Posts tagged ‘dating advice’
Did you know roses have meanings according to color? If not, then this article’s for you. It’s true, not all roses are created equally. In fact, when you give someone a bouquet of roses, the color of the flowers is supposed to symbolize a message from you. Brush up on your Rose 101, or you might inadvertently send someone the wrong signal.
Here are the color meanings that ‘floriographers’ agree on when it comes to roses:
|blue||Mystery, attaining the impossible, love at first sight|
|white||Innocence, virtue, purity, reverence, humility|
|black||Death, hatred, farewell, rejuvenation or rebirth|
|yellow||Friendship, jealousy, infidelity, apology, broken heart|
|light pink||Desire, passion, joy of life, youth, energy|
|purple||Love at first sight|
|red + white||United|
|red + yellow
||Joy, happiness and excitement|
Just a little something to keep in mind, next time you decide to send a bouquet of roses. For more on the meanings of roses, visit Flower Dictionary. Happy Zoosking!
Photo via Flickr. License: Creative Commons, Attribution ShareAlike.
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by Julie Spira, the CyberDating Expert
I’ve gone on record as saying the ritual of having a ‘Date Night’ can actually save your relationship. It’s important to ‘date your mate’ and keep the romance alive after the honeymoon phase is over. Trust me, you can make those work deadlines and still have time for date night. Juggling your calendar is hard, but it can be done. Not sure where to start? Here are some of my tips.
1. Select a day and stick to it. Make sure you know your date night won’t be pre-empted by a football game or a standing nail appointment and stick to it. Every week on the same evening, you’ll be scheduling a romantic evening for you and your honey. Date night is sacred. Hire a babysitter, dog sitter, and take a pass on the happy hour invite.
2. Take turns on scheduling plans. Every week, you and your honey should alternate as to who selects the outing. Get creative. It can be as simple as in-room-dining by candlelight, to finding events to attend such as comedy shows, movies, plays, or free concerts.
3. Pre-date night foreplay. Show some enthusiasm and excitement leading up to your date. Leave a love note on your pillow or send a sexy text messages to each other in anticipation of your special night. Take out the lingerie that has been collecting dust in your bureau and wear it all day long.
4. Leave the boardroom behind. If you have had a fight with your boss or are worried about an upcoming presentation, take a break from talking about it on date night. There’s plenty of time to talk about work outside of your special evening.
5. Memorialize it. Be your own love historian. Bring your iPhone to take cute photos and videos, log into instagram and post a lovey-dovey shot of you and your sweetheart, and upload them to your photo sharing account on Flickr or to Facebook, if you’ve already announced to the world that you’re “In a Relationship.” Upload your favorite shot onto your desktop for quick viewing in between date nights.
The simple ritual of creating a date night can help you become as excited as you did during the first three months of dating, and can last for months, years, or decades to come!
Do you have your own date-night suggestions? Share them in our comment section!
About the author: Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie was an early adopter of online dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and follow Julie @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Photo via Flickr. Creative Commons License: Attribution-Sharealike.
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by Huw Richardson
Near and far are concepts the heart seems to ignore. Literature and history are filled with long-distance relationships: the letters of Abelard and Heloise and the letters of John and Abigail Adams contain deep wisdom and love, and also humor and candid pain. What is the Anthony/Cleopatra/Caesar triad if not a long-distance relationship gone horribly bad? What else is Ulysses’ marriage to Penelope? Fiddler on the Roof has one of the daughters falling in love with her tutor, despite his exile to Siberia. The Internet has provided new meaning to “Long Distance Relationship” both in the the sense of definition (what do we mean by ‘Relationship’?) and in the sense of tools and content (what makes a relationship work). We can video chat, text and sext to our hearts’ content now. What would Cleopatra have made of Facebook? Would Perchik have tweeted his love to Hodel?
Presenting yourself online in an emotionally available way can result in that flush of new love that we are all looking for. But what happens when your Mister or Miss Awesome is far away? What can we learn about long-distance relationships to make the time-space factor easier to deal with? Is there anything that such a relationship can teach those of us not willing to take such a risk?
By way of presenting my bone fides, my last two relationships have been long distance. For two and a half years while living in San Francisco I dated a man from Seattle. Later, for more than three years, I dated a man from Hamilton, Ontario. For the first year I was in North Carolina, but I moved to Buffalo, NY, in order to be closer. Of course, even though we were less than one hour apart by car, there was an international border to cross any time we wanted to cuddle!
After six years of doing this, I’d be willing to do it again (although I don’t need to, thankfully!) because of the things I’ve learned by going through the process. These same points are valuable for “local” relationships as well as Long Distance Relationships (LDRs)
1) Communication! Communication! Communication!
