Today we’d like to share an adorable success story from the Garden State! Congrats Anne and Paul. Anne made the first move on Paul, and after that, well, you can read the evidence right here. It’s a heartwarming story.

My name is Annie; I’m from New Jersey. My Zoosk screen name is redvixen. I am writing to let you know that I met my someone special on your site. His name is Paul; his screen name is fungemini. I want to share our romantic story.

I was going through a divorce from a cheating husband; we’d been separated for over a year. I had tried online dating off and on when Zoosk popped up when I was on Facebook one night. On a whim, I joined. Very shortly I began getting winks, and sending some, too. I came across fungemini, liked his profile, and “Favorited” him.

A week or so later, he winked at me. We began emailing one another in November 2009; we met in person in December, early in the month. I was not looking for a serious relationship as I was still leery from my split. On the other hand, Paul was looking for a relationship — but he was willing to start as friends and see where it went.

Well, it didn’t take long before I discovered that I didn’t want to date anyone else. And Paul still felt the same. January 2nd, the day after New Year’s, we decided to become exclusive. And here we are! I feel so lucky. Paul is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. We have so much in common! I really enjoy spending time with him, whether we’re doing something or just hanging out together.

I still think I’m dreaming!

Thanks again, Zoosk!

-Anne from New Jersey

Congrats Anne and Paul! If you have your own Zoosk success story to share, send it to us with a photo of you and your loved one to success [at] zoosk [dot] com and if we showcase your story we’ll send you an online gift card as a token of our congratulations. Happy Zoosking!

By Juliet O

No one likes to be around a negative person. This principle applies equally in the real world as in the world of online dating. Any hint of negativity on your Zoosk dating profile can really kill the mood with a prospective match. On your online dating profile, negativity (and its kin: sarcasm, pessimism, abrasiveness, misanthropy, and rancor) should be used cautiously and sparingly, or better yet not at all.

Why do we develop negative patterns of thinking? Many psychology experts believes that we become negative because negative thinking is easy — and it can easily become a habit. Bad thoughts perpetuate themselves. It’s the easy way out (and a total cop out) to be negative about our lives, because the alternative — positive thinking — requires a lot more effort. We have to choose to be happy and positive, and that choice has to be maintained over the course of our lives. Positive thinking takes constant work. In many ways, positive thinking is a choice. And positive thinking is absolutely essential for a relationship to succeed.

Hmm… takes constant effort, is a choice, requires reinforcement and reevaluation over time, and doesn’t come easy? Doesn’t it sound like positive thinking here can sort-of correlate to being in a relationship? Take out “positive thinking” and insert “a relationship” in the above sentences, and you see where I’m getting at. If you show signs of negativity on your profile, it indicates that you’re taking the easy, cynical way out — and if you’re that kind of person, how can you be the sort of person who can really put in the work necessary into being in a relationship, or even open yourself up to being in a relationship in the first place?

Being pessimistic about life can and does translate into being pessimistic about relationships with other people. Negative individuals close themselves off to others and constantly worry that they are going to be let down by the people around them. You can’t maintain that kind of thinking if you want to a relationship to succeed, because dating and relationships take hope, faith, and a belief that in the end, everything will work out. “Happily ever after” doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it and believe in it. And if you show signs of negativity on your profile, you are sending the message that you aren’t the kind of person who is capable of doing that.

So how do you change a negative framework into a positive one? Here are some simple tips that can lead you in the right direction.

• Think positively. Negative thinking becomes habit over time, and just like quitting any other bad habit, you have to be highly conscious of your bad habit and reroute your behavior and thinking patterns. When you find yourself lapsing, take a deep breath and be present in the moment. Be aware. If you start feeling like you’re going to have unjustified negative thoughts, catch yourself before they get the best of you and think about something positive instead — even if it’s entirely unrelated. After enough emotional distance has passed, perhaps you can re-evaluate the situation more clearly.
• Have faith in yourself and other people. If you think that you’re going to fail, either start thinking about success or tell yourself that failure in one thing does not signify failure in all things. Take life in stride. If you find yourself thinking about the faults of other people, think about their strengths instead. Always look at the good in others.
• Write down all the negative words you can think of. Now change them to positive words. “Can’t” becomes “can,” and “failure” becomes “success” and “loss” becomes “gain”. Etc.  This is a good mental exercise.
• Stop complaining, cold turkey. Probably the best thing negative people can do for themselves is to stop complaining for a day. If you find yourself trapped in negative patterns of thinking, try this exercise: for one who day, don’t let yourself complain. Out loud or in your head, complaining is off limits.
• Decide that you aren’t going to let your negative thinking get the best of you. Make an executive decision to change your life.

If you decide to alter your negative thinking into positive thinking, make sure you take a good look at your Zoosk Date Card and make sure that it coheres to that positivity. Make sure that, in your date card, you avoid the following patterns of negative thinking.

• Self-deprecation. In your date card, don’t talk about the ways you hate yourself or your low self-esteem. Take out anything that comes off as self-loathing.
• Sarcasm. A little sarcasm in person is fine, but it doesn’t translate well over the net. You can’t hear vocal inflections, you can see facial gestures, so sarcasm often comes off as rudeness. Take it out.
• Pessimism. Get it out of your date card.
• Anything that indicates a cynical worldview.
• Any and all complaints. Your date card is not a forum for your rants or complaints. Don’t use it as one.

