Posts tagged ‘Dating Stories’
Written by Jean Smith, flirting expert and social anthropologist
People are looking for love and romance in their lives, but are often stuck on how to get it. Being proactive, getting out there, meeting people and being open is much more effective than sitting back and waiting for the man or woman or your dreams to sweep you off your feet. Ok, so you’re out there – now what? Flirt!
Here are 10 scientifically proven ways to meet your partner and find love.
1) Make a good first impression. Studies have shown it takes only a few seconds to make a first impression. Upon first meeting us, people pick up clues about us both consciously and subconsciously. They only know what we tell them, so project yourself in the way you’d like to be perceived. Follow these tips and techniques to make sure yours is a good one!
2) Be confident. People are attracted to confidence. The good news is that even if you are not feeling confident on the inside, you can always fake it on the outside the outside by standing tall with your head held high. Soon, these physiological indicators for confidence might just make you believe it yourself.
3) Like yourself. If, as the most important person in your world, you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
4) Smile. Smiles are easy to give and powerful to receive. Even when they are fake, the action of smiling produces oxytocin in the brain, promoting feelings of happiness. Besides, everyone looks more approachable, and like someone we would like to be around, when they smile.
5) Eye Contact. It is the most powerful flirting tool. In my research, it was the number one sign that made people understand when someone was flirting. The glances were more frequent, more intense, and lasted for longer. Women take note: it takes the average guy three looks before he begins to understand your interest.
6) Touch. When used appropriately, touch can be very effective in flirting. As a general rule, shoulders and higher up on the arm are considered ‘safe’ areas, as we move down the arm towards the hand, touch becomes more intimate. A light tap on the hand might be the perfect flirting tool for you to try.
7) Don’t be so quick to judge potential partners. Yes, looks are important, but how often have you started speaking with someone you weren’t initially attracted to, and they became a Greek god, before your very eyes! There is more to you than just your looks, just as there is more to others’ than their outside shell. Find out what is on the inside before you make your decision.
8) We all like to be feel special. It’s not all about you! Change your ‘me’ centred world to one of ‘other’ and feel the pressure and self-consciousness melt away. Make the other person your first priority. Focus less on yourself and how you are feeling and put your attention on the other person.
9) Take the ‘reject’ out of rejection. Rejection isn’t about you, it’s about the situation of the other person. Maybe they are tired, married, or you’re just not their type. The good news is that you are a million other people’s type … so go flirt with them!
10) Flirting is fun! Don’t look at flirting as something you are forced to do – flirting is a fun way to pass the time. Keep in light, fun, and pressure free. The only losers are those who don’t try…
About the author: Jean Smith aims to empower individuals in her personal one-on-one coaching sessions and public Flirtology Seminars, as well as Jean’s Flirting and Walking Tours of London. Both the personal coaching and the events combine Jean’s extensive knowledge of human behaviour and interaction with confidence-building and social skill acquisition techniques.
July 6, International Kissing Day. What does that mean? How do we celebrate “Kissing Day”? Are we supposed to lock lips with someone special this day? Do we study kissing technique? Is the purpose to increase the quantity of smooches? Do we try new styles of kisses? Or is it just a play from Hershey’s to coerce us to buy their chocolate morsels?
Don’t we all already know how to kiss already? We’ve been kissing since we were toddlers. Do we really need a day focusing on it?
To be blunt, the answer is “yes.” We need to set aside one day for the kiss because it’s such an accepted intimate act that carries so much weight in a relationship. It seems that once they’ve been in a relationship for a while, most couples’ kissing styles begin to mesh and they find their smooching groove somewhere in the middle. But, for couples newly dating, without much kissing experience or even for some “old timers”, a little guidance might be in order to guarantee this intimate act is seen as sensual, rather than as a fiasco.
It all starts with cleanliness. You don’t want to go sticking your tongue into someone’s damp cave of halitosis. So, if you know there might be a make-out session in your near future, brush your teeth beforehand. If that’s not possible, carry a travel size bottle of Scope, some mints or a stick of gum to freshen and not offend.
I remember in high school kissing a girl once after she’d eaten what seemed like a wheel of cheese. She wanted to make this kiss an event. Not a good thing. And, while we’re on the subject, fellas, if kissing is in on the horizon, shave so you don’t leave her with stubble rash.
The big question: open or closed? The simple answer: closed…duh. Once you have made lip-lock, there’s really no reason to open your eyes. Keep them closed and enjoy the ride. If you open them and your partner catches you, you run the risk of coming off kind of creepy. But, then again, you just caught them with their eyes open, too. Could be a match made in heaven.
Where do you put your hands while you’re kissing? It really depends on your position. Are you standing at a door? Sitting on a sofa? Lying on a bed? If you’re standing, wrapping your arms around your partner and rubbing their back is a safe way to go (think slow, sensual strokes). Another safe bet for most any position is even placing the hands the face (a hand cupping the jaw or lightly touching the cheek). Hands in your pockets? No!
Once the tongue comes into play with a kiss, you start to open the door to passion. A tongue can really heighten a kiss, but it can also douse the fires of excitement if used improperly. Remember, inch for inch, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. So, use that power for good, not evil. That means no shoving or forced entry. And, by all means, keep it in the mouth. No one needs you lapping their lips and chin like a Golden Retriever. Use your tongue to tease and seduce, and you’ll be fine.
