Besides having all met their significant others on Zoosk, the couples you see above all have one other thing in common. In each of these success stories, the ladies made the first move on their man! Guest blogger Carrie Seim tells the ladies why it’s high time for them to go on the offense when it comes to the game of love.

The old “rules” said ladies had to wait around for their gentlemen callers. The new rules say – how boring is that?

Steal a page from Zoosker Annie’s playbook. The Jersey girl took a shining to Zoosker Paul’s profile. Instead of twiddling her thumbs, waiting for an engraved invitation to love, Annie “favorited” his profile. Paul winked back. And as of January 2, the two are officially an item!

Instead of playing hard to get and letting guys deal the cards, Annie bravely reshuffled the deck. Her Zoosk success story proves that women should stop waiting and start dating!

After all, making the first move looks good on you!

Go ahead, send him a wink

If a lucky guy catches your eye on Zoosk, don’t be afraid to favorite him, send him a wink or toss him a flirt. These low-risk moves can bring big success to your love life. Nothing winked, nothing gained, right?

You’d be surprised at how much men crave compliments, and how seldom they receive them. There’s nothing more flattering than a flirt from a sultry stranger. (That’s you.) So send him a friendly wink. Or give him kudos for the spectacles he’s sporting in his profile pic. Or answer one of his Date Card icebreakers with a compliment on his curiosity.

You don’t have to propose marriage – just give a hint that you’re into him. Then watch how fast he comes running! Nervous that men only want a chase? Not so fast…

Men dig ladies who make a move

“The one thing that always makes me feel like a rock star is when a girl approaches me first,” says 30-year-old Dan from Los Angeles. “It’s that simple.”

Men across the country have told me how attracted they are to women who go for what they want – especially when what they want is them.

Bring it

If there’s one thing guys aren’t short on, it’s overconfident delusion. This can be annoying at times (“I’m the best Rock Band player to walk the earth,”) but it’s a valuable commodity in the flirting field.

So try their tricks. Think about how fascinating, funny and fox you are before you approach a lucky guy. And remember how thrilled he’s going to be to hear from you.

Because really, what are you risking? If for some insane reason the dude doesn’t wink back, well, there are 50 million singles on Zoosk, so there are million more guys to choose from!

No more waiting around for Prince Charming, ladies. Time to find your own glass slipper!

Guest Blogger Bio

Carrie Seim is an alum of the Groundlings Comedy Theatre, where she performs, teaches and habitually abuses her position of authority. Her comedic essay “Outsourcing Love” was recently optioned  for a feature film. Carrie regularly contributes humorous essays and videos to the New York Post and fierce dating exposés to the Tyra Banks Show and BettyConfidential.com. She had a recurring role on E!’s Seven Deadly Hollywood Sins. Carrie’s last name means “farm by the sea” in Norway. In America it means “kitten with a whip.”

By Kate B

Misery Loves Company? Pah! March is National Optimism Month; so let’s do a little “self belief” spring cleaning.

Research has repeatedly shown the power of positive self-talk, but Psychology 101 aside, there is a lot of sense in it, how can we expect others to love us if we don’t love ourselves? And this will help your dating self? When you’re single and want to be in a relationship, you may be focusing a lot on what you don’t have: that you don’t have someone to go splitsies on Chinese food with, that you don’t have someone to lift the couch so you can vacuum under it. But let’s not focus on the empty glass.

Instead, look at how full your life is. Look at what you do have: Your health, family members who love you, kind friends, a love for a certain type of music that makes you smile every time you hear it. If you look at all the ways you have it going on, at how full your life is, you’ll feel better about yourself and more confident and ready to offer that wonderful version of you to a relationship. Maybe to get you started our “positive” dating tips from late last year are worth another read… having a positive outlook WILL get you more dates.

What’s your best trick for staying optimistic? What made you realize that perhaps a change was in order? Share your thoughts on optimism in love on our community board.

Photo via.

Sexy singles! Don’t let Valentine’s Day stand between you and your right to party. Zoosk is urging you — begging you even — to take back February 14th. It’s your day too!

Zoosk invites unattached singles the world over to celebrate ‘love 2.0′ by entering our Valentine’s Day Twitter giveaway. And guess what? This party is for singles only.

Participate in the discussion in 3 easy steps:

1. Get on Twitter and follow @Zoosk.

2. After following @Zoosk, send a tweet to @Zoosk and suggest something fun for a single person to do on Valentine’s Day (e.g. “put down Russell Stovers post-haste, then put on leg warmers, & go to 80s night”).

