had the characters gotten together and lived happily ever after? I doubt it. I certainly wouldn’t have cried so hard at the end of Casablanca had Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman flown off together in a plane to get married and settle down. We love their story because it ends in loss.

These stories that we tell ourselves are beautiful and enjoyable, but it’s important to realize that they’re just stories. They’re a work of fiction that represent an idea that has little bearing in real life. Real love is far from the idea of love. Real love isn’t always exciting; it’s actually frequently boring. Unlike these dramatic stories and movies that operate by a series of ups and downs, high highs and low lows, mystery and intensity, unexpected twists and turns, the real thing is actually far from turbulent. Real love, the kind that sustains over time and contributes to ones life in a positive way, is actually really stable. And when you love someone, you don’t expect them to be like heroes or heroines in plays, movies, or novels. You accept them as real people with real personalities. People are not ideas, and if you like someone because they symbolize or represent something to you, you’re in for a disappointment. No one can live up to your ideas, because those ideas aren’t theirs but yours, and as such, when you love your ideas, you aren’t in love with anyone else; you’re actually in love with yourself. You’re in love with a figment of your own imagination.

So next time you tell someone that you like your guy because he reminds you of someone else or that your gal is great because she represents an attractive ideal, think long and hard about whether you’re actually in love or just infatuated with the idea of love. These things are distinct and highly incompatible, and to think they are one and the same is to accept a delusion that can only lead to disappointment.

Real love sustains and leads to happiness. So wouldn’t you rather go for the real thing?

If you enjoyed this article, be sure to check out our other articles on love:
When it comes to love, it’s worth a try
In love, remember to check your baggage at the door
How to talk to women 101
Online dating rule: take things slow

Photo credit: deardarling

By Anne B

Once upon a time a young woman in her early-mid twenties with stars in her eyes moved to a charming little city called San Francisco. Naturally when single and living in San Francisco with a cute little apartment, what better accessory to your lifestyle could you find than a scooter? Not just any scooter, a midnight blue Vespa, 200 cc’s, with a tan suede seat. She had dreams of sunny Saturday afternoon rides spent scooting across the Golden Gate Bridge. Sigh, all too picture perfect.

Then finally it happened. She got a parking ticket. Although her girl-meets-scooter experience was slightly tarnished and it set her back 70 dollars, she looked optimistically passed it. She focused on how amazing those new bomber leather Marc Jacob pumps would look riding her blue stallion.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that just around the corner she is in for another, and slightly more serious, setback. This time she’ll have an accident on a slippery rode and have to repair a broken rear view mirror. In spite of a few lingering scratches from the slip she will be fine, but her rattled nerves will make it just a little more difficult to rationalize eating noodles again for dinner in order to pay the insurance bill she’ll have to hand over to Geico on the first of the month.

Such is life. The tragic heroine of our story saw a beautiful Vespa and without knowing what was in store or considering the possible implications of her investment she threw herself whole heartedly into the decision she made. Although it may not have been the most practical of choices, and even poses potential danger, she was determined that it was the right fit for her. Shouldn’t loving it and having an intense desire to see it work out be enough?

Is it any different in our relationships? I’m not implying that a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a scooter, attractive yet functional accessories to life that have their hazards but can be a lot of fun to ride. Um, when you look at it that way, I guess I should clarify. I’m not saying that long-term boyfriends and girlfriends are like scooters. My point is, sometimes we don’t know what is good for us and we have to get hurt to find out. Loving someone might not always be enough, but at least you have loved.

We can be open to new relationships and maybe even make mistakes to recognize who the right fit is when he or she comes along. It hurt for our girl to realize that she might be more of a Volvo kinda girl when she just bought a Vespa. Even worse, it hurts to have your heart broken when you realize that the apple of your eye is just not going to be a part of your apple pie. But now you know, and it didn’t kill you. You can and will move on. Our heroine knows a little bit more about herself through the whole experience. Although it wasn’t what she needed, it was a great ride that taught her valuable lessons.

Many people have a list of qualities they are looking for, and are unwilling to see beyond the criteria they have set for a potential partner. You can’t compromise on values like honesty, loyalty, and trust; it doesn’t end well for either party involved. Values are one thing, but try to have an open mind with the nitty-gritty details. When you find yourself overlooking a great person simply because they might laugh like a hyena when you are at the movie theatre, maybe next time just watch the comedy at home? What if you are always reaching for cookie dough when, if you just gave it a chance, mint chocolate chip might really blow your taste buds away?

What truly makes an incredible experience is when we can let go and allow ourselves to love deeply. These are the experiences that set the course of our lives. Keep your eyes open for foolish choices and potential accidents. Just know that you’ll make mistakes, but you won’t make them twice.

Photo credit: gaioum

Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).

How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.

Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back?