There are better ways to break ice than with an overused pick-up line or a boring conversation starter.  “Nice weather we have today, isn’t it?” doesn’t exactly speak volumes about your personality. Speaking of personality, a boring introduction like this reveals only a lack thereof.

We know it’s not easy to fabricate witticisms at the drop of a hat, so we’ve come up a way to help you out.

On your Date Card, you’ll notice a fun new Icebreakers feature. Icebreakers are cute little questions (like “What is your least favorite part about flying on a plane?”) that any Zoosker can add to their Date Card. These questions which can be answered by interested Zooskers in lieu of sending a Wink (which doesn’t provide much description or detail about you) or a Flirt (a Flirt what we call a standard Zooskbox message that you write unprompted). Icebreakers make flirting easier than ever, and we’ve given you 100 different icebreakers to choose from!

Adding icebreakers to your profile is easy. As you edit your Date Card, visit the new icebreakers tab. You can add as many icebreakers on your profile as your lovely heart desires.

Compared to composing an unprompted message, answering an icebreaker is a piece of cake. You can respond to an icebreaker with a sparkling riposte right on a cutie’s Date Card.

Click “Answer” and a little box will pop up. Type your bon mots in the box and clickity click on “Send”.

The icebreaker lands right in the person’s Zooskbox. Easy breezy, ice is broken!

Once an icebreaker is sent to a Zooskbox, the appears like the above, with the question and answer together. How nice!

And with that freezing cold sheet of ice out of the way, things can finally heat up. Is it just me, or is it getting really hot in here?

In Bertrand Russell’s celebrated essay, “In Praise of Idleness,” the distinguished analytic philosopher and Nobel Laureate contends, quite rationally, “I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous. I hope that, after reading the following pages, the leaders of the YMCA will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing.” And, just for dramatic effect, he adds, “If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”

In response this glorious display of intellect, Zoosk responds most enthusiastically, “Hear hear!”

It appears that the folks at TechCrunch might also believe, as Russell himself did, that “Leisure is essential to civilization.” Could there be a truer truism? Purveyors of romantic leisure that we are, Zoosk is rightfully honored to have made it to the final round of voting at this year’s 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Awards in a category we are proud to be recognized in: Best Time Sink Application.

But we also adhere to the belief that the pursuit of love is an activity that, albeit leisurely, is absolutely necessary. Plus, leisure is useful too. Sure, you can’t expense a date on the company card or charge it to your place of work as a billable hour, but the time you spend looking for love is fully compensated, at the end of the road, when you find it. So while some time may sink during the quest, that time will be worth it when you get to your final destination. Think of it as a potentially long flight that just happens to take off and land at the exact same local time, just in different time zones.

So remember, everyone, vote for Zoosk! “Each person is invited to vote once per category per day through Wednesday, January 6th at midnight PST. Once you cast a vote in a category, you are able to share your vote through Twitter and Facebook.” Put a little bit of work in for Zoosk by voting every day until January 6th, and we’ll ensure you get the best time sink application the web has to offer for as long as your heart desires. XO.

By Juliet O

Yippee! Bring out the bells, the whistles, and the fancy trays of mouth-watering, calorie-laden sweets: the end-of-year holiday season has finally arrived! As this year (and decade) draws to a close, Zoosk wishes you the happiest holiday festivities and brightest spirits and cheer that this season has to offer.

Holidays bring with them a host of holly jolly things, from parties to paid vacation to presents, but our absolute favorite aspect of the holiday season will always be the unique excitement of holiday dating. The holiday merriment rubs off on even the most incorrigible Scrooge. Who doesn’t love an eggnog, peppermint schnapps, and mistletoe-fueled adrenaline rush?

But we know that desite the amazing rewards, holiday dating is not without its challenges. We want to make the entire process of dating during this time of year as easy on you as possible. We want you to stop stressing out and focus instead on enjoying yourself. To help our Zooskers navigate and cultivate their love lives during this special time of year, we’ve created the Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, a downloadable PDF that you can save on your desktop and read at your own convenience, that answers some of your most pressing questions about the rules of holiday dating.