Humans are remarkable animals: our physical and mental structure is patterned in such a way that we can communicate beyond mere words via posture, tone, and even pheromones and other body functions. Communication in long distance is largely relegated to text-only, and so it is important that all parties in a LDR verbally communicate as much as possible all the things that are usually contained in subtext. Since your location is divided, your communication must be extreme.
The most important thing that I’ve learned as a writer: humor, especially sarcasm and irony, fail miserably on-line. Attempting to communicate in a “sassy” way will blow up in your face. Trying to ironically understate the importance of something will result in your partner thinking it’s not important. Words online have to be 100% literal. Unless you’re an amazing writer of romance, please: Don’t do it. Full Stop.
The second most important thing I’ve learned is: everything is important. During the first relationship, the SF-STL one, we flew back and forth each month, taking turns. Sometimes we managed to see each other for two weekends in the same month! We saw each other so often that we forgot to communicate in the day-to-day. Things that needed to be said were always held off until the next time we saw each other. The result was emotional time bombs that usually exploded moments after one or the other of us stepped out of the Alaska Air terminal, most often on the drive home.
Remember to say things when they are important to be said even in text. Don’t store up all that emotional energy for the next time you see each other.
2) Virtualize! Virtualize! Virtualize!
This builds on the last item and leads to the next. There are some times when you and your new love can not be together. But there is no reason not to try! Communication on the internet has been busted wide open by the use of smartphones and mobile technology. When I started dating the man in Seattle, about the only thing you could do on the net was IRC Chat (which is where we met). Now there’s video chat and unlimited data/calling plans to keep you in touch. The New York Times Magazine calls this “Ambient Intimacy”. Regular relationships have this build in by physical proximity. Those of us in LDRs need to make our own with tech.
Zoosk lets you communicate with each other via text or video chat. This makes chatting easier and can enhance your intimacy during those times that you are apart from each other.
When I was dating the Canadian he got a phone number from Google Voice that was local to me in North Carolina. The service was (and is) free and it forwarded to his Canadian Cell phone and let me talk to him whenever I wanted. His own calling plan let him call the States so we were never fall apart. My Google Voice account now allows me text him directly from my computer for free!
Skype facilitates international calling at discount rates, but also allows for video chat. One friend of mine calls the Family in Poland (for free!) as often as she can to show live pictures of her child growing up. I used to use the service for “geek dates”: we’d send each other YouTube links and watch videos together as we surfed the net from our desks.
3) Bilocation! Bilocation! Bilocation!
Unless there has been a clear and open agreement, you’re not setting up shop in one place. You have to set up shop in two places for this relationship to work.
Hamilton, Ontario, became my second home. More people in Hamilton knew who I was than in Buffalo! I would walk up James Street North, for the monthly Art Crawl and be waived at from shop windows, get hugs on the street, etc. My partner worked just as hard to know people in Buffalo, although with less success – mostly because of Population Density in the American Rust Belt, but also because people in Hamilton are so durned friendly!
Using Zoosk’s Romantic Social Network you can build a profile for the two of you that you share with your friends in both locations. You can post pictures, share comments about eateries in either location, and let the friends in one place know about what happened last weekend when you were out of town. And, of course, you can share your personal events with your friends in both places. If you link it up with Facebook and Twitter, even when you go on vacation you can make posts that all your circles can share.
You need to move easily between two worlds. The stereotyped image is “I have a drawer in my partner’s bedroom.” But the reality you need two lives: it’s a huge pain to only have a change of clothes for a long weekend – better to have several in the house! Shoes need to live in two places. We constantly read each others local news or local blogs. I knew I’d “Made It” in Hamilton when I heard my name on a Canadian podcast!
In a “regular” relationship this has obvious analogues: your circles of friend may never integrate; they may never even meet until your engagement party. But you and your partner need to move easily in both worlds and in the third world that you are creating together.
4. For the rest of you…
Clearly LDRs are special cases, but they underscore the weakness and strengths of “regular” relationships too. Communication is the key in all cases. A friend of mine, a clergy person, told a couple, “You never have to lie to each other, ever.” This holds true in LDRs and in other types of relationships. There’s a desire to only put your best foot forward, but the reality is that all the rest of you is going to show up sooner or later – and all the rest of your intended as well! Don’t use your online time to hide that as it will only break you up in the end.
And here’s the last thing I learned: both of my Long-Distance Relationships ended because of a change in my life that I failed to communicate successfully. In both cases, I downplayed the change, I even covered it over a little. But ultimately I had to be honest and it was that that caused the breakup to happen.
When you are not living in close proximity with the person you are dating (or, sometimes, when you are) it is possible to hide the parts of your life that might make the other party uncomfortable. These can be small parts (pets, family) or huge (religion, health, eating habits, etc). When you meet the prospective love of your life online, you need to bring your entire self to the table, online already creates a filter, don’t hinder the process by holding back anything that may be important to the relationship.
