As the year winds down, Zoosk looks at the work we’ve done through 2009 with feelings of accomplishment. We’ve become the fastest growing online dating site in the world, and we’ve released some amazing new products like Zoosk Desktop, Zoosk Mobile, Zoosk Coins, and our new product, Boost Views. We’ve also brought people together from all over the world and helped so many of our users find love. We sincerely hope you’ve had as much fun with Zoosk this year as we’ve had, working for you. If that’s been the case, please vote for Zoosk for a 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Award, and nominate us for Best Social Networking Application.

Nominations just opened, but you can vote each day until the ballots close two weeks from now. Each vote counts, so please remember to bookmark the site and vote for Zoosk every day from now until December 4 so that we can make it to the next round of voting!

The more you show your support, the more people will know about Zoosk. That means our user base, YOUR dating pool, will get bigger and bigger. We know you want your dating pool to grow so that you raise the chances of finding that someone special, so remember to vote for Zoosk this year. Our hopes are that Zoosk will grow so we have a better chance of matching every single one of our users up with someone who works for them. We’d love to win a Crunchie so that this can happen. Thanks Zooskers! Vote for Zoosk!

Photo credit: Sabrina’s Stash

By Juliet O

All daters have fears. By dating, we make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt in many ways that are precluded by choosing to remain single. As daters, we tend to hold onto our fears, much to our own detriment. Fears hold us back and hinder us from opening ourselves up to love and fulfillment. Part of the battle of dating is in eliminating your fears — of intimacy, of vulnerability, of emotional honesty, of betrayal, of rejection, of ourselves — so that you can open yourself to the possibility of love. It’s not always easy.

Online dating presents a unique set of fears and challenges. While it may seem difficult, these fears need to be overcome if you want to date online successfully. We want to guide you through these online dating fears and give you tips on how to overcome them, because we want online dating to be a great experience for you. And why shouldn’t it be a positive experience? By online dating, you have an automatic dating pool of singles all using Zoosk for the same purpose: to hopefully find romance and connection. But how can you find romance or connection if you’re still holding onto all that fear and baggage? If you still hold onto fears or reservations regarding online dating, read this post for helpful tips on overcoming your trepidation, in order to engage with the online medium openly and fortuitously.

Fear 1: Fear of the telephone.

It’s not always easy jumping into uncharted waters and talking on the telephone. For some, the telephone is viewed with a disproportionate amount of anxiety. Most of the anxiety stems from a fear of not having anything to talk about (which can be awkward indeed). But the phone isn’t as scary as it looks or seems. In August, we published a tutorial on how to be a smooth operator on the phone. We discussed some of the basic rules of phone conversation, and we even offered some wisdom on why the phone is an important first step in online dating. Another part of the fear re: phone calls is an absence of things to discuss, of awkward pauses and momentary glitches in the flow of conversation. Fear not: here are some conversation ideas. There is no shame in writing down topics in advance to make phone conversation smoother. Honestly. The only shame is in being so scared of the phone that you don’t even make it past the online stage to a real life meeting.

Fear 2: Fear of getting close.

We all have a fear of getting close to people, but we must overcome that fear if we want to find love. As we wrote previously, “our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities.” A good way of overcoming this fear is to simply look at the alternative. Being hurt is painful, but there is also pain in prolonged solitude. What’s worse? The pain of heartbreak, which dulls over time, or the pain of solitude, which only grows as time goes on? In the end, love is worth the struggle, so swallow your fears and take the leap. Even if you fall, you’ll get back on your feet.

Fear 3: Fear of other people.

Other people can be really, really scary. The scariest aspect of other people is not knowing if your idea of who they are coheres with the actual truth of who they are. You might think someone likes you, for instance, but how do you know they actually do? We fear other people most when we have an unstable view of ourselves. We fear people because we fear that they have the ability to affect us, that their being in our lives somehow affects how we view our lives. What we must realize is that no matter what happens to us, we are still fundamentally who we are. No one can remove or take that.

Fear 4: Fear of failure.