Our guide includes holiday dating tips from relationship experts, gift-giving ideas for singles, holiday dating trends and much more. We surveyed thousands of Zooskers to find out what they really want this holiday. From what kind of gifts they wanted to what kind of date they wanted, we asked for the scoop.

Did you know that the majority — 68% — of Zooskers say that they’re looking for a long term relationship this holiday season? This guide gives you tips on how to meet someone this winter, and whether you’re just looking to land a holiday party date or if you’re on the market to establish something lasting, there are tidbits in this guide for every kind of dater.

We’ve also got expert advice from dating gurus like Rich Santos of Marie Claire, Julie Spira the best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and iVillage relationship columnist Sherry Amatenstein.

What holiday season is complete without a healthy dose of materialism? In our surveys, we asked Zooskers what kind of presents they hoped to receive from dating partners, and our Holiday Guide reveals their answers. We were pleasantly surprised to discover how completely unmaterialistic our user base is! Overwhelmingly, you guys responded that you were just hoping for a simple hug or kiss from your date this season.

Now that the question of what to get your partner is answered and filed away, you can focus on the more important thing: how to land said partner in the first place.

Since the week before Christmas marks the busiest time of year on our site, your chances of landing dates this month are statistically the highest of the year. This means that you should go out and work everything you’ve got. Flirt shamelessly. Message as many Zooskers as your greedy heart desires. The numbers show that people are looking for romance this month, so it doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there. If you’re still feeling shy, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, “Live boldly.” Other people, we’re sure, are doing the same.

What are you waiting for? Go give yourself the best gift of all this holiday season: love.

For more facts and tidbits from our Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, download the guide here on our site! Good information is a shame to waste. Tell all your friends about it — heck, tell your date about it — and go out there and take advantage of the happiest time of the year!!!

By Juliet O

Even though winter is cold and gray, there are plenty of fun icy-weather dates to be had during the months of December through February! Instead of putting on those extra five to ten pounds to keep your body warm in the frigid chill, why not meet someone sexy who raises your body temperature without raising your utility bills (and body mass index)? So turn on your computer and go to Zoosk, where 40 million singles are all putting their icy fingertips to the keyboard this season with one solitary purpose: meeting someone to hibernate with during the short days and loooong nights with (wink wink) of winter. Kiss seasonal depression good-bye with a hot winter date.

Play in the snow: go skiing or snowboarding, take a winter walk, or play it simple and build a snowman together!

Pretend that the snow is actually sand and instead of being outside in negative ten degree weather you’re actually at a Caribbean island. Just kidding. You don’t have to pretend that snow is anything other than snow, because a white winter can actually be really romantic and gorgeous in its own right. Why else are ski vacations such a popular pastime for couples? Winter walks can be lovely if you’re bundled up and holding hands, mitten to mitten. You can give each other Eskimo kisses as snowflakes drift from the halcyon sky and land in your lashes as you gaze into each others eyes. My favorite winter walks are those that occur at dusk when the moon is big and bright, the streetlamps are lit like a vintage movie, and the stars in the night sky reflect and dance off the snow. When you get home, where it’s cozy and warm, you can make hot cocoa and cuddle together on the couch while watching DVDs of romantic winter movies like It’s A Wonderful Life and March of the Penguins.

Dine together on hot foods that are typically associated with the winter season

Imaging great winter foods, a few variables come to mind. First, the food should be warm in temperature to put some warmth in your system, like chicken noodle or savory lentil soup. To protect you through the cold, the food should help you break a sweat — feel free to add the spicy hot peppers! Second, the food needs to be satisfying and comforting — something that lifts the spirit in times of chill — so think of foods that make you feel good, like cheesy casseroles, roasted game, Christmas puddings, and steaming hot gingerbread. Mmmm. And experiment with winter produce! Winter doesn’t mean that your only food choices are cabbage and potatoes — did you know that avocados, citrus fruits like grapefruits and oranges, bananas, greens like chard and kale, and root veggies like turnips, celery roots, and rutabagas are in season during the winter months too? A root veggie gratin, sauteed greens, and a desert of banana cream pie. Mmm.