Celebrate the kiss today, July 6th. Smooch good-bye on the cheek. Give a peck on the lips in the morning. Increase the passion a la the French. But, be sure that there’s meaning behind each lip-lock. Have fun.
Leon Scott Baxter is America’s Romance Guru and author of A Labor With Love and Out of the Doghouse and the new book, The Finance of Romance
Got some kissing advice you’d like to share? Share your lippiest tips in our comment section!
Check out the latest video from our popular Love Lessons series: Love Lessons with a Nightlife Photographer! Because when it comes to the laws of attraction, club photographers have seen it all. Presented by Zoosk.
Romance is all about sending the right messages. Which is why Zoosk went to a message-sending professional to ask for love advice. Check out Love Lessons from a Bike Messenger, the latest in Zoosk’s Love Lessons series!
You know the feeling. You see a message from someone whose profile you’ve checked out and a smile comes over your face. Eventually, when you reply, your well-crafted responses get another message in return.
You seem to be well on your way to building a connection and mustering the courage to ask your new Zoosk crush out for a coffee. And then….nothing. You get no response and days go by. You try not to think about it, but somewhere, in the back of your mind, you’re wondering what went wrong.
Was it something I said?
Did s/he check out my pictures again and saw something they didn’t like?
While sitting at a red light or waiting in the supermarket line, you remember that picture that initially got your interest in passing. But, some time goes by and you forget all about it. After all, there’re thousands of other potential dates around you.
But what if you want to give it another shot?
Ignore the fact that you haven’t heard from them in weeks. Have you never become so busy that you missed an email?
Message them again with a brand new topic. Lightly reference your previous conversation and ask them for that coffee now. It can go something like this:
“So hey, there’s an amazing indie band playing at the Main Street Cafe, I hear they kinda sound like that ____Band They Said They Like Here____.”
They may easily pass prefer meeting to playing catch-up with their messages. Remember, they did join a Romantic Social Network and it was to meet people like you!
Do you have other clever suggestions for breaking the ice again? Share them in our comments section!
Alex is a the PR Manager for Zoosk and, on his free time, he likes to DJ Electro House music and is learning to build furniture.
Manners are the core principle of being a gentleman. Nowadays, they have slightly disappeared from one’s education, and the world in which we live in, slowly forgetting what people took centuries to learn.
I was brought up in a family where manners were important, without being too strict. My dad used to tell us that we were lucky, that when he was growing up, kids were not allowed to speak at the dinner table.
The manners I have been brought up with are pretty simple but, I believe, necessary – if you want to be able to fit into any social situation. The first rule is: always be mindful of others and this is the common thread of all the ‘rules’ on the list below.
If you want to make a good impression on a first date, I believe these tips are as important as brushing your teeth:
- Always hold the door for others (Not only for women).
- Let ladies go through the door first.
- Let the woman go first everywhere except up stairs.
- Keep your nostril explorations for when you are on your own.
- When invited somewhere, never come empty handed. Bring wine, chocolates or a small gift.
- Always wait for the other to be finished before talking, interrupting is rude.
At the table:
- The host has to arrange a table plan (Those things are not only for weddings !), but this doesn’t need to be too formal.
- Nobody starts eating before everyone is served (unless the host says otherwise).
- Never put elbows on the table (not too enforced anymore, but useful in presence of older and very uptight people).
- Never speak with your mouth full.
- Never chew with your mouth open, making a noise is very rude.
- Eat everything, at least a little bit even if you don’t like it.
- Never lick your knife.
- Always serve the ladies first! (This makes me crazy at a restaurant. I usually go against the waiter(ess) when they serve me first, and make sure my date has her plate in front of her first).
I might be missing out on a few, but following these principles really make a difference in everyday life. Apply these principles to your life and see how people’s perception changes! What other politeness mistakes can you think of? Let us know in the comments section.
Country manager, Zoosk Marketing
Claude is a traveler, surfer and eternal romantic. French Native, he loves to cook and enjoys every minute of the life on this world.
I met Tegan Buzz on Zoosk at the time she was 22. We met in February 2009. Our first son was due in early March 2010 but surprised us and was born ten weeks premature. Followed was our second son in April 2011. After our second son was born we split for a little bit to make sure it’s what we really wanted as our relationship moved really quickly.
We both feel that it was meant to be and now we can’t imagine life without each other. She’s the only person that makes me feel the way she does. I love her for her and she loves me for me. We have no insecurities around one another.
She’s my rock, my world, and has given me the two best gifts anybody could ever ask for, my two sons.
Thank you Zoosk for helping me find my one best friend, my partner, my world, my rock and my soul mate.
Congratulations, Harley and Tegan, sounds like you found something very special!
In September of 2011, I had created a profile on Zoosk. I was tired of meeting guys in the traditional “bar scene.” A few weeks went by and I received a message from a guy that only included his phone number. It took me a couple days to think about if I wanted to call him. When I did, we agreed to meet up and have a drink, but I got scared and blew him off. Three days later I finally DID meet with him and I knew this was the guy I wanted to marry. After just six months in April he proposed to me and we just got married October 22, 2011. I never thought that it was possible to find someone like him. He puts me first and would like a family someday. There is someone out there for everyone. Thank you ZOOSK!!!!!
Congratulations and thank YOU for sharing your story with us!