By Juliet O

You’ve put all that work in making a great Date Card, but you’re still not fully satisfied with the number of clicks you’re getting? You want to raise your page views, but don’t know what to do? It’s not you, don’t worry. But it’s not your Date Card, either. There are simple ways to get even more profile views and raise your chances of meeting the right person on Zoosk, by simply following some of our tips on promoting your online dating profile via social media tools.

Great online dating profiles shouldn’t just sit there waiting to be discovered. Take your online dating fate into your own ambitious, single-person hands! If you want love in this day and age, there is no shame on promoting yourself, within reason, to making finding it an easier process. There are definitely ways to raise your chances of having your profile fall across the path of the right person, on Zoosk and on the web. Here are our suggestions.

Post on Zoosk’s Community Pages

Our Community Pages are a great place to get valuable dating advice and voice your opinion on topics relevant to online dating. The pages are also a great place to have your profile seen by the dating community at large. By making yourself prominent on our boards and contributing great content to our community, you expose your profile in a positive way to the numerous Zooskers who visit them daily. Your comments on the boards are also added to your Zoosk status feed, which shows up on your Date Card and on the Zoosk front page that is seen by singles in your local area.

Fan Zoosk on Facebook and comment on our updates

Zoosk has a very active Facebook Fan community that is growing  by the day. Check out how many people comment or “like” each of our status updates! Join in on the discussion via our Facebook Fan page and meet other Zooskers via their virtual discussions. Invite your friends to join our Facebook community as well, and you might even get free coins from one of our Facebook fan contests! Keep an eye on our Fan Page in the future, to hear about Zoosk news, releases, dating advice and information, as well as future community contests and programs of interest to our beloved Zooskers.

Integrate Zoosk on Facebook

We are aware that not all people want to be public about their online dating lives. Our Facebook application allows you to adjust your privacy settings to hide all your Zoosk activity so that no one in your Facebook network has to know that you are involved in any manner with online dating. But for people who want to be a bit more public about Zoosk, you can install our Facebook application to your main FB page and let others know, via FB, that you are single and searching.

Tweet about online dating and follow us on Twitter

Another way to publicize your online dating profile is to use Twitter and “tweet” out about your involvement with Zoosk. Follow us on Twitter and tweet @Zoosk and we promise to send you a shout-out in return. Use #hashtags to talk about online dating like #zoosk or #onlinedating, write about your topics “@Zoosk,” and discover that Twitter is a great way to publicize your Zoosk Date Card to other  Zooskers on the site. You can also contact us on Twitter via a direct message or a Tweet if you have any questions or concerns about Zoosk. As we say, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you follow us, and we’ll follow you!”

Blog about online dating

Finally, blogging is a great way to let off some steam and write about your experiences. Who doesn’t have a personal blog these days? They can be so cathartic and therapeutic. There are so many online dating blogs and singles blogs that deal with issues like dating and romance, so why not join in on the dialogue and get your voice heard? The blogosphere is a great way to publicize your online dating profile, if you take the leap of faith and put yourself out there! Don’t worry, the web isn’t such a scary place. Embrace the future of love!

Photo credit: bobby-james

By Juliet O

You Zooskers are a romantic bunch. We recently posed the question on our community pages, “What is your definition of love?” The responses we received were varied and astute — and simultaneously romantic and accurate.

Love, by its very nature, is almost impossible to define. Even geniuses like Albert Einstein admit their bafflement when it comes to explaining this emotional phenomenon. Love appears to resist our ability to rationalize it, as well as our attempts to tie it down to any unified definition. “How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?” asked Einstein. We don’t know either, Einstein. However, in finding love within our own lives and in choosing to participate in the act of loving, we attempt to explain love by our behaviors that characterize this emotion — one that exists within the mysterious shrouds of subjectivity. We all express and experience love differently, and it was interesting hearing your individual perceptions, lovely Zooskers, of this singular, exquisite emotion.