Veg out at home — nothing is more romantic than being snowed-in with your romantic somebody

Snow day? Can’t go to work because there’s a foot of snow in your driveway? Or, say you live somewhere it doesn’t snow, like California — why not pretend you’re snowed in with your sweetie, even if you aren’t? The best part about winter is that you have an excuse to be a homebody. “It’s too cold; we can’t go out.” Who says you need to leave the house to have a good time? Get in front of the television with your partner and watch that marathon of Lost DVDs. Order Chinese take-out and spend the night playing board games against one another. Spend a quiet night at home reading together. Go on a baking marathon with your date and get all your Christmas cookies out of the way in one go — making sure to use the heart-shaped cookie cutter for the cookies you bake for one another. Whatever you need to do to make your winter romantic, you can do it without leaving the house.

Find your winter love on Zoosk today!

Some other articles you might be interested in:
Having good testimonials might get you a date
Are you in love with the idea of being in love?
When it comes to love it’s worth a try

photo credit: the wicked soul

By Juliet O

Using Zoosk’s Community boards is a great way to get noticed.

Of course, Zoosk’s mission is to introduce you to singles in your local area and hook you up with potential dates, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make friends or join our Community discussions while you’re at it. During moments of downtime during your maelstrom of flirting, check out our Community boards for relevant dating tips, fun conversation, and online dating success stories from our users.

The Community is also a fun way to get to know people from all over the world. If you’re not opposed to a long distance relationship, you can even meet people on the Community boards. We’ve had it happen before! All you have to do to go to a person’s profile from the Community pages is click on their photo. The right hand side of a Community post also shows if a Zoosker is currently online, how many posts they’ve made, and how long they’ve been on Zoosk. To message a person from the Community boards, all you need to do is click the little envelope icon below their photo. See below.

Whenever you make a community post, it goes on your status feed as well, as Zoosk’s status feed that gets shown to Zooskers within your search criteria. Yet another way to get noticed — not a bad deal! We also host contests on our Community for coins and other prizes. Who doesn’t love prizes? I hope you’re convinced now that Community participation is fun! Of course, it’s totally up to you, but we’d like to to know that it’s an option, and a good one at that.

By Anne B

Anytime that we experience something painful in our lives our intuitive reaction is to avoid it. If a surface is hot, we instinctively remove our hand before we get burned. We might even avoid approaching a potential love interest because of the anxiety we feel about starting that initial ice breaker conversation. However psychologists are saying that some problems just “are” and trying to make them disappear might not be the answer.

I feel confident saying most of us try to avoid pain when it comes our way. Our natural response to any kind of unpleasant thought or feeling is to resist even having those thoughts or feelings to begin with. For example, you’ve just broken up with someone. The thoughts and feelings you are faced with are by no means happy ones. In fact, you’d like to avoid having them altogether. So you stop going to the bar where you first met. You stop eating chicken parmesan, because it was your lost lover’s favorite dish. It hurts to be reminded, so you take a small detour when these things cross your path. If you are honest with yourself, you know that many times negative situations and the negative feelings they bring about cannot be avoided.

Nobody enjoys feelings of loneliness, but what do you do about it? You could try to fight the feelings. You could do whatever it takes to make them go away. These feelings are coming from somewhere though. So if you try to make them go away, you might just be providing yourself with a momentary distraction. It feels good and it helps for a while, but the root of it is still there.