We all fear failure, not just in our relationships, but in everything. But things that are high risk are sometimes associated with the highest rewards. Love is one of those things. By letting your fear of failure hold you back, you are also denying yourself the rewards of love. That doesn’t sound like a great trade-off. Unfortunately, people do fail in love — it’s a fact of dating. But people also succeed and win big all the time. Look at how many weddings are held each day, or how many people connect with one another each day to establish rewarding, substantial relationships. It’s a total game of chance, and sometimes, playing it safe has the biggest risk of all: the risk that, in the end, you’ll miss out on love completely.

Fear 5: Fear of real life.

Real life is definitely a scary place. When you’re dating online, you are shielded from the distractions and pressures of dating in real life. The thing is, all online relationships go to the real life stage at some point, if they are to be considered successful. And if you’re so scared of real life that you don’t ever take your romance out of the virtual realm, then you miss out on the possibility of growing your online relationship into something real and lasting. How do you overcome this fear of ‘IRL’ (in real life)? Get to know someone that you meet pretty well online first, taking it slow, before heading out to meet them in real life. That way, if you feel like you already know them, you can be confident that this person won’t surprise you in a negative way. One of the first rules of online dating is to take things slow, after all. Make yourself comfortable first, before heading to real life — no shame in overcoming fear slowly.

We hope these tips have been helpful. If you like these and other Zoosk online dating tips, remember to vote for Zoosk in Mashable’s 2009 OpenWeb Awards as best overall Facebook App! We love our fans and we’d love to see you love us back. Afterall, we’re both in the business of love!

By Juliet O

You’ve put all that work in making a great Date Card, but you’re still not fully satisfied with the number of clicks you’re getting? You want to raise your page views, but don’t know what to do? It’s not you, don’t worry. But it’s not your Date Card, either. There are simple ways to get even more profile views and raise your chances of meeting the right person on Zoosk, by simply following some of our tips on promoting your online dating profile via social media tools.

Great online dating profiles shouldn’t just sit there waiting to be discovered. Take your online dating fate into your own ambitious, single-person hands! If you want love in this day and age, there is no shame on promoting yourself, within reason, to making finding it an easier process. There are definitely ways to raise your chances of having your profile fall across the path of the right person, on Zoosk and on the web. Here are our suggestions.

Post on Zoosk’s Community Pages

Our Community Pages are a great place to get valuable dating advice and voice your opinion on topics relevant to online dating. The pages are also a great place to have your profile seen by the dating community at large. By making yourself prominent on our boards and contributing great content to our community, you expose your profile in a positive way to the numerous Zooskers who visit them daily. Your comments on the boards are also added to your Zoosk status feed, which shows up on your Date Card and on the Zoosk front page that is seen by singles in your local area.

Fan Zoosk on Facebook and comment on our updates

Zoosk has a very active Facebook Fan community that is growing  by the day. Check out how many people comment or “like” each of our status updates! Join in on the discussion via our Facebook Fan page and meet other Zooskers via their virtual discussions. Invite your friends to join our Facebook community as well, and you might even get free coins from one of our Facebook fan contests! Keep an eye on our Fan Page in the future, to hear about Zoosk news, releases, dating advice and information, as well as future community contests and programs of interest to our beloved Zooskers.

Integrate Zoosk on Facebook

We are aware that not all people want to be public about their online dating lives. Our Facebook application allows you to adjust your privacy settings to hide all your Zoosk activity so that no one in your Facebook network has to know that you are involved in any manner with online dating. But for people who want to be a bit more public about Zoosk, you can install our Facebook application to your main FB page and let others know, via FB, that you are single and searching.

Tweet about online dating and follow us on Twitter

Another way to publicize your online dating profile is to use Twitter and “tweet” out about your involvement with Zoosk. Follow us on Twitter and tweet @Zoosk and we promise to send you a shout-out in return. Use #hashtags to talk about online dating like #zoosk or #onlinedating, write about your topics “@Zoosk,” and discover that Twitter is a great way to publicize your Zoosk Date Card to other  Zooskers on the site. You can also contact us on Twitter via a direct message or a Tweet if you have any questions or concerns about Zoosk. As we say, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you follow us, and we’ll follow you!”