About the author: Huw works for Zoosk Customer Support and has been a blogger for over 15 years, a writer since high school and a geek forever. His idea of a perfect date is a tour of Alcatraz and the Barbary Coast Trail powered by dim sum.
Photo via Flickr. Creative Commons License: Attribution-ShareAlike.
By Aleks Oniszczak
Love doesn’t have to take a back seat in tough economic times. To the contrary, a little bit of creativity will put you back in the driver’s seat and you’ll have fun doing something different from the usual dinner and a movie!
Let’s start with dinner – what is it exactly that makes going out for dinner fun? There’s the novelty of going to a new restaurant or the familiarity and comfort of going to a favorite spot. There’s the anticipation of going out, getting ready, getting out of the house, experiencing the buzz and energy of people and conversations around you and, of course, walking back to the car and going home feeling like you’ve done something more with your time than sitting on the couch watching TV.
But most importantly, there’s the conversation with your special someone – getting to know them, sharing an experience and having fun. But this experience comes at a price! Sure it’s fun to eat sushi or check out that fancy new burger place, but it’ll cost you. If you’re on a budget, you’ll find yourself not going out very often if after paying for dinner, drinks, tax, tip, dessert etc. it eats your entire entertainment budget for the month, or even worse, puts you into debt! That my friend is no recipe for romance.
So what’s the answer? It’s simple – Coffee! Or Tea. Either will do. But, can it really take the place of dinner? Well, think about it – if you take the time to find a funky café with cozy seats and you’re with your honey, what’s not to like? You still have the planning as you do with a restaurant, you’re still going out – to a new part of town you haven’t explored before perhaps. You’re at a table together with lots of other people and couples around you, just like a restaurant. You can people watch, eavesdrop and gossip about the people and conversations around you just the same as you would if you were at one of those places where it ends with a large check on the table waiting for you to pay. You can talk, joke and stare into each other’s eyes just the same.
The only difference is that a couple of coffees are going to cost you around $5 even at “expensive” fancy cafes while even moderately priced restaurants are going to want you to part with more than that for the tip alone! Just don’t get tricked into getting a latte – you’re on a budget and the goal is to be able to go out with your honey as much as possible, not pay for the café owner’s trip to Europe. Coffee is the best deal, so stick with it. When times get better, go out for lobster – twice a day even. But until then, don’t be a shut-in, take your sweetie out and have fun!
Hope you found this post useful! Next time I post here, I’ll discuss how to derive all the fun of going out on a date to a first run 3D Imax movie – again, without breaking the bank.
About the author: Aleks Oniszczak has followed his own dating advice and has ended up happily married, living in San Francisco working as a QA Engineer at Zoosk. Being Canadian, he enjoys Poutine, skating and universal healthcare.
Photo via Flickr. Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike.
by Elsa Hou
Last week Zoosk announced the winning couple of our big RomanceFTW competition, who took home the grand prize of $10,000 plus a free romantic getaway paid for by Zoosk. That got me thinking about both the rewards and the challenges of going on a romantic getaway with a significant other. Certainly, taking a vacation with your partner can be one of your fondest experiences. Browsing my friends’ couple profiles on Zoosk, I can’t help but notice that many romantic moments occur while on vacation. But it can also be a daunting task to embark on. In light of that, I thought I’d put together a few tips for couples on how to make a romantic trip together a success from start to finish.
1. Be realistic about the status of your relationship. Is your relationship really at the stage where planning a vacation together is a good idea? In the beginning of relationships, emotions are running high and you have never been happier, but this is not necessarily the best time to plan a big trip together. A lot can change in a month, and when it’s time to finally depart, you don’t want to be wishing you had never purchased those non-refundable plane tickets to Hawaii.
2. Set expectations for what you are looking for from this vacation. Do you want to stay in hostels or luxury hotel rooms? Do you want to relax on the beach or do you want to scuba dive? Discuss what types of activities you look forward to while on vacation and select a destination and activities that you will both be happy with.
3. Be prepared and plan in advance. Have a list of places and restaurants that you want to check out. Pack appropriately for the activities that you have planned. For places that tend to get booked in advance, make reservations. The better prepared you are, the fewer issues there will be to argue over.
4. With that in mind, relax! Remember that some of the most memorable moments are the ones that are out of your control. Be flexible and have fun. Make the most of your time together in an exciting new environment. Ultimately, enjoying each other’s company is what a romantic vacation is all about – so enjoy.
Do you have more tips for romantic travel? Share them in our comments section!
About the author: Elsa Hou works in the Zoosk Marketing Team. She is a native Californian and enjoys music, dining out, and traveling.
Photo via Flickr. Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs.