What most people don’t realize is that we have primary and secondary emotions. I’ll use an example to illustrate what these are. Let’s say you have a million things to do and you are getting pretty stressed out about it. That’s the primary emotion. The secondary emotion would be that now you are getting upset because you hate feeling stressed out. But by focusing on the painful part of the situation, your stress level, it prolongs the stress.

What if, brace yourselves now, you just accepted the primary emotion for what it is? If you’ve broken up with someone your primary emotion might be some form of heartache. It’s normal to have feelings of loneliness, sadness, or longing, but you tell yourself you need to make those feelings go away. This puts all of the focus on the negative feelings. Why not just accept them, and remind yourself that these feelings are a normal and natural part of life? Everyone experiences similar ups and downs at some point and, as strange as it may sound, it’s ok to feel that way.

This doesn’t mean that you have to like what is happening, and it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be looking for ways to improve the current situation and move past it. It means that you have control of the impact that this emotion is going to have on your life. You can isolate it for what it is. Kabat-Zinn is a scientist, author, and meditation thought leader, who teaches that when you are mindful of these feelings, you can label them for what they are, and then focus your energy on other things. It’s a practice of identifying the negative situation, but ending your emotional involvement with it there. After all these are just thoughts and they don’t need to dictate your next move.

My friends, I’m no moth. I see the flame for what it is. I can’t change it. I can’t make it go away, but I won’t get burned.

By Juliet O

Have you ever heard the phrase “I’m in love with the idea of being in love”? This phrase relates to a real phenomenon. Many of us, your author included, have at one time or another been in love with the idea of love.

It is actually quite easy to be seduced by a concept. And love is a seductive concept. Our literary and artistic culture is riddled with hyperbolic, overwrought, and unattainable descriptions of what love means. The way love is described in famous novels is so exaggerated, it becomes almost absurd. In Goethe’s famous novel, Sorrows of Young Werther, the main protagonist actually takes his own life because the woman he loves doesn’t love him back. When the novel was published in 1774, it inspired a wave of “Werther fever” as young men throughout Europe began dressing in the style of the main character as described in the book. This “Werther fever” even lead to many copycat suicides as readers actually took their own lives, like Werther did, when confronted with unrequited love. This example shows how susceptible we are to ideas of love, even when these ideas in no way resembles the real thing.

Love shouldn’t drive you to die. It should give you a reason to live. And yet if you were to read The Sorrows of Young Werther or Romeo and Juliet or Wuthering Heights, you’d think love and suffering were one and the same, that you couldn’t fully love someone without suffering great pain and loss. Even cinema reflects this strange comparison of love and suffering. Just look at movies like Titanic or Gone with the Wind or Moulin Rouge or Casablanca. Even though the two main characters in all these movies are separated by the film’s end, even though we’re deprived as an audience of a happy ending, we blissfully watch these movies and use them as actual examples of “true love”. Would these movies have been as romantic had the characters gotten together and lived happily ever after? I doubt it. I certainly wouldn’t have cried so hard at the end of Casablanca had Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman flown off together in a plane to get married and settle down. We love their story because it ends in loss.

These stories that we tell ourselves are beautiful and enjoyable, but it’s important to realize that they’re just stories. They’re a work of fiction that represent an idea that has little bearing in real life. Real love is far from the idea of love. Real love isn’t always exciting; it’s actually frequently boring. Unlike these dramatic stories and movies that operate by a series of ups and downs, high highs and low lows, mystery and intensity, unexpected twists and turns, the real thing is actually far from turbulent. Real love, the kind that sustains over time and contributes to ones life in a positive way, is actually really stable. And when you love someone, you don’t expect them to be like heroes or heroines in plays, movies, or novels. You accept them as real people with real personalities. People are not ideas, and if you like someone because they symbolize or represent something to you, you’re in for a disappointment. No one can live up to your ideas, because those ideas aren’t theirs but yours, and as such, when you love your ideas, you aren’t in love with anyone else; you’re actually in love with yourself. You’re in love with a figment of your own imagination.