“Love is a choice. Once the chemistry and lust fades away we make a choice whether we’re in it for the long haul or not. It doesn’t sound romantic, but that is how I see it.” -Mz J

“If you can be romantic with someone for many years in a row, who you have seen at their absolute worst, and still wake up to their morning breath, and manage to overlook it… that is true love to me.” -Ms Independent

“It requires devotion, surrender of the self, and putting yourself in last place. If you are loved back you will find yourself in first place.” -MarathonMan

“I think it’s a whole bunch of stuff all rolled into a goofy feeling that you can’t write down. It’s that feeling you get inside from just the thought of that person. Everyone has their own thoughts on what love is, yet it probably all means the same thing.” -Alex

“Love comes at you in a form that is unexplainable but can be express easily as if you were just a child again. But over all, you know you have it when nothing that that person does (minor flaws and all) can change your mind about them… ever. It is something that everyone (making the sick, healthy. The old, young. The weak, strong. Vice Versa) can easily attain and yet so very elusive in our current world. That’s my definition of Love.” -Latin

“Lust is the excitement. Love is the lingering warmth.” -Rayneman

“The only love I have ever felt is the love for my sons. You want to protect them, support them, make sure they feel no pain that is within your control, provide for them, be there for them, let them know you mean the world to them and they mean the world to you. I guess in retrospect if you could apply that feeling to someone you want to make your life with, that would be my definition of love.” -Christopher

“For me, love is built off of trust.” -Brandon

“Your life is incomplete when the one you love is away. You would do anything to protect them or to make them happy. When I think of love, I think of a couple sitting by the ocean holding hands and kissing. The feeling of love is ‘that can’t eat cant sleep reach for the stars world series kinda stuff’. You will know the real meaning of love when you fall in love.” -Yollie

“Love is when your heart seems to want to exit from your chest when you think about the wonderful woman who gives again a meaning to your life.” -Syl

“For me it is when your main desire is to fulfill their expectations, to keep them warm when it is cold, to keep them safe from danger, to wipe away their tears when they are sad, you can tell them anything and everything, they are your best friend, your lover, your confidant, all in one amazing package that you would literally do anything for.” -Rick

“I don’t think we get to choose who we fall in love with. It just happens, and when its meant to happen it does. Love is when your head over heels and feel incomplete or lost when you are apart from your other half. Life as you know it changes forever.” -Shell

“To me, love is a unique combination of joy and misery. It grows with familiarity. The more you know, the more you want to know.” -Delli K

“I don’t think many people actually know or realize what true love is. For me love is doing things for another expecting nothing in return except the joy it brings.” -Irishandy

“It is the appreciation of gentle touches to the lower back while walking, and affectionately playing with your hair. Love is a balance of good and bad. The ability to communicate, forgive, trust, and grow together.” -Candie

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me, love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” -Classicrockfan

“Love is not just a feeling, it is an act. It’s the act of love that is more important than the feeling itself.” -Rianne

“Love is the universe.” -Walltowallchels

“Love is something that is deep-seeded inside when it’s found. Regardless of how a person may appear to react towards another person, even if it is not necessarily ‘nice’, they can love that person regardless of circumstance. Although I’m divorced, I will always love my ex-wife because my feelings were real when we married.” -Ruditchka

“For me, I would say when you’re in love with someone, they provide the missing piece in your life. Being with them is like standing on the top of the world, and being without them is like having teeth pulled. I believe that once you have taken that leap by falling in love with another person, there is no going back. It’s a journey. When people say they have “fallen out of love” with someone, I don’t believe their heart has taken a step backwards, I think it has taken a jump forwards, and possibly found that the other person has become more of a best friend than a lover. But once you have loved someone, they will occupy a place in your heart forever.” -Jenna

“Love is true belief of knowing you can unconditionally accept a person for who they are, were, and will be. No matter what they have done, is doing, or will do. But I do believe love is a period between two peoples’ lives that can expire or last their life time, depending on the changes one is going through with the new experiences life has to offer.” -PhonZ

For more great input from our Zooskers on love, relationships, and online dating, check out our Zoosk Community Forums.

photo credit: candida.performa

By Juliet O

To find out more about what pisses you Zooskers off, we posted over at the new and improved community forums asking for your biggest dating pet peeves. The response we got was varied, insightful, and revealing. Here are the top 10 most frequently cited pet peeves, and advice on how to avoid them.

1. Texting

It seems, hands down, the pet peeve we noticed most frequently was regarding cell phone use during a date. People really, really don’t like it when you use a cell phone on a date. Says Zoosker Shannon, “I understand when an emergency comes up, but it’s so important to be present with each other especially when you’re learning about each other.” Zoosker Tommy agrees. “I can’t stand texting while on a date. It’s rude and a really bad impression for me when they text while I’m in the middle of saying something or if it’s while they are saying something and they abruptly stop, text, and then continue.” Texting can be an addictive thing, but if you want to make a good impression on a first date, keep your phone away from you greedy little fingers! Turn the phone to silent or vibrate, and put it deep in your pocket or handbag. Equally bad as texting is constantly checking your phone to see if you’ve received any messages. You can check your phone if you excuse yourself to use the restroom, but never in front of your date unless it’s an absolute emergency. As Zoosker DD states, “Put the phone down and try to enjoy yourself.”