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By Adrienne Hancik and David Harnois
Miscommunication happens all the time between partners. Yet it’s one of the most easily avoidable issues! All you need to know is how to communicate effectively. Here are some tips on how to become better at it and, in turn, become a better partner:
1. Pick the appropriate time and place for a discussion, when you both have time and a private setting. If you have just had an argument, make sure that you have allowed time to cool off and think over the issue. Trying to communicate effectively while still angry is usually a bad idea and DO NOT try to solve a big issue via text messaging!
2. First seek to understand, and only then to be understood. Try to put yourself in their shoes to get a different perspective. Be open and try to seeing the situation the way they see it.
3. Be aware of how you say things. Tone is very crucial. Use “I” phrases like, “I felt sad when you…”
4. Think of your partner as a very sensitive person. Even if they may not show it on the outside, your partner has emotions! Always be kind with your words, respectful, and polite.
5. Don’t make assumptions. You’re not a mind-reader! So ask your partner how she/he feels if you are unsure.
6. Avoid controlling the outcome. Learn to be able to compromise equally, while respecting each other’s wishes and values. A win-win situation is possible!
7. Stay positive! Miscommunication happens to everyone. They are usually little issues that can be ironed out. Don’t blow the small issues out of proportion but DO address them if they bother you because they usually lead to something bigger.
Remember, you and your partner are a team. If you keep these tips in mind while communicating, you will be able to overcome any challenges together and come out with an even closer, loving, and more understanding bond.
Do you have more suggestions for keeping the romantic journey on course? Share them with us in our comments section!
About the authors: David works for Zoosk’s customer support. Adrienne and David are both adventurous travelers. Both being European natives, Adrienne is from the Czech Republic and David is from Belgium. After working together in 2003, they lost touch until being reconnected in 2011 by a stroke of luck. They have been together and happy since September 2011.
Photo via Flickr. License: Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs.
By Sejal Monterroso, Zoosk User Operations
I recently joined a fitness boot camp. And in the midst of addressing my love handles, I learned several fitness principles that helped me better handle love:
1. Be consistent
Whatever your workout of choice is – running, yoga, basketball – won’t work if you aren’t consistent. Same goes for a relationship. You have to work at it, give consistent effort, and be committed to its success. Relationships don’t just happen, just like muscles don’t just happen. But work at it every day, and you will see positive results.
2. Get out of your comfort zone
One of my favorite quotes is “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do things you’ve never done.” To get that dream body, you can’t keep eating burritos and watching Jersey Shore marathons every day, no matter how much you may love those things. Also, the most effective part of weight training is those last few reps where you feel most uncomfortable and are pushing your muscles beyond their normal limits. In a relationship, if things you have done in the past have not worked for you, you need to change it up. If you are normally shy or do not like initiating conversations with new people, you have to step outside your comfort zone and develop those muscles. Go to places you don’t usually go, talk to people you ordinarily wouldn’t; over time, it will become easier and more natural to you.
3. Mix it up
In boot camp, we alternate between different exercises every 10 minutes, and our workouts vary by day. Not only does this help us develop different muscles, it keeps us engaged and interested so we want to stick with it. In real life, you can’t just go to the movies and local burger joint for every single date. Variety is the spice of life and it keeps relationships fresh. Experiencing something new with your significant other will allow you to continue learning new things about each other and helps to keep things fun and exciting so it is easy to stay in it for the long haul.
4. Find your balance
We talk a lot about balance in our boot camp and how developing better balance results in fewer injuries and greater stability. In relationships, having overall life balance is extremely important. Having individual activities, interests, and friendships helps to balance the time and energy you put into your relationship. You will find greater stability in your relationship if everything in your life is not dependent on your significant other. Putting all your happiness in another person’s hands is a set up for failure – and this lack of balance can certainly result in an “injury” of the heart.
5. Partner up
Especially for the more challenging exercises, our fitness trainer pairs us up and has us perform activities with a partner. Also, it is a fact that you have an increased probability of success in any activity if you embark on it with a partner. So much of life is enriched when you have someone by your side to share it with. In addition, you learn so much about yourself and how to be a better person when you are interacting with someone on a deep, intimate level. At first it may be difficult to open up or put yourself in a vulnerable position with someone. But the support, confidence, fun, and love that come with “partnering up” are priceless!
I leave you with the quote below – for fitness and for love!
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.”
About the writer: Sejal is originally from Chicago and enjoys wine tasting, sporting events, and al-fresco dining.
Photo via Flickr. License: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike.
When you go on a date, you want to put your best face forward. So we asked professional makeup artist Audrey Mendoza to show us how to create a great date night look. This is beautiful, fresh, and super easy to do at home even if you aren’t a professional makeup guru! We love it!
Check out the latest video from our popular Love Lessons series: Love Lessons with a Nightlife Photographer! Because when it comes to the laws of attraction, club photographers have seen it all. Presented by Zoosk.