So next time you tell someone that you like your guy because he reminds you of someone else or that your gal is great because she represents an attractive ideal, think long and hard about whether you’re actually in love or just infatuated with the idea of love. These things are distinct and highly incompatible, and to think they are one and the same is to accept a delusion that can only lead to disappointment.

Real love sustains and leads to happiness. So wouldn’t you rather go for the real thing?

If you enjoyed this article, be sure to check out our other articles on love:
When it comes to love, it’s worth a try
In love, remember to check your baggage at the door
How to talk to women 101
Online dating rule: take things slow

Photo credit: deardarling

By Anne B

Once upon a time a young woman in her early-mid twenties with stars in her eyes moved to a charming little city called San Francisco. Naturally when single and living in San Francisco with a cute little apartment, what better accessory to your lifestyle could you find than a scooter? Not just any scooter, a midnight blue Vespa, 200 cc’s, with a tan suede seat. She had dreams of sunny Saturday afternoon rides spent scooting across the Golden Gate Bridge. Sigh, all too picture perfect.

Then finally it happened. She got a parking ticket. Although her girl-meets-scooter experience was slightly tarnished and it set her back 70 dollars, she looked optimistically passed it. She focused on how amazing those new bomber leather Marc Jacob pumps would look riding her blue stallion.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that just around the corner she is in for another, and slightly more serious, setback. This time she’ll have an accident on a slippery rode and have to repair a broken rear view mirror. In spite of a few lingering scratches from the slip she will be fine, but her rattled nerves will make it just a little more difficult to rationalize eating noodles again for dinner in order to pay the insurance bill she’ll have to hand over to Geico on the first of the month.

Such is life. The tragic heroine of our story saw a beautiful Vespa and without knowing what was in store or considering the possible implications of her investment she threw herself whole heartedly into the decision she made. Although it may not have been the most practical of choices, and even poses potential danger, she was determined that it was the right fit for her. Shouldn’t loving it and having an intense desire to see it work out be enough?

Is it any different in our relationships? I’m not implying that a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a scooter, attractive yet functional accessories to life that have their hazards but can be a lot of fun to ride. Um, when you look at it that way, I guess I should clarify. I’m not saying that long-term boyfriends and girlfriends are like scooters. My point is, sometimes we don’t know what is good for us and we have to get hurt to find out. Loving someone might not always be enough, but at least you have loved.

We can be open to new relationships and maybe even make mistakes to recognize who the right fit is when he or she comes along. It hurt for our girl to realize that she might be more of a Volvo kinda girl when she just bought a Vespa. Even worse, it hurts to have your heart broken when you realize that the apple of your eye is just not going to be a part of your apple pie. But now you know, and it didn’t kill you. You can and will move on. Our heroine knows a little bit more about herself through the whole experience. Although it wasn’t what she needed, it was a great ride that taught her valuable lessons.

Many people have a list of qualities they are looking for, and are unwilling to see beyond the criteria they have set for a potential partner. You can’t compromise on values like honesty, loyalty, and trust; it doesn’t end well for either party involved. Values are one thing, but try to have an open mind with the nitty-gritty details. When you find yourself overlooking a great person simply because they might laugh like a hyena when you are at the movie theatre, maybe next time just watch the comedy at home? What if you are always reaching for cookie dough when, if you just gave it a chance, mint chocolate chip might really blow your taste buds away?

What truly makes an incredible experience is when we can let go and allow ourselves to love deeply. These are the experiences that set the course of our lives. Keep your eyes open for foolish choices and potential accidents. Just know that you’ll make mistakes, but you won’t make them twice.

Photo credit: gaioum

Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).

How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.

Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back?

If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.

Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.