Blog about online dating

Finally, blogging is a great way to let off some steam and write about your experiences. Who doesn’t have a personal blog these days? They can be so cathartic and therapeutic. There are so many online dating blogs and singles blogs that deal with issues like dating and romance, so why not join in on the dialogue and get your voice heard? The blogosphere is a great way to publicize your online dating profile, if you take the leap of faith and put yourself out there! Don’t worry, the web isn’t such a scary place. Embrace the future of love!

Photo credit: bobby-james

By Juliet O

You know in those beginning stages of getting to know someone (whether in real life or online) when you know you like this person but you’re trying to figure out if they like you? You don’t really know how they feel 100% (plus you’re shy) so you don’t really want to start talking about being “in a relationship”, plus you don’t know how to bring up the topic in the first place without being the weirdo who brings up the topic in the first place. Right? How existential and circular. I feel like I’m in a Charlie Kaufman screenplay. But seriously, how do you talk about relationships without talking about relationships? Specifically, how do you say things like “I want to be in a relationship with you but let’s talk about it” without sending out total creep or stalker or crazy person vibes?

Through my extensive first person research and years spent analyzing this very topic exactly, I know of some great methods for talking about relationships without talking about relationships. There are ways, as counterintuitive as it seems, to bring up the relationship chat without explicitly bringing it up. I suppose some people would view this as a failure of communication, but I think of it more as “communicating subtly” (i.e. self preservation). For the shy ones out there, here’s how you do it.

Talk about love, vaguely and generally.

What better way to segue into the relationship chat than to talk about love? Rather than being all “So what are we?” you can simply talk about your feelings and hopes and desires. This is an ingenious way to talk about a potential relationship, because you can give very concrete and specific opinions you have on love and then ask for affirmation or denial. If you get affirmation, great, perhaps you have more courage now to move forward and explicitly state your wants. If you get denied, then you know that you should probably stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and move on. Like? “They say that the moment you meet someone you realize you could love, you know it. Do you agree?” Hint.

Bring up a scenario in a movie/novel/play/music video that mirrors your situation.

There are millions of instances in popular culture where this very emotional conundrum appears. Uncertain love is everywhere, so find a situation that sort of mirrors your own and bring it up and see what your person has to say. For instance, if I was totally in love with my friend but he didn’t realize it, I’d bring up the movie Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) and say something to the effect of, “I feel sort of like Mary Stuart Masterson’s character in that movie.” And then I’d look at my guy and see if he starts shying away uncomfortably or if he looks into my eyes and tells me that he wants to be with me forever.

Make your person listen to a really romantic love song, inch closer to them, and see how they respond.

This one works every time. So you are feeling crazy romantic toward someone but you’re sort of getting mixed signals and you want to see once and for all if they’re into you that way or just want to be friends? Pop a love song (something super cheesy like “True” by Spandau Ballet) while you’re alone together, sitting on the couch maybe, and then move closer to them and see what happens. Maybe you should make an entire playlist in case things start going really, really well. If they’re not into you, they’ll get awkward and move away. If they’re into you, they’ll put up with your advances, and then who knows what will happen.

Talk about past relationships, but not in a nostalgic way.

If you really want this thing you have with someone to turn into a relationship, another way to bring up the relationship chat is to talk about past relationships. Talk about how your relationships developed, how you knew it was love, what you did in the beginning of that relationship when things were uncertain, and then cautiously move the conversation toward your situation with this new person. Again, if they’re not having it, they’ll change the subject and you can move on with your life. If they start talking to you about their relationships in return, this is perfect timing to bridge the topic of the possibility of a new relationship, between the two of you.

Talk about how you want to avoid dating people who aren’t on the same page as you.

If none of the above approaches sound like they’ll work for you (like if your person is totally dense and doesn’t respond well to hints), then maybe you need to be more direct. How can you be more direct without being entirely direct? Why not just bring up how you hate people who string you along or lead you on and then look at them accusingly? This approach might not work for everyone, but it’s sure to bring the skeletons tumbling out of the closer if your person is really, in fact, leading you on. Who, if they are leading someone on, can stand there innocently as someone is essentially going off on people who lead people on, and then staring accusingly?

I hope these tips help. Obviously the best advice is just to be direct, but I understand that it’s not always easy and sometimes we need a temporary crutch before we go back to being the honest, earnest people we are.