2. Lateness

Lateness is annoying in any context, and when you’re on a date, being late is a sign of serious disrespect. Zoosker Devsfan30 remarks, “I would have to say my biggest pet peeve is when people are late for a date. Lateness absolutely drives me nuts.” Zoosker Alymomma concurs, “My worst pet peeve is when the guy is late and lets the girl wait for more than 30 minutes. I can forgive 15 minutes. But if you’re already late for 30 minutes or so, jeez, I’m leaving.” If you find yourself in an unexpected predicament and know you will be late, it is customary to call and inform the waiting party ahead of time. The best policy is just to not be late. You can avoid this by leaving early. Periodically late people: leave even earlier!

3. Discussing the ex

Zoosker Marty is particularly adamant. “I also hate it when a girl talks about her ex to me on a first date… I mean, come on! It’s not like us boys are all connected in some way. We don’t have a network that runs between us all. If you want to talk about someone else, at least make it someone we both know.” We couldn’t agree more. Talking about the ex makes your current date feel uncomfortable, unworthy, unwanted, and a host of adjectives that are all negative. Hearing you talk about your ex is also extremely boring for your date, because your date has no idea who this person is and why you should still be harping about it. You’ll also come across like you’re loaded with baggage which, trust us, is not a turn on in the slightest. As Hayboy writes, “By far my worst pet peeve for ANY date is comparing me to a past BF. Or talking about a past relationship the whole time. It’s in the past, learn from it, move on.”

4. Turning it physical

Writes Zoosker Ron, “I think my worse pet peeve is when the date tries to turn it sensual. I would rather wait for that until after I know who is with me.” MagicBandit chimes in, “My biggest peeve would have to be being expected to jump into bed with someone I just met. If you think about it, if they are prepared to have sex with you after just meeting you, would you really think you’re the only one? I want to get to know the person first.” Turning an innocent date into a game of footsie and handsie is a terrible idea if you actually like this person and want to get to know them better. Taking things too quickly is suicide for budding relationships, not to mention a turn off for relationship-minded folks. We’re not knocking on physical relationships, but we think that emotional attachments should come first.

5. Not paying attention

If you don’t pay attention to someone, it sends the signal that you aren’t interested. So maybe if you really aren’t interested, you should not pay attention to the person you are with. For those who are interested, however: pay attention.  “I definitely hate it when a date doesn’t even pay attention to you, or even SEEM interested at all,” says Brendan. Furthermore, contribute to the conversation! Says JB, “A pet peeve for me is lack of conversation. Without conversation, it makes getting to know the person difficult.” Reana says one of her biggest peeves is “not engaging into conversations to get to know each other”. Even if you have severe ADD, you should be able to use your mental capacities to focus on your date during the duration of the date, so do it!

6. Bad table manners

This one is a given. Being around a slob is bad but eating around them is even worse. A date that takes your appetite away is a date that will never happen again. Chew with your mouth closed, use your napkin not your hand, don’t eat with your fingers, and don’t pick at your teeth. Don’t eat things off your date’s plate without asking. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Breath so bad that it makes your hair stand up is not generally considered an attractive trait.

7. Getting drunk

“No, I think the worst thing pet peeve on a date is when you go to a nice restaurant with someone ’special’, and they get unbelievably drunk, take off all their clothes and start dancing around with spaghetti on their head,” writes Elliott. Um, yeah, that would peeve us too! Don’t drink so much you can’t operate properly on a date. As we wrote in our “What Not To Do On A First Date” blog entry last month: “Go ahead and drink. Just don’t drink so much that you think it’s a good idea to cry in public, fall down the stairs, steal your date’s iPhone, and start a bar fight.” To prepare yourself to not behave in this manner, limit your drinks. 1-2 is generally okay (depending on your tolerance) but 4+ drinks and you’re walking a fine line between friendly drunk and scary, crying, taking your clothes off and running in the street drunk.

8. Negativity

Zoosker Latin comments, “I understand you may had a bad day at work. Yet, if your gonna be in a bad mood on a date, then don’t go on the date. I rather wait and have you when your cheerful and in a good mood. Just remember it’s okay to reschedule. But, on that same note, don’t do it last minute or too often.” It’s never fun to be around a Negative Nancy, so try to stick with topics that are generally uplifting. Topics to avoid? Death, dying, anything morbid or macabre, war, nihilism, the impending apocalypse. Try to stick to fun topics, like hobbies, movies, music, how many brothers and sisters you have, you know? Save the stuff about conspiracy theories and alien abductions for later on in your relationship.