3. End your post with the hashtag “#Zoosk” — this helps us compile them together. You can use the hashtag to read what other singles are suggesting as well.

And yay, you’re done!

After collecting the responses, Zoosk will reveal 3 prize winners on Valentine’s Day: the 3 best suggestions we get for singles only Valentine’s Day fun. For a mere 140 characters of life-affirming Valentine’s Day bon mots, we’ll reward a prize of 700 Zoosk coins (worth $50) and a month of free Zoosk membership. We’ll also publish the winning tweets on our blog, Facebook fan page, and community boards and encourage everyone to follow the three winning Tweeters.

(You might even meet someone in the process.)

So. Get thee to a Twitter page. Send @Zoosk a message suggesting a fun singles only activity for the dreaded 14th of February. If your tweet catches our eye, we’ll make it rain with Zoosk coins — and end that dry spell.

Photo via.

Today we’d like to present a special success story from Lexie and Robert from Texas! Robert and Lexie both sent us letters sharing their wonderful news. Their enthusiasm, love, and appreciation for each other shows in every word they’ve written. Robert calls Lexie “the most beautiful girl in the world” and Lexie describes Robert as “the most amazing guy in the world” — and that’s how it’s done, folks… that’s how love is supposed to feel.

Let’s start off with Robert’s letter:

I made a Zoosk profile on a Thursday because I was bored. The moment I finished the profile, I saw the most beautiful girl in the world on my homepage. I winked at her. Later that day she responded, “Hi, how are you?” I paid $10 for Zoosk coins so I could email her. On Friday we exchanged numbers, and the next day we arranged to meet.

On Monday, I met the most beautiful girl in the world. Early in the date, a little girl told her that she loved her dress. I agreed. We played two rounds of putt putt golf, and raced in go-karts. A small girl tried to run us down during the race. At the arcade, we played Guitar Hero… I won. Then we played air hockey… she won. She drove me back to my car because I’m a moron and I parked really far away. Before I got out, the most beautiful girl in the world asked, “Do I get a hug?” I said “Of course.” And I hugged her.

The most beautiful girl in the world lives with her parents, because she goes to community college. The next Saturday, I saw her again, and was allowed to pick her up. The most beautiful girl in the world and I went to a sandwich shop. She eats slower than me. I told her I liked her dress… then realized that she was wearing pants and a top. Not a dress. She laughed at me because I’m a moron. I loved it. We played four games of bowling. She won the first, third, and fourth games. Before the second game, I walked up to her and said, “Ok… If I win this one, I get a kiss.” The most beautiful girl in the world agreed. And she tried to beat me. Almost did. I won that game by 4 points. After looking at the scoreboard she walked toward me, pouting, and said, “I lost.” I smiled, wrapped my arms around her, and said, “I won.” We kissed for the first time in a bowling alley surrounded by screaming children. It was amazing.

The most beautiful girl in the world and I planned to see each other the following Friday. But I couldn’t wait. I asked if I could see her sooner. So on that next Wednesday, the most beautiful girl in the world came to visit me. We got ice cream. She got bubblegum flavor, and had a hard time eating it because of the gumballs. It was adorable. We played another game of bowling… she won. I brought the most beautiful girl in the world to my dorm because I wanted to sing to her. I got my guitar, and tried to sing “Realize”. She laughed at me, because I sang the wrong words. I loved it. I sang her a song I wrote. The most beautiful girl in the world told me it was cute. She told me she liked it. And I kissed her. As we lay in each others arms, not moving, scarcely breathing, I did something that I was terribly afraid to do. I told the most beautiful girl in the world that I love her. And she told me that she loves me, too.

The most beautiful girl in the world owns my heart. Her name is Lexie. I like to call her Lexiebear. I met Lexiebear on Zoosk dot com. And I can still barely believe it.

We were touched by the spirit of romance in Robert’s letter. When we read the letter Lexie sent us, we found it to be equally adorable. Read what Lexie had to say about Robert, below.

I’m Lexie and my wonderful boyfriends name is Robert, who is the most amazing guy in the world.

I decided to take a friends advice about joining Zoosk.com. The next day Robert winked at me and I was immediately attracted to him so I messaged back. Over the next few days we started emailing and texting each other back and forth and before I knew it we were planning our first date.

I was so nervous about meeting him because never in my life have I tried online dating site; I was completely out of my comfort zone. But as soon as I saw him and he smiled at me, all of my fear just melted away. On our first date we decided to play mini golf which we both horribly suck at but at least we sucked together. Through the date we rode go carts, played arcade games, and my favorite our air hockey game. At the end of our date I was so scared about how to the date was going to end I figured I couldn’t go wrong with at least asking for a hug. He responded with words that will always make me smile “Of course”.