Photo credit: zabara_tango

Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).

How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.

Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back?

By Juliet O

If you let it out of its cage, jealousy is the green-eyed monster that can and does cause irreparable damage to your relationship. A little bit of jealousy can be cute and even healthy. You should care if you see your partner flirting with someone else at a bar, but you shouldn’t get into a bar fight. But when it rages out of control, jealousy can damage your relationship with your partner, your friends, your family, and worst of all, yourself.

Fundamentally, jealousy is an insecurity: an inability to trust another person to be truthful to you. At its heart, jealousy stems from a lack of trust. Because jealous people don’t trust that their partners will act honestly, they attempt to coerce their partners with controlling, manipulative, and angry emotions. Nobody enjoys being manipulated or controlled, so often times, jealous behavior has the opposite effect than the one it intended: you end up pushing people away.

It makes sense that the closer you get to someone the more susceptible your relationship might be to issues of jealousy. The closer you get to someone, the more vulnerable you get and the more you have to lose if this person steps out of your life. As you fall in love, you are letting your defenses down and opening yourself up to be hurt by someone. But love means that you have to trust that the other person won’t hurt you and won’t break your heart. If they love you, they won’t. If they love you, they’re also opening themselves to that same level of vulnerability. While the stakes get higher, you and your partner are both on the same team. But jealousy assumes that both parties aren’t on the same team, that there’s a power dynamic, that one person stands to win if the other person loses. This is no way to love. Jealousy is unhealthy and destructive. It is everything that love is not.

How can we control jealousy in relationships? How can we live free of jealousy, let go of our insecurities, and love openly? I posed this question to our Zoosk Community, and the responses I received were thoughtful, accurate, and full of wisdom and truth. If you need advice on how to control your jealousy, look no further than these tidbits of wisdom from our Zooskers:

“Jealousy does stem from insecurity. I think it’s more about how we act when we feel jealous that matters than the idea of trying NOT to be jealous. It’s been my experience that the more we try to NOT feel one way or another. It’s a hard balance to walk, but I think we just need to learn to recognize it when we feel jealous and to keep it at a reasonable level. I also think it’s critical to talk with your significant other when things make you feel jealous. To explain (in a non-confrontational manner) that you feel jealous and explain why you feel that way. Make it clearly understood (if the behavior the jealousy stemmed from was reasonable) that you’re not wanting them to change the behavior but simply sharing your reaction to it so they understand where you’re coming from.” -SemperTry

“I don’t like being jealous, and I am working on it as well. If someone breaks that trust with me, then I do not know what I will do. I have a hard time trusting people. My last relationship, I was jealous and was possessive and controlling. I do not want to be that same person if I were to be with somebody else. It is a horrible feeling to be jealous and have insecurities. Everybody has insecurities but it’s up to you to control them, and establish that trust and do not break it.  I feel if I continue to grow as a better person for myself, and feel good about it, then it would maybe work out better in my relationships. Again, trust is a huge deal.” -Reana

“I think that jealousy is normal to a point, then it grows irrational. If you are going to be in a healthy relationship, there needs to be a measure of trust. Both people need to be able to go out with their friends, both male and female, and just do their own thing. Then it makes it that much more exciting to see the other person later on. You get to tell each other the stories of what you both did. And you don’t have to go separate ways all the time. Going out together with friends is good, too. Just not good every single time.” -Artsydoodlebug88

“Jealousy can manifest even if there is not a lack of trust or no insecurity involved. I myself have felt that form of jealousy. I don’t know if you can have a love relationship and never feel any type of jealousy. It sounds strong and noble to say you are not a jealous person and feel no jealousy for any reason, but personally I would have to question the deepness of my woman’s love for me if I flirted around and showered other girls with attention while not showing my woman an equal amount of attention at least, and she didn’t feel a scrap of jealousy that her man gave more attention to other women than to her.” -Voice Guy