9. Not even pretending to reach for your wallet

A enormous pet peeve? “Not even attempting to suggest that you could go dutch or pay the bill. (Btw, I always pick up the tab on the first couple dates, but its the thought that counts),” Brandon comments. At least pretend like you’re going for your wallet and make some half-hearted and feeble protests! It’s the least you can do, ladies. Just because you are on a date with a man does not mean you are entitled to a free meal. We all love to be wined and dined, but we should at least pretend to reach for our wallets to send the signal that we don’t expect anything, and that when treated out, we appreciate the gesture.

10. Talking about marriage and kids

Unless you have kids, it’s inappropriate to talk about marriage and kids on the first date. “Please don’t ask me how many kids you want or ask me how many I would like on the first date, it’s just creepy,” Zoosker Nikki states. Talking about future goals directly related to whether or not the relationship will work out sets unreasonable expectations too soon — and that’s a huge turn off for anyone.

photo credit: wonderlane

By Juliet O

Zooskers often write in our Community Forums asking for advice on love. The Zoosk Community is incredibly supportive of each other, and when a Zoosker seeks love advice on the forums, other Zooskers weigh in and offer their assistance. It’s a nice feeling, knowing that there is a community of people willing to help you work through your love and relationship problems.

As more and more questions arise on our forums, we’ve discovered certain similarities among the questions we’ve seen. Questions often fall into distinct camps. And questions tend to be finite. We get a lot of the same questions over and over again. That should be reassuring news! This means that — for each person out there who has love or relationship problems — there are other people in the world with the same problems. You are not alone! And we want to help too. You don’t have to take our advice, or even listen to what we have to say, but we want you — yes, you! — out there to know that we really do care.

We want to participate in the conversation. So, each week we’ll be taking a question from the Zoosk Community Forums and giving our take on the situation. Unofficial advice from official Zoosk. Here’s this week’s question, posed by Zoosker Jay. This is taken from our Broken Heart, Now What forum.

I consider myself to be a nice person, my friends claim that I’m intelligent and funny, although I can be very cynical sometimes about my view of the world. I have no problems hanging out with guys. I can talk about sports, music, books, politics – you name it. I have no issues drinking a couple of beers and having some laughs.

Yet with girls, it’s somehow different, especially single girls. I’ve been investing time exercising and buying fashionable clothing, tried to learn things about girls… yet it’s very hard for me to approach them. I feel like this invisible shield that prevents me from being with them and feel really comfortable.

What we see here is the classic case of shyness. There isn’t anything wrong with Jay — he’s an attractive, intelligent, and interesting person. His problem lies around this very sentence: “it’s very hard for me to approach them”. Jay has no problem spending time with his male friends, but around women, he admits that he locks up. Many people have problems overcoming shyness or awkwardness around members of the opposite sex, but these problems can be overcome.

Shyness often stems from high degrees of self-consciousness in social settings. Self-consciousness can be extremely stifling — which explains the paralysis that shy feelings often induce. This is what you’ve called “an invisible shield”. There’s nothing weird about being shy, because we all experience timidness from time to time. It’s when shyness prevents you from living the life that you want to live, that it becomes a problem. And Jay’s shyness does prevent him from living that life. It’s difficult for him to approach women, and he feels highly uncomfortable when interacting with members of the opposite sex.

There are ways to deal with shyness but, like overcoming any obstacle, tackling shyness take practice and diligence. The first step is to understand that shyness is a problem. You must commit yourself to dealing with it, just as you would any other problem. Next, reflect on the things you enjoy about yourself: aspects of your personality that make you feel good as a person. Jay has already listed them for us: he is funny and intelligent, and he is a great conversationalist (when not around women) who can talk about sports, books, politics, music, and many other topics. Our advice for Jay is that he focus on his strengths, rather than his weaknesses, to help build the confidence he needs in order to approach women.

Another way to deal with shyness is to conquer your social anxiety. Jay needs to control those anxious feelings if he is to ever feel ‘normal’ in his interactions with potential dates. One method of dealing with anxiety is to physically (from a behavioral perspective) control anxiety’s effects (or ’symptoms’). It sounds cheesy, but focusing on your breath is really helpful. Don’t allow your nerves get the best of you. Take slow, calm breaths in tense situations. Breathing rhythmically tricks your body into believing that you aren’t anxious, and it really is possible to induce yourself to behave calmly.