The following Saturday we went on our second date, we decided to go bowling. After winning the first game, Robert said to me “If I win this game, I get a kiss.” And I agreed, I really did try to beat him but at that point I could care less and I was definitely glad that I lost that round. So we had our first kiss in the middle of a chaotic bowling alley, but in that moment nothing else mattered to me it was only him and me, and I loved every minute of it.

After our second date I couldn’t wait to see him again so I decided to drive up to his dorm. When I got there he took me to get ice cream and on campus bowling. The moments that happened next are the ones I will always hold close to my heart. He took me back to his dorm, when he then picked up his guitar and started signing “Realize” by Colbie Calliat, then he sung me a song he had written himself. I have never in any of my past relationships had a guy sing to me and look at me the way Robert did that day. His words touched my heart and soul. In that moment we kissed and layed in the comfort of each others arms. He then lifted my face up towards his and said the 8 letter, 3 word phrase we all want to hear someone say to us, He said “I love you” for the first time. And without a doubt in my mind I said “I love you too”.

I remember when he said to me “why is a beautiful girl like you still single?” The reason I was still single was because I was scared of to let anyone all the way in because of the fear of getting hurt. With Robert something inside me told me to take a chance on opening myself up to love. And I’m so glad I did because now I have the most amazing guy in the world to call mine. I have fallen head over heels for him; I swear to love him forever and always. I still can’t believe that I owe it all to Zoosk.com and my best friend for convincing me to join.

Congrats Lexie and Robert! We wish the two of you all the happiness in the world. If you have your own Zoosk success story to share, send it to us with a photo of you and your loved one and we’ll send you an Amazon (or other online retailer of your choice) gift card as a token of our congratulations.

In Bertrand Russell’s celebrated essay, “In Praise of Idleness,” the distinguished analytic philosopher and Nobel Laureate contends, quite rationally, “I think that there is far too much work done in the world, that immense harm is caused by the belief that work is virtuous. I hope that, after reading the following pages, the leaders of the YMCA will start a campaign to induce good young men to do nothing.” And, just for dramatic effect, he adds, “If so, I shall not have lived in vain.”

In response this glorious display of intellect, Zoosk responds most enthusiastically, “Hear hear!”

It appears that the folks at TechCrunch might also believe, as Russell himself did, that “Leisure is essential to civilization.” Could there be a truer truism? Purveyors of romantic leisure that we are, Zoosk is rightfully honored to have made it to the final round of voting at this year’s 2009 TechCrunch Crunchies Awards in a category we are proud to be recognized in: Best Time Sink Application.

But we also adhere to the belief that the pursuit of love is an activity that, albeit leisurely, is absolutely necessary. Plus, leisure is useful too. Sure, you can’t expense a date on the company card or charge it to your place of work as a billable hour, but the time you spend looking for love is fully compensated, at the end of the road, when you find it. So while some time may sink during the quest, that time will be worth it when you get to your final destination. Think of it as a potentially long flight that just happens to take off and land at the exact same local time, just in different time zones.

So remember, everyone, vote for Zoosk! “Each person is invited to vote once per category per day through Wednesday, January 6th at midnight PST. Once you cast a vote in a category, you are able to share your vote through Twitter and Facebook.” Put a little bit of work in for Zoosk by voting every day until January 6th, and we’ll ensure you get the best time sink application the web has to offer for as long as your heart desires. XO.

By Juliet O

Yippee! Bring out the bells, the whistles, and the fancy trays of mouth-watering, calorie-laden sweets: the end-of-year holiday season has finally arrived! As this year (and decade) draws to a close, Zoosk wishes you the happiest holiday festivities and brightest spirits and cheer that this season has to offer.

Holidays bring with them a host of holly jolly things, from parties to paid vacation to presents, but our absolute favorite aspect of the holiday season will always be the unique excitement of holiday dating. The holiday merriment rubs off on even the most incorrigible Scrooge. Who doesn’t love an eggnog, peppermint schnapps, and mistletoe-fueled adrenaline rush?

But we know that desite the amazing rewards, holiday dating is not without its challenges. We want to make the entire process of dating during this time of year as easy on you as possible. We want you to stop stressing out and focus instead on enjoying yourself. To help our Zooskers navigate and cultivate their love lives during this special time of year, we’ve created the Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, a downloadable PDF that you can save on your desktop and read at your own convenience, that answers some of your most pressing questions about the rules of holiday dating.

Our guide includes holiday dating tips from relationship experts, gift-giving ideas for singles, holiday dating trends and much more. We surveyed thousands of Zooskers to find out what they really want this holiday. From what kind of gifts they wanted to what kind of date they wanted, we asked for the scoop.

Did you know that the majority — 68% — of Zooskers say that they’re looking for a long term relationship this holiday season? This guide gives you tips on how to meet someone this winter, and whether you’re just looking to land a holiday party date or if you’re on the market to establish something lasting, there are tidbits in this guide for every kind of dater.

We’ve also got expert advice from dating gurus like Rich Santos of Marie Claire, Julie Spira the best-selling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and iVillage relationship columnist Sherry Amatenstein.

What holiday season is complete without a healthy dose of materialism? In our surveys, we asked Zooskers what kind of presents they hoped to receive from dating partners, and our Holiday Guide reveals their answers. We were pleasantly surprised to discover how completely unmaterialistic our user base is! Overwhelmingly, you guys responded that you were just hoping for a simple hug or kiss from your date this season.

Now that the question of what to get your partner is answered and filed away, you can focus on the more important thing: how to land said partner in the first place.

Since the week before Christmas marks the busiest time of year on our site, your chances of landing dates this month are statistically the highest of the year. This means that you should go out and work everything you’ve got. Flirt shamelessly. Message as many Zooskers as your greedy heart desires. The numbers show that people are looking for romance this month, so it doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there. If you’re still feeling shy, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself, “Live boldly.” Other people, we’re sure, are doing the same.

What are you waiting for? Go give yourself the best gift of all this holiday season: love.

For more facts and tidbits from our Singles Guide to Surviving the Holidays, download the guide here on our site! Good information is a shame to waste. Tell all your friends about it — heck, tell your date about it — and go out there and take advantage of the happiest time of the year!!!

By Juliet O

Even though winter is cold and gray, there are plenty of fun icy-weather dates to be had during the months of December through February! Instead of putting on those extra five to ten pounds to keep your body warm in the frigid chill, why not meet someone sexy who raises your body temperature without raising your utility bills (and body mass index)? So turn on your computer and go to Zoosk, where 40 million singles are all putting their icy fingertips to the keyboard this season with one solitary purpose: meeting someone to hibernate with during the short days and loooong nights with (wink wink) of winter. Kiss seasonal depression good-bye with a hot winter date.

Play in the snow: go skiing or snowboarding, take a winter walk, or play it simple and build a snowman together!

Pretend that the snow is actually sand and instead of being outside in negative ten degree weather you’re actually at a Caribbean island. Just kidding. You don’t have to pretend that snow is anything other than snow, because a white winter can actually be really romantic and gorgeous in its own right. Why else are ski vacations such a popular pastime for couples? Winter walks can be lovely if you’re bundled up and holding hands, mitten to mitten. You can give each other Eskimo kisses as snowflakes drift from the halcyon sky and land in your lashes as you gaze into each others eyes. My favorite winter walks are those that occur at dusk when the moon is big and bright, the streetlamps are lit like a vintage movie, and the stars in the night sky reflect and dance off the snow. When you get home, where it’s cozy and warm, you can make hot cocoa and cuddle together on the couch while watching DVDs of romantic winter movies like It’s A Wonderful Life and March of the Penguins.

Dine together on hot foods that are typically associated with the winter season

Imaging great winter foods, a few variables come to mind. First, the food should be warm in temperature to put some warmth in your system, like chicken noodle or savory lentil soup. To protect you through the cold, the food should help you break a sweat — feel free to add the spicy hot peppers! Second, the food needs to be satisfying and comforting — something that lifts the spirit in times of chill — so think of foods that make you feel good, like cheesy casseroles, roasted game, Christmas puddings, and steaming hot gingerbread. Mmmm. And experiment with winter produce! Winter doesn’t mean that your only food choices are cabbage and potatoes — did you know that avocados, citrus fruits like grapefruits and oranges, bananas, greens like chard and kale, and root veggies like turnips, celery roots, and rutabagas are in season during the winter months too? A root veggie gratin, sauteed greens, and a desert of banana cream pie. Mmm.

Veg out at home — nothing is more romantic than being snowed-in with your romantic somebody

Snow day? Can’t go to work because there’s a foot of snow in your driveway? Or, say you live somewhere it doesn’t snow, like California — why not pretend you’re snowed in with your sweetie, even if you aren’t? The best part about winter is that you have an excuse to be a homebody. “It’s too cold; we can’t go out.” Who says you need to leave the house to have a good time? Get in front of the television with your partner and watch that marathon of Lost DVDs. Order Chinese take-out and spend the night playing board games against one another. Spend a quiet night at home reading together. Go on a baking marathon with your date and get all your Christmas cookies out of the way in one go — making sure to use the heart-shaped cookie cutter for the cookies you bake for one another. Whatever you need to do to make your winter romantic, you can do it without leaving the house.

Find your winter love on Zoosk today!

Some other articles you might be interested in:
Having good testimonials might get you a date
Are you in love with the idea of being in love?
When it comes to love it’s worth a try

photo credit: the wicked soul

What’s a testimonial? A testimonial is a short blurb from a friend or acquaintance that says something positive about you. We publish third party testimonials on Zoosk because testimonials are a great way to give potential matches more information about you from people who know you. It gives someone who looks at your profile the chance to hear something nice about you from a third party. Because this information is coming from a source who knows personally, it gives credibility to the fact that those great things they say about you are true. It’s uncouth to brag openly about yourself, so why not have one of your friends brag about you on your behalf?

If you’re wondering about how the get testimonials for your Date Card, read on for step-by-step instructions! Log into Zoosk and go to your Date Card tab. At the very bottom, below where you enter your favorite music, movies, and books, you’ll see bold text that says “Testimonials”. If you do not have any testimonials, the page will say, “You do not have any testimonials” and show a link that asks you to invite your friends to offer testimonials for you. Click this link to get testimonials! It will take you to the next page, screenshot below.

Clicking “Invite friends to get more testimonials!” will take you to a page that looks like the image above. You can invite people from your email networks, like Gmail, Yahoo Mail, Windows Live, and AOL. All you need to do is enter your email login name and password and click “Continue.” Zoosk does not store any passwords. This feature uses the same technology that helps you locate contacts on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or other social networking sites and doesn’t store any of your or your contacts’ information. Once you click continue, the screen will pull up a list of your contacts. You can choose specific contacts and send them a request. Your contacts do not have to be Zoosk or Facebook members.

You can also invite people straight from Facebook. On the same page there will be a link, highlighted in yellow, that says “Invite your Facebook friends to write testimonials for you”. Click that link and you will see your Facebook friends pop up on the next page. Simply choose which friends you’d like to get testimonials from.

If you would prefer not to upload your Facebook friends or to load your Gmail or Yahoo Mail contacts, or if you use a different email server that isn’t listed on the sidebar, you can invite  your friends to send their testimonials by directly typing in their email addresses into the system. We then automatically send testimonial invites to their inbox. Click the link that says “or type in your friends email addresses” and you will be directed to a page that looks like the screenshot below.

Put your emails in the blanks and click “Invite Now.” You’re done!

Once they’ve written a testimonial for you, you’ll get an email at the same address you use to log into Zoosk (if you use Zoosk as a FB application, this will be at the same email address you use to log into Facebook). This is the same email where you get all the other Zoosk notifications, like notices about messages and updates on our site. The email will look just like the screencap below.

The testimonial your friend submitted will be now on your Zoosk Date Card. It will be on the side bar, to the left of your personal information. See?

Doesn’t it look great? Now potential Zooskers will be able to read awesome tidbits and compliments about you from your friends. What better way to advertise what a great catch you are than to get a testimonial from someone who knows you already? Get a testimonial today!

By Anne B

Once upon a time a young woman in her early-mid twenties with stars in her eyes moved to a charming little city called San Francisco. Naturally when single and living in San Francisco with a cute little apartment, what better accessory to your lifestyle could you find than a scooter? Not just any scooter, a midnight blue Vespa, 200 cc’s, with a tan suede seat. She had dreams of sunny Saturday afternoon rides spent scooting across the Golden Gate Bridge. Sigh, all too picture perfect.

Then finally it happened. She got a parking ticket. Although her girl-meets-scooter experience was slightly tarnished and it set her back 70 dollars, she looked optimistically passed it. She focused on how amazing those new bomber leather Marc Jacob pumps would look riding her blue stallion.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that just around the corner she is in for another, and slightly more serious, setback. This time she’ll have an accident on a slippery rode and have to repair a broken rear view mirror. In spite of a few lingering scratches from the slip she will be fine, but her rattled nerves will make it just a little more difficult to rationalize eating noodles again for dinner in order to pay the insurance bill she’ll have to hand over to Geico on the first of the month.

Such is life. The tragic heroine of our story saw a beautiful Vespa and without knowing what was in store or considering the possible implications of her investment she threw herself whole heartedly into the decision she made. Although it may not have been the most practical of choices, and even poses potential danger, she was determined that it was the right fit for her. Shouldn’t loving it and having an intense desire to see it work out be enough?

Is it any different in our relationships? I’m not implying that a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a scooter, attractive yet functional accessories to life that have their hazards but can be a lot of fun to ride. Um, when you look at it that way, I guess I should clarify. I’m not saying that long-term boyfriends and girlfriends are like scooters. My point is, sometimes we don’t know what is good for us and we have to get hurt to find out. Loving someone might not always be enough, but at least you have loved.

We can be open to new relationships and maybe even make mistakes to recognize who the right fit is when he or she comes along. It hurt for our girl to realize that she might be more of a Volvo kinda girl when she just bought a Vespa. Even worse, it hurts to have your heart broken when you realize that the apple of your eye is just not going to be a part of your apple pie. But now you know, and it didn’t kill you. You can and will move on. Our heroine knows a little bit more about herself through the whole experience. Although it wasn’t what she needed, it was a great ride that taught her valuable lessons.

Many people have a list of qualities they are looking for, and are unwilling to see beyond the criteria they have set for a potential partner. You can’t compromise on values like honesty, loyalty, and trust; it doesn’t end well for either party involved. Values are one thing, but try to have an open mind with the nitty-gritty details. When you find yourself overlooking a great person simply because they might laugh like a hyena when you are at the movie theatre, maybe next time just watch the comedy at home? What if you are always reaching for cookie dough when, if you just gave it a chance, mint chocolate chip might really blow your taste buds away?

What truly makes an incredible experience is when we can let go and allow ourselves to love deeply. These are the experiences that set the course of our lives. Keep your eyes open for foolish choices and potential accidents. Just know that you’ll make mistakes, but you won’t make them twice.

Photo credit: gaioum

By Juliet O

A widely accepted law of dating states that the longer you date, the more baggage you accumulate. Thinking back to your earliest relationships, don’t certain words come to mind, like naive, innocent, simple? Things were so uncomplicated way back when all you had to worry about regarding love was a curfew and what your parents were going to say. A first love is such a beautiful thing, because the first loves seem so innocent, unbridled, and pastoral. But the moment you get hurt for the first time, everything changes. After our first loves wane away, we develop shells and shields and build walls — we close ourselves up out of defense, and we don’t let anyone access those deep, vulnerable parts of ourselves quite that way ever ever again. And like a hermit crab that carries everything on its back, we start dragging our baggage along everywhere.

But baggage can also destroy relationships, especially when one tries to hoist their baggage on someone else. Say that your baggage is the memory of your ex. And you take that memory with you everywhere, including on dates with new people, and your ex becomes the ubiquitous elephant in the room? That can definitely damage your chances at a new relationship. Or what if your particular baggage is the jealousy that you developed as the result of getting hurt in the past? Hoisting that baggage on a new, unsuspecting partner cannot possibly be conducive to a future relationship. And when you act jealously toward people, and they leave you because they can’t take it anymore, you only become more jaded and more jealous. The danger of baggage is that it has a way of multiplying itself.

So how do we deal with this baggage issue? We all suffer from it, so what are some things we can do to alleviate the weight of all this emotional baggage we carry? How do we keep all the baggage at bay when getting to know someone knew — and then continue to keep it at bay as we grow relationships with new people?

The answer is: we have to make sure we’ve checked our emotional baggage before starting a new relationship. A new boyfriend or girlfriend can’t carry your bags or get rid of your demons for you. Embarking on a new relationship when you haven’t healed from old ones will just add fuel to the flame, and give you more baggage to carry down the line. We have to make a conscious effort to look on our past relationships and past history and heal all the wounds we’ve accumulated before stepping into a new relationship.

It’s important to remember that healing takes time. And healing isn’t easy. Getting rid of our baggage is often times more painful than merely carrying it along with us wherever we go, and it takes commitment and dedication to exorcise all that negativity from our lives. Find a path toward closure. If your baggage is due to a mistake you’ve made, ask for forgiveness. If your baggage is because of something that someone else did to you, try to find it in your heart to forgive. Our relationships with other people are the biggest cause of emotional baggage, but no matter how negative those relationships are, it’s important that we try to move on in a clear, positive manner. If closure cannot be found, then cut people out of your life that contribute to your emotional