“I think jealousy is a human feeling that should be one of the seven deadliest. Furthermore I think jealousy stems from someone having the ability to cheat on their partner their selves. Or perhaps they do not have a fair amount of self esteem or confidence. Meaning if someone is doing something I do not like as in a behavior I probably have that behavior myself. I may be to a greater or lesser degree but it is there. So, it is my belief when someone is jealous they cannot be trusted themselves. I hold to the belief that the more mature a person gets and the more secure they are in themselves they will lose the penchant to exhibit jealous tendencies.” -Chefboy

It seems that Zooskers agree that jealousy is a negative force on relationships and has the power to destroy them completely. Our Zooskers also agree that jealousy stems from insecurity and lack of trust. Rather than controlling people with jealous behavior, we should all try to be more mindful of our own issues. Treat jealousy at its source. Look into your own mind and ask yourself where your insecurities come from. Recognize that your jealousy has more to do with your insecurities than it does with your partner’s behavior. The path to overcoming jealousy is inside you and no one else!

Photo credit: Nifty

By Juliet O

Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.

I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.

“My life would not be as happy without love, and I know I need some kind of romantic love and intimacy to feel content, but other than that, I suppose I search because someday, I hope to really find the puzzle piece that I have yet to grasp my fingers around!” -Carly

“I myself am fine being alone but it’s instinctual to want to connect. Humans by nature are communal. Most of us just want to connect with others. We want to share our lives with someone because it brings purpose for our being.” -Brian

“Looking for love is more about finding someone worth sharing all of these wonderful and beautiful things in life with at a level that friends just can’t. Not to mention there’s nothing like coming home to the open arms of someone special when you think you’ve had more than you can take.” -Shannon

“‘I’m looking because life is too short to waste away. It’s best shared with someone special who fills in the gaps. Someone to share the little things and big things with. Someone to laugh and joke around with… someone who will for no reason smile and out of the blue rock your world just because it feels good. Someone to be himself and you be yourself. What more can you ask for??? Love is special and should be shared with that someone.” -Angelina_Ace95

“I’m looking for love because I want that special connection. I want to be some gal’s man and for her to be my gal.” -Jason

“My reasons are to have someone to connect with, especially emotionally and mentally. I do not think you can find that in this world a lot, but it’s rare also. I definitely miss every little thing about being in a serious relationship, the hugs and kisses, the falling asleep together, being your natural self around someone totally different from you, it’s an amazing feeling. The main thing is I want to have someone that I can be myself completely, and we both can receive what we want from the other person equally and respectfully. I want to be in love, that real love.” -Reana

“My reasons? In some way I’m not entirely sure… I guess it’s for that feeling of warmth of having another person around. I guess love to me is what happiness is. To see the one you love’s smile once more, there is nothing more wonderful than that. I would do anything, to have that feeling again. That is my reason to be here. In the hope of finding someone who would smile everyday for me.” -fight_for_freedom_12

“Taking a drive to admire fall color, or Christmas lights, or what have you without someone is just really not worth the bother. Cuddling is simply impossible without someone to share it with, I’ve had nobody to give a foot rub to since she left and it’s driving me nuts. I also miss having somebody around whose back needs scratching. Not having an outlet for this stuff is much harder than I anticipated, nobody to send camera phone pics of flowers or blue sky, nobody to share the little details of our days. It’s enough to make a guy take up blogging even if nobody reads it just to get it out!” -rollerdave

“Loneliness would have to be the most heartbreaking experience one can go through. I believe that it is a very slow and painful death. The desire to share and connect with another is intense. Essentially the longing to share a meal, conversation, laugh, drink, cuddle…perhaps more is a drive that rages in the pit of out subconscious whether we like it or not.” -pip_squeak

“Looking for my other half gives me insight into people, them and myself. It lets me see the bright and dark side of so many people, the grey areas and how they all tie together and work. In an odd way, it helps me see how bad habits or bad intentions can be used for good things.” -S H

“I have always dreamed of making a family, being a father, being a husband, etc. It’s been one of my long term goals since I was sixteen years old. I was never one for ‘casual flings’. That sort of thing always seemed like a waste of time, energy and emotion to me.” -Jes

“I look for love because its just one of those beautiful things you can’t replicate. You can’t force it and you can’t do it alone.” -Lascial

Everyone searches for love for different reasons. Some of us don’t want to be alone. Some of us want someone to share our experiences with. Some of us like the security of having someone there who will stand by us no matter what. Regardless of our reasons, the drive or desire for love is something that is innate to the human experience and is as complicated as the emotion of love itself.