Now that your date card has lost its negative elements, infuse it with signs of positivity. Here are some ideas:

• Talk about things you love and that make you happy.
• Discuss your goals for the future.
• Write about your relationship hopes.
• Let your sense of humor shine.
• Get your friends to write great testimonials for you.

Good luck. Like relationships, positivity isn’t easy, but if you’re up for the challenge, the rewards of happiness make everything worth it.

For more reading on getting dates on Zoosk, check out these articles.

Simple tips on how to get more attention on Zoosk
How to trick out your Zoosk date card
How to use Zoosk to get over a broken heart
Zoosk advice on how to overcome shyness

Photo credit: aussigall

By Juliet O

All daters have fears. By dating, we make ourselves vulnerable to being hurt in many ways that are precluded by choosing to remain single. As daters, we tend to hold onto our fears, much to our own detriment. Fears hold us back and hinder us from opening ourselves up to love and fulfillment. Part of the battle of dating is in eliminating your fears — of intimacy, of vulnerability, of emotional honesty, of betrayal, of rejection, of ourselves — so that you can open yourself to the possibility of love. It’s not always easy.

Online dating presents a unique set of fears and challenges. While it may seem difficult, these fears need to be overcome if you want to date online successfully. We want to guide you through these online dating fears and give you tips on how to overcome them, because we want online dating to be a great experience for you. And why shouldn’t it be a positive experience? By online dating, you have an automatic dating pool of singles all using Zoosk for the same purpose: to hopefully find romance and connection. But how can you find romance or connection if you’re still holding onto all that fear and baggage? If you still hold onto fears or reservations regarding online dating, read this post for helpful tips on overcoming your trepidation, in order to engage with the online medium openly and fortuitously.

Fear 1: Fear of the telephone.

It’s not always easy jumping into uncharted waters and talking on the telephone. For some, the telephone is viewed with a disproportionate amount of anxiety. Most of the anxiety stems from a fear of not having anything to talk about (which can be awkward indeed). But the phone isn’t as scary as it looks or seems. In August, we published a tutorial on how to be a smooth operator on the phone. We discussed some of the basic rules of phone conversation, and we even offered some wisdom on why the phone is an important first step in online dating. Another part of the fear re: phone calls is an absence of things to discuss, of awkward pauses and momentary glitches in the flow of conversation. Fear not: here are some conversation ideas. There is no shame in writing down topics in advance to make phone conversation smoother. Honestly. The only shame is in being so scared of the phone that you don’t even make it past the online stage to a real life meeting.

Fear 2: Fear of getting close.

We all have a fear of getting close to people, but we must overcome that fear if we want to find love. As we wrote previously, “our earnestness reflects our ability to open ourselves up in relationships and put ourselves out there — even if it means revealing our vulnerabilities.” A good way of overcoming this fear is to simply look at the alternative. Being hurt is painful, but there is also pain in prolonged solitude. What’s worse? The pain of heartbreak, which dulls over time, or the pain of solitude, which only grows as time goes on? In the end, love is worth the struggle, so swallow your fears and take the leap. Even if you fall, you’ll get back on your feet.

Fear 3: Fear of other people.

Other people can be really, really scary. The scariest aspect of other people is not knowing if your idea of who they are coheres with the actual truth of who they are. You might think someone likes you, for instance, but how do you know they actually do? We fear other people most when we have an unstable view of ourselves. We fear people because we fear that they have the ability to affect us, that their being in our lives somehow affects how we view our lives. What we must realize is that no matter what happens to us, we are still fundamentally who we are. No one can remove or take that.

Fear 4: Fear of failure.

We all fear failure, not just in our relationships, but in everything. But things that are high risk are sometimes associated with the highest rewards. Love is one of those things. By letting your fear of failure hold you back, you are also denying yourself the rewards of love. That doesn’t sound like a great trade-off. Unfortunately, people do fail in love — it’s a fact of dating. But people also succeed and win big all the time. Look at how many weddings are held each day, or how many people connect with one another each day to establish rewarding, substantial relationships. It’s a total game of chance, and sometimes, playing it safe has the biggest risk of all: the risk that, in the end, you’ll miss out on love completely.

Fear 5: Fear of real life.

Real life is definitely a scary place. When you’re dating online, you are shielded from the distractions and pressures of dating in real life. The thing is, all online relationships go to the real life stage at some point, if they are to be considered successful. And if you’re so scared of real life that you don’t ever take your romance out of the virtual realm, then you miss out on the possibility of growing your online relationship into something real and lasting. How do you overcome this fear of ‘IRL’ (in real life)? Get to know someone that you meet pretty well online first, taking it slow, before heading out to meet them in real life. That way, if you feel like you already know them, you can be confident that this person won’t surprise you in a negative way. One of the first rules of online dating is to take things slow, after all. Make yourself comfortable first, before heading to real life — no shame in overcoming fear slowly.

We hope these tips have been helpful. If you like these and other Zoosk online dating tips, remember to vote for Zoosk in Mashable’s 2009 OpenWeb Awards as best overall Facebook App! We love our fans and we’d love to see you love us back. Afterall, we’re both in the business of love!