It’s also important that you don’t flee from uncomfortable situations. When people say “face your fears,” they aren’t just repeating cliches for the heck of it. There really is truth to this saying. How are you ever going to grow as a person, if you let your fears get the best of you? Jay is probably better at talking to guys, because he’s had more practice doing so. He hangs out with his guy friends way more than he hangs out with single members of the opposite sex. He doesn’t have the same level of ‘behavioral practice’ around single women as he does with his platonic friends.

Our advice to Jay is to put himself in situations where he is forced to deal with women.

People learn things quickly. We adapt to new situations around us with ease that often times takes us by surprise. By putting himself around women, even if he flounders at first, Jay will realize over time when things work and when things well… fail. And there is no shame in failure, as long as you pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. Everyone faces failure in the game of love. Sometimes we hit the jackpot, and sometimes we have spectacular losses. But we survive and grow as people, which is why despite how bruised we get along the way, we keep on fighting, round after round. Hope this helps you in your search, Jay.

photo credit: lepiaf.geo

By Juliet O

When you’re out on the town, the ‘art of seduction’ seems relatively straightforward. Basic grooming, eye contact, and physical (even if imaginary) confidence go a long way when trying to catch the eye of that special someone. You’re at a bar, you see someone you like, and after a few drinks you gather up enough courage to strike up a conversation.

It’s pretty simple, really.

When you’re trying to attract someone online, however, the whole equation shifts. You don’t have to dress up or take a shower. You can be on Zoosk while slouched in front of the television, unshowered, wearing a bathrobe with your laptop balanced on a family-size bowl of Doritos, and you might be just as irresistible in this context — alone, at home, stuffing your face in front of the computer — as you are while dressed to the nines in swanky club. In a lot of ways, online dating presents far less pressure than dating IRL (‘in real life’). You don’t have to buy new clothes, you don’t have to put effort into looking good for someone else, and you don’t have to worry about what anyone is going to think. On Zoosk, you can relax and just be yourself.

But even for the experienced, online dating is far from being a walk in the park. Online dating presents its own unique challenges. Like, how are you going to get someone to notice you, when you’re on Zoosk, without relying on the same tricks that you’d use to get people to notice you in real life? On Zoosk, there are many ways to get noticed, and they’re as easy and simple as lifting your finger off the keyboard and hitting a few keys. To increase your date card views and get noticed by the hotties you’re trying to attract, follow these simple tips.

Turn your flabby, out-of-shape date card into a lean, mean, babe-attracting machine.

Trust me, people do notice your date card. Is it properly filled out? Is it specific? Do you have enough relevant information on your card? Are you representing yourself honestly? Did you remember to fill out your interests, including your favorite music and movies? We wrote a blog post a while back which gave some useful advice on how to trick out your date card for all the online hunnies out there. Did you read it? We also gave some advice on creating a date card that doesn’t suck. We are not just chatting for our own sake. There is useful information in these posts. We swear.

Make sweet sweet love to the camera.

You need photos. We’ve already put blood sweat and tears into reminding you to upload real, current, accurate photos of yourself onto Zoosk. Many of you listened, but some of you still don’t have photos on your profile. How are you going to attract anyone with the gray, faceless Zoosk avatar? Unless they have a serious thing for faceless avatars, there is no way anyone is going to contact you for a date without a photo.

“Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things!”

You should favorite your favorites. When you favorite another Zoosker, not only have you put a bookmark on their profile (so that you can revisit it with ease, later on), you have also alerted them that they have been favorited. When they go to their “Who Favorited You” page (the tab on your Zoosk page that features the double heart icon), your profile pops up. Getting noticed is that easy.

Use the “like” function.

When you “like” items on a Zoosker’s status page, you successfully put yourself in their line of sight. Depending on whether they have set up Zoosk Mobile, they might even receive a text message notification of this — Zoosk provides you with real time, on the spot flirting even when you are offline. Liking is a great way of making yourself visible online, especially for those shy ones who don’t like to make the first move via directly messaging another Zoosker. Not only is liking a form of positive energy and good karma, the more you like someone, the more they will like you back. So pay it forward!

View as many profiles as you can.

Now that Zoosk gives you the ability to unlock your “Who Viewed Me” page, all members, whether basic or premium, have the ability to see the profiles of other people who have viewed their date cards. When you use Zoosk, your profile becomes visible to those Zooskers whose profiles you have visited. Think of viewing others’ date cards like sowing seeds. The more you sow, the more you reap.

Be an active part of the community.
Yo, Zoosker! Holler on the Community Boards! Being active on our community forums is one of the best ways to get noticed on Zoosk. Zoosk has a wonderful, vocal, incredibly participatory community of daters all over the world. While we engineered the dating site and we run all the engineering behind the software, we didn’t engineer our community at all. You guys happened organically. You recognized a solid product, you wanted to meet potential matches online, and you trusted us to give you the hook up that you needed. Somewhere in that process, you came together on the Zoosk community forums and created a close-knit, accepting, open-minded online family. And it’s no coincidence that we notice, with increasing frequency, the number of matches that are made right on the community pages themselves. If you don’t believe me, check it out for yourself!

Wink wink.

If you are interested in a fellow Zoosker, but are not at the point where you want to send them a direct message, why not do the easy thing and click the wink button? They’ll be notified on email, and via SMS if they’ve subscribed to Zoosk Mobile. Winking is kind of hard to do smoothly in real life (sometimes, you try to wink and it gets confused for an odd facial tic) but luckily, it’s much easier to accomplish online.

Be Zoosk’s fan on Facebook.

Zoosk has a super active Facebook community. Have you seen it? Every day, we post updates on our Facebook Fan Page and our Facebook community is awesome about responding and engaging with our posts. Fan us on Facebook, and get noticed by our Facebook fan community.

Carpe diem. Put yourself out there.

For the shy, indirect methods of flirtation are always an option. But for the more adventurous, the best way to get someone’s attention on Zoosk is to pen them a message. We’ve published 5 tips on how to write the first message on Zoosk. Read it, live it, learn it! (Hint: gifting is encouraged).

photo credit: okko pyykko

By Juliet O

“Hello Jane!”

“Hi?”

“This is John. From Zoosk! How are you, Jane?”

“Hi! I’m good.”

“So I’m calling you cuz I thought your boobs looked really great in your photos.”

“What?!”

“I mean, I’m calling because I thought we hit it off and–”

Click.

Err… real smooth, John. Now Jane thinks you’re a total creepazoid. Right after she hung up the phone, she went to see if your name was on the national sex offender registry. It goes without saying that this is the type of phone conversation an online dater should do his very very best to avoid. But you already knew that.

While phone conversations seem unimportant, trivial at best, in reality they’re quite the opposite. For online daters, the first phone conversation is just as important as the first date. Why? Because, in the universe of online dating, the first phone convo is the first date. Particularly if you and your potential Zoosk match live at great distance from one another — in which case, phone conversations become a vital aspect of your whole relationship — chatting on the phone is a great way to mentally gauge whether you feel a connection with a person whom you have never met in real life. The phone is also a good ‘in between’ step to take after sparking some initial chemistry online, before making the decision to meet IRL (‘in real life’ for you online dating n00bs).

So you sent a few winks, then you started sending a few messages, and by the end of the week, message volume is at a frenzy and you’re already looking up one-bedrooms on Craigslist? Um, Quicky McDraw, before you rent that U-Haul, you need to pick up your phone. A diamond of wisdom for daters = take it slow.

The first phone conversation you have with a potential match is not just a social formality. The point of the phone conversation is to gauge the likelihood of a future real-life connection, right? We who date online do so with the hope that our online activity will lead to fruition, one day, with a tangible real life romance. The phone conversation should be a part of your personal dateability test (sometimes negatively referred to as your ‘freak location radar’) to judge if a real life romance is at all within the realm of possibility. Talking on the phone with potential dates is a smart use of your time. And your time is precious and ought to be used effectively.

Here are some tips on how to successfully use your phone conversation to determine if a real-life connection does in fact exist — and some tips on how to use the telephone as a way to attract potential matches, once you decide that the IRL step is one you wish to take.

5. The same rules that go for first dates also go for first phone conversations.

Treat this first phone conversation as a first date. Get exited for it! Take a shower beforehand and put your “I’m sexy” jeans (or your “I’m too sexy for my jeans” jeans) and your “I am so getting laid tonight” shoes. We even think it’s okay to drink during the conversation so long as the person on the other end of the line is drinking too. If they are not drinking, you should probably not drink either, unless you are really good at hiding all evidence so as to not come across as an alcoholic mess who can’t even have a simple phone conversation without reaching for the Wild Turkey. The point is, treat this like a real date and take it seriously. Expect that the person on the line will have the courtesy to extend the same treatment to you. And remember: no phone sex on the first date! You are not that kind of caller.

4. Stay calm.

The only really ‘physical’ thing this person on the phone has to go by, in your case, is your voice. And if you get all crazy nervous and your voice starts to tremble, you will come off as a scary, paranoid psychopath — and we guarantee this will make the other person uncomfortable. Trembling voices is a huge giveaway that you are nervous, and nervousness shows a lack of confidence, and a lack of confidence is super unsexy! Staying calm will also give you a clear head to navigate a conversation smoothly and naturally. Your oratorical skills are the first thing to go when you get nervous, and your explosively sexy skills at light banter will go down the toilet if you let your nerves get the best of you. So, simmer down now. Slow and steady wins the race.

3. Take some imaginary conversation Viagra so that you can last longer.

Think of your first phone conversation with your potential match as a bottle of expensive wine that someone just happened to give you, for free. In this case, would you shotgun that shit like a six-pack of Keystone Light during a game of flip cup? Hell to the no! You would savor it slowly, treating every sip like it were ambrosia from the gods! You have the chance to talk on the phone with a person who might end up being the love of your life. You have never met. Don’t you want to savor this moment of poetic blindness and prolong the sweet lingering feeling of blossoming love for as long as you can sustain it? Duh. Don’t jump into an IRL meeting after a 5 minute conversation. If you can’t even last 5 minutes on the phone with someone, how will you sustain a lifetime with them, through thickness and thin, IRL?

2. It’s okay to get personal.

Conventional wisdom says, don’t get personal on a first phone conversation. Conventional wisdom is wrong. We actually believe that talking on the phone is the easiest way to get personal, because you aren’t actually face-to-face with the individual in question, so you have enough physical distance to bridge an emotional distance. So many intimate, vulnerable conversations happen on the phone due to this simple fact. Just think about how much easier it is to ask someone out over the phone, as opposed to in real life! And we also believe that, because you are meeting this person on the internet where you can’t see them in person and have less ‘tools’ at your disposal to judge what kind of person they might be, it’s perfectly okay to compensate by asking questions of a more personal nature. Like, does this person smoke? Does this person have children? Roughly, what is this person’s financial situation like? Ask the questions that you need answered right away so that you don’t have to deal with them down the road, when you have more invested and there’s more at stake.

1. Flirt like it’s your job.

The first rule of a phone conversation is to flirt, flirt, flirt your little butt off. You are ultimately on Zoosk to get dates! And, in general, dates respond well to shameless flirting. Try your hand at charming banter, light teasing, and complements so smooth it’s like you put Astroglide on your phone. If you have questions on how to flirt, get a second opinion. Ask the Zoosk Community. Check out our many community boards, like ask a girl, ask a guy, and best/worst pick-up lines forums, among many more. If you want to learn some varsity level flirting skills, the Zoosk community is the place you want to go. Holla!

photo credit: leorelei

By Juliet O

A picture says a thousand words.  Some of the most earnest questions — and some of the biggest complaints — that we get on the Community Forums are about  Zoosk profile pictures. Let’s face the facts. Pictures are an integral aspect of online dating. It should be no surprise that your fellow Zooskers want to know what you look like before they decide to date you. People do respond to things visually, and we’ve found that Zooskers who’ve uploaded photos to their date cards are many times more likely to be approached by prospective matches on Zoosk.

Taking our findings to the next logical step we can conclude with a high degree of certainty that if y = mx + b, then date card + photos = good.

Photos put a face to a name. Photos enliven your date card. They can even give you more personality. They give others the ability to judge their level of attraction to you. Photos make you more interesting. They also make you appear more trustworthy. Photos hold you accountable to who you say you are. You’ve registered for Zoosk, taken the leap, and are actively seizing control of your love life. Uploading a few photos is small potatoes when you’ve already come so far. And, when you upload pics, it shows up on your Activity Feed and alerts other Zooskers — on Zoosk as well as Zoosk Desktop. Zooskers can also “like” your Zoosk photos on your Feed, which gives you a whole new way to put yourself out and attract some potential flirting.

To help you maximize your date card and get you some bona fide dates, we’ve come up with the following tips to help you choose your Zoosk date card pictures and to tailor them to best suit your individual personality.

6. One is not the loneliest number.

Says Zoosker Angel Eyes, “I get annoyed with group pix when they don’t say which person they are in the group.” If you put a group picture up, indicate which person you are in the group. And it goes without saying that the primary profile picture on your date card should be you alone, solo, seulement.  SirCarls agrees, “As we go through profiles, it is just helpful to be able to see the person who belongs to the profile. I believe other pictures (we have 6 total) can be of anything, but it is just my opinion that the primary should be the profile owner. That way there is very little confusion.” In your online dating photos, being alone in your photo can ensure that you won’t be alone in life. Sounds like a good trade-off to me!

5. Be single, not ambiguously single.

Zoosker Loe warns the boys, “Please don’t show us no cropped photo of you hugging a girl with a strand of her hair in the bottom left corner. Why do you show your best ‘girl friend’ on your profile and wonder why no one is responding?” Lysa concurs, “Please stay away from the ones that look like the ex-girlfriend was cut out of the photo.” The same goes for you, single ladies. Gabe cautions, “No pics with your ex, or their arm around you in the pic. Come on, just take a new pic!”  Zoosk allows you to crop your photos on our site, so why not do a better job cropping? Or, why not avoid ambiguous pics altogether? People want to date you. Not you, plus someone else’ spare body parts. Because, ew, that would be weird.

4. Mix it up.

Variety is the spice of life. On Zoosk, you can upload 6 photos, so make them all different! Zoosker Jim writes, “People should have a variety of pics in their profile… the max if possible, also showing themselves in different situations.” Put up funny pics, sassy pics, serious pics. Put up those travel pics, party pics, family reunion pics. Having many different photos gives people the chance to see the multiple sides of you, so you should upload pictures of you that reflect your multifacted personality. Not only will this make you more attractive and interesting, but it does you justice to show off  a bit. Do you have a talent? Take a picture of it, and put it on your profile. Zoosker Loe wants to see “if you have talents such as playing the guitar, swinging fire pois or surfing in action. We want to be impressed!”

3. Ancient history should be left on the History Channel.

Don’t air your ancient history on Zoosk! Gabe writes, “Ok, this has probably been mentioned, but please do not post pictures of yourself that are 5, 10, or even 20 years old!!! I have seen some where the person is 44, yet in the grainy picture they chose to post they look maybe 30.”  While I wish someone would invent a time machine so we can all go back in time and play with the dinosaurs, the truth is that such a machine does not yet exist. Unfortunately, your potential match cannot go back to when Clinton was in office and date you as you were back in 1993 (though I am sure you really rocked the flannel and the Doc Martens at Lallapalooza) so you should probably put a picture up of you as you exist in the late 00’s.

2. Don’t be creepy.

Smile in your photo. Don’t snarl. Others tend to find that a bit, shall we say, disturbing. And some things are just categorically creepy, like weird facial hair,  gun collections, and pictures of your past flesh wounds. I think it’s awesome that you’re an amateur taxidermist, an amateur private eye, and an amateur wrestler, but maybe a potential date might not ‘get’ the charm right away? I know that we all have a creepy side (heck, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m totally creepy), but you should reveal those things about yourself slowly, over time. Don’t drop the bomb just yet! Otherwise how will they get that you’re lovably creepy as opposed to escaped convict creepy?

1. Love thyself!

At the end of the day, the most important thing to remember is that, ultimately, your photos are decided by you and no one else. Upload pics that you actually like! Hey, if you actually like that photo of yourself eating a bucket of KFC while you’re cuddling up next to your pet python and watching the Ultimate Fighting Championship, and you’re not worried that it might scare some potential suitors away, then by all means upload it. Put up pictures that you like and that highlight aspects of your personality that you are proud of — if you love yourself, then you’re opening yourself to be loved by someone else.

PS: Zoosk photo uploading just got a bit more sexy. Did you notice the “edit” button? Now, on Zoosk, you can rotate and crop photos to make them all nice and pretty for your Zoosk profile. You’re welcome

photo credit: david guimaraes

You’re invited to Zoosk’s new Community Forum!

Have you ever wondered what the opposite sex really wants? Which date cards are really getting all the flirts and winks? Do you have a great story to share?  It’s possible that you’ve been to Hades and back on the worst nightmare of a date. Or you may have us swooning with the story of that perfect date when you showed him or her the time of their life! Meet more Zooskers on the new Zoosk Community forum.

You can gain more visibility with direct links to your date card simply by joining in on the conversation! Let’s say you see a beautiful woman with something intelligent to say, or that guy’s sense of humor has you doing a double take at his pic. Click on their picture in the forum and go straight to their date card. Send them a flirt! You’ll have the opportunity to read or offer  advice, talk about issues that are important to you, chat with people from different regions of the world, laugh with each other, and just get to know other members better.

The Zoosk development team has been listening to what you want. We are excited to see the relationships that are budding from your winks and flirts, but we think the buck doesn’t have to stop there! The enthusiasm of each Zoosker is a powerful driving force and we are happy to open even more doors for you to find the person for whom you’ve been searching.

We are looking forward to meeting you on the Zoosk Community Forum!