Photo credit: aussiegall

By Juliet Ohai

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word earnest as:  “a serious and intent mental state”. What does earnestness mean in connection to our personal relationships? We can view earnestness as our sincerity in relationships, our honest decision to really be ourselves. In a nutshell, our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities. It is our conscious decision never to lie about ourselves or present ourselves falsely to those we love.

Part of the process of being in love means that we must let go out our fears and struggles. Love means baring your soul to another person. How do we do this? Naturally, it’s not always easy. The process takes time, trust, and commitment.

Perhaps we don’t open ourselves up right away. In fact, in the beginning, before we really grow to know another person and before we can trust our judgments when it comes to that person, perhaps it’s not so wise to bare our souls without hesitation. But once we decide that we are going to commit, that the leap into a serious relationship is one that we want to take, then we must also take the leap of faith and relinquish any fear we might have of being completely vulnerable.

In fact, by choosing the path of dishonesty we cause irrecoverable harm to our relationships, particularly if the other person has instilled their trust in us. Dishonesty can be as simple as holding a part of yourself back from a partner  or keeping secrets from a partner while knowing that it will ultimately impact the relationship. Have you ever known the feeling of discovering a secret about someone you love, a secret that they had held back from you? Didn’t it feel like a betrayal?

Choose the path of honesty in relationships. In your quest to build a legacy with your partner and loved one, start off on the right path. The decision to be honest in all things we do will not only benefit our relationships with our loved ones, but is valuable tenet that benefits all our relationships in general, including our relationships to ourselves. Never forget the importance of being earnest.

photo credit: hamed masoumi

by Juliet O

While text messaging is generally seen as pretty unromantic, it can actually be a very useful dating tool. A self-identified text message addict, I believe that, when done right, text messages are actually useful in the beginning states of building a relationship. Think about it: texting allows you to have a constant stream of communication with an individual that you are seeing — not as an alternative, but rather an addition, to calling — an added-value to traditional phone conversation. Specifically, I love getting text messages from people just to say “good morning” or “good night”. A basic “How are you” or a “How is your day” text message is a nice, welcome interruption in the middle of a day. Sometimes, the simplest text messages can seem the most romantic. Something as seemingly mundane as an “I’m thinking about you” text message can be an incredibly sweet gesture, and when used correctly, a well-crafted text message can put butterflies in your sweetie’s stomach and stars in their eyes.

So what are some basic rules to follow by, when exchanging text messages with someone you meet on Zoosk? Here’s some textiquette guidelines, tailored from an online dating perspective.

We consider texting to be second base.

Don’t run to second base until you’ve passed first. What’s first base? First base is the initial phone call. Don’t let your first phone interaction with someone be based on texting. That’s just lazy. Texts are great in addition to calling, but not as a replacement for calling, and are NO substitute for hearing someone’s voice for the first time, or for having a real, substantial phone interaction.

Whoa, slow your thumbs quick draw, and wait patiently for a response.

One of the worst things you can do when texting is to send a string of messages in succession, before getting a response. “Hey what’s up?” “Hello?” “Where are you?” “What’s up? ” “You there?” UM, slow down crazy! She was just at the gym, and she gets back to the locker room, opens her phone to check her messages, and sees 15 messages from you in the span of an hour asking what she’s up to? Yeah. That’s what we call “textorrhea”. Plus stalking.

Don’t be a Textasaurus Rex — aggression isn’t appreciated!

Guys and gals, do not be super aggressive when texting, particularly if its sexual aggression. It’s not okay to send explicit texts UNLESS you’ve spoken clearly about this before with the person that you are seeing and have established the parameters. Your date is not a poor defenseless prey that you can pounce upon like some scary fanged predator armed with a phone.

Drunk + Texting = FAIL.

“HJey, arf youu awkae?” is not an appropriate text to send someone at 3AM after you’ve had a few too many vodka sodas. You can ruin a good thing by drunk texting, so the best option, if you turn into a crazy texting machine after you’ve input too much booze, is to simply give a trusted friend your phone and tell said friend to, at any cost, keep that phone out of your hands.