It makes sense that the closer you get to someone the more susceptible your relationship might be to issues of jealousy. The closer you get to someone, the more vulnerable you get and the more you have to lose if this person steps out of your life. As you fall in love, you are letting your defenses down and opening yourself up to be hurt by someone. But love means that you have to trust that the other person won’t hurt you and won’t break your heart. If they love you, they won’t. If they love you, they’re also opening themselves to that same level of vulnerability. While the stakes get higher, you and your partner are both on the same team. But jealousy assumes that both parties aren’t on the same team, that there’s a power dynamic, that one person stands to win if the other person loses. This is no way to love. Jealousy is unhealthy and destructive. It is everything that love is not.

How can we control jealousy in relationships? How can we live free of jealousy, let go of our insecurities, and love openly? I posed this question to our Zoosk Community, and the responses I received were thoughtful, accurate, and full of wisdom and truth. If you need advice on how to control your jealousy, look no further than these tidbits of wisdom from our Zooskers:

“Jealousy does stem from insecurity. I think it’s more about how we act when we feel jealous that matters than the idea of trying NOT to be jealous. It’s been my experience that the more we try to NOT feel one way or another. It’s a hard balance to walk, but I think we just need to learn to recognize it when we feel jealous and to keep it at a reasonable level. I also think it’s critical to talk with your significant other when things make you feel jealous. To explain (in a non-confrontational manner) that you feel jealous and explain why you feel that way. Make it clearly understood (if the behavior the jealousy stemmed from was reasonable) that you’re not wanting them to change the behavior but simply sharing your reaction to it so they understand where you’re coming from.” -SemperTry

“I don’t like being jealous, and I am working on it as well. If someone breaks that trust with me, then I do not know what I will do. I have a hard time trusting people. My last relationship, I was jealous and was possessive and controlling. I do not want to be that same person if I were to be with somebody else. It is a horrible feeling to be jealous and have insecurities. Everybody has insecurities but it’s up to you to control them, and establish that trust and do not break it.  I feel if I continue to grow as a better person for myself, and feel good about it, then it would maybe work out better in my relationships. Again, trust is a huge deal.” -Reana

“I think that jealousy is normal to a point, then it grows irrational. If you are going to be in a healthy relationship, there needs to be a measure of trust. Both people need to be able to go out with their friends, both male and female, and just do their own thing. Then it makes it that much more exciting to see the other person later on. You get to tell each other the stories of what you both did. And you don’t have to go separate ways all the time. Going out together with friends is good, too. Just not good every single time.” -Artsydoodlebug88

“Jealousy can manifest even if there is not a lack of trust or no insecurity involved. I myself have felt that form of jealousy. I don’t know if you can have a love relationship and never feel any type of jealousy. It sounds strong and noble to say you are not a jealous person and feel no jealousy for any reason, but personally I would have to question the deepness of my woman’s love for me if I flirted around and showered other girls with attention while not showing my woman an equal amount of attention at least, and she didn’t feel a scrap of jealousy that her man gave more attention to other women than to her.” -Voice Guy

“I think jealousy is a human feeling that should be one of the seven deadliest. Furthermore I think jealousy stems from someone having the ability to cheat on their partner their selves. Or perhaps they do not have a fair amount of self esteem or confidence. Meaning if someone is doing something I do not like as in a behavior I probably have that behavior myself. I may be to a greater or lesser degree but it is there. So, it is my belief when someone is jealous they cannot be trusted themselves. I hold to the belief that the more mature a person gets and the more secure they are in themselves they will lose the penchant to exhibit jealous tendencies.” -Chefboy

It seems that Zooskers agree that jealousy is a negative force on relationships and has the power to destroy them completely. Our Zooskers also agree that jealousy stems from insecurity and lack of trust. Rather than controlling people with jealous behavior, we should all try to be more mindful of our own issues. Treat jealousy at its source. Look into your own mind and ask yourself where your insecurities come from. Recognize that your jealousy has more to do with your insecurities than it does with your partner’s behavior. The path to overcoming jealousy is inside you and no one else!

Photo credit: Nifty