Wot RU up 2 UR HOT!! xoxo  –> Vomit.

You might have a personal dictionary, inside which language is subjected to the abuses of your imagination, but there really is a proper way to spell things, and abbreviated emoticons is NOT it. Texting is not that difficult. You aren’t asked to compose a dissertation on metaphysics. Use grammar. Please. And proper sentence structure. At least try to speak the Queen’s English.

:/ ^_^ = Use in moderation.

I like emoticons. But I start to question people when every single text they send me ends in a smiley face. C’mon. Emoticons are all good and well in moderation, but it can be really easy to go overboard with them, and coming across like a 12 year old is not an attractive quality in adults.

Texts are short. Please check your spelling. It’s not that hard.

The least you can do, in a text message that probably spans the course of 3 sentences, is check your spelling. It’s not like you’re being asked to proofread someone’s novel. If it takes 20 seconds to make sure you spelled the conjunction of “you are” as “you’re” and not “your” then I’d say it’s worth it.

If you’re going to booty call, at least have the consideration to CALL.

Booty calls are bad enough, but when you start booty texting “hi sexy, wanna come over?” you know you’ve REALLY reached a low point in your life. Just don’t do it. If you still refuse to listen to me, and absolutely cannot abstain from the loathsome habit of booty calling, at least have the decency to booty CALL, not booty TEXT. As gross as an actual 2AM call with the intent of hooking up is, a 2AM text is even worse.

Stalking via texting is a no no.

I don’t really need to get into this. Stalking is gross, and it is also illegal. Don’t stalk via text. “Where are you?” and “Why aren’t you responding?” sent 20 times in succession can lead to a restraining order.

DO wait in between texts.

Come on. Play hard to get, at least a little! Wait 20 or 30 minutes before firing off a response text message. You are busy and important. Now, repeat after me, “I am busy and important”.

DO give people plenty of time to respond.

Give people time to respond before shooting off a text piggybacking off your first text. Who knows? Maybe this person is somewhere they can’t get reception, or they’re at the gym, or they’re in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean for a day. In any case, you need to be patient and wait for them to respond. Why? Because adults have patience. And you are an adult.

DO send flirty texts.

Text flirting is great! But in text flirting, try to keep the subject PG, at least at first. If you’re into “sexting,” make sure you establish with your date that they are okay with dirty texts before you start sending them stuff that might send them running for the hills. Keep banter light, friendly, and strictly SFW (safe for work) at first. Feel around and get a sense of where your partner stands, before treading into kinkier waters.

DO send text pictures. Just DON’T expose your body parts in them.

Depending on your cellular plan, you might be able to send and receive text pictures. I love getting sent pictures via text. I often send my friends random photos — of food I’ve ordered at restaurants, funny signs, cute clothes in a window display, or whatever I happen to be passing by at the moment that might be of interest. These are great pictures to send via text, especially to someone you’re dating to instigate a heavy flirt session. However, do NOT send people pictures of your body parts. 1) You can’t trust people not to upload that stuff onto the internet, not in this day and age. And 2) even if the person doesn’t upload your nude photos online, they will certainly, at the very least, show all their friends. Unless you want your exposed nether region shown to a room full of laughing people, keep what’s in your pants, in your pants, and away from flashing cameras.

photo credit: magic_quote

By Juliet O

You Zooskers are a romantic bunch. We recently posed the question on our community pages, “What is your definition of love?” The responses we received were varied and astute — and simultaneously romantic and accurate.

Love, by its very nature, is almost impossible to define. Even geniuses like Albert Einstein admit their bafflement when it comes to explaining this emotional phenomenon. Love appears to resist our ability to rationalize it, as well as our attempts to tie it down to any unified definition. “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” asked Einstein. We don’t know either, Einstein. However, in finding love within our own lives and in choosing to participate in the act of loving, we attempt to explain love by our behaviors that characterize this emotion — one that exists within the mysterious shrouds of subjectivity. We all express and experience love differently, and it was interesting hearing your individual perceptions, lovely Zooskers, of this singular, exquisite emotion.

“Love is a choice. Once the chemistry and lust fades away we make a choice whether we’re in it for the long haul or not. It doesn’t sound romantic, but that is how I see it.” -Mz J

“If you can be romantic with someone for many years in a row, who you have seen at their absolute worst, and still wake up to their morning breath, and manage to overlook it… that is true love to me.” -Ms Independent

“It requires devotion, surrender of the self, and putting yourself in last place. If you are loved back you will find yourself in first place.” -MarathonMan

“I think it’s a whole bunch of stuff all rolled into a goofy feeling that you can’t write down. It’s that feeling you get inside from just the thought of that person. Everyone has their own thoughts on what love is, yet it probably all means the same thing.” -Alex

“Love comes at you in a form that is unexplainable but can be express easily as if you were just a child again. But over all, you know you have it when nothing that that person does (minor flaws and all) can change your mind about them… ever. It is something that everyone (making the sick, healthy. The old, young. The weak, strong. Vice Versa) can easily attain and yet so very elusive in our current world. That’s my definition of Love.” -Latin

“Lust is the excitement. Love is the lingering warmth.” -Rayneman

“The only love I have ever felt is the love for my sons. You want to protect them, support them, make sure they feel no pain that is within your control, provide for them, be there for them, let them know you mean the world to them and they mean the world to you. I guess in retrospect if you could apply that feeling to someone you want to make your life with, that would be my definition of love.” -Christopher

“For me, love is built off of trust.” -Brandon

“Your life is incomplete when the one you love is away. You would do anything to protect them or to make them happy. When I think of love, I think of a couple sitting by the ocean holding hands and kissing. The feeling of love is ‘that can’t eat cant sleep reach for the stars world series kinda stuff’. You will know the real meaning of love when you fall in love.” -Yollie

“Love is when your heart seems to want to exit from your chest when you think about the wonderful woman who gives again a meaning to your life.” -Syl

“For me it is when your main desire is to fulfill their expectations, to keep them warm when it is cold, to keep them safe from danger, to wipe away their tears when they are sad, you can tell them anything and everything, they are your best friend, your lover, your confidant, all in one amazing package that you would literally do anything for.” -Rick

“I don’t think we get to choose who we fall in love with. It just happens, and when its meant to happen it does. Love is when your head over heels and feel incomplete or lost when you are apart from your other half. Life as you know it changes forever.” -Shell

“To me, love is a unique combination of joy and misery. It grows with familiarity. The more you know, the more you want to know.” -Delli K

“I don’t think many people actually know or realize what true love is. For me love is doing things for another expecting nothing in return except the joy it brings.” -Irishandy

“It is the appreciation of gentle touches to the lower back while walking, and affectionately playing with your hair. Love is a balance of good and bad. The ability to communicate, forgive, trust, and grow together.” -Candie

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me, love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” -Classicrockfan

“Love is not just a feeling, it is an act. It’s the act of love that is more important than the feeling itself.” -Rianne

“Love is the universe.” -Walltowallchels

“Love is something that is deep-seeded inside when it’s found. Regardless of how a person may appear to react towards another person, even if it is not necessarily ‘nice’, they can love that person regardless of circumstance. Although I’m divorced, I will always love my ex-wife because my feelings were real when we married.” -Ruditchka

“For me, I would say when you’re in love with someone, they provide the missing piece in your life. Being with them is like standing on the top of the world, and being without them is like having teeth pulled. I believe that once you have taken that leap by falling in love with another person, there is no going back. It’s a journey. When people say they have “fallen out of love” with someone, I don’t believe their heart has taken a step backwards, I think it has taken a jump forwards, and possibly found that the other person has become more of a best friend than a lover. But once you have loved someone, they will occupy a place in your heart forever.” -Jenna

“Love is true belief of knowing you can unconditionally accept a person for who they are, were, and will be. No matter what they have done, is doing, or will do. But I do believe love is a period between two peoples’ lives that can expire or last their life time, depending on the changes one is going through with the new experiences life has to offer.” -PhonZ

For more great input from our Zooskers on love, relationships, and online dating, check out our Zoosk Community Forums.

photo credit: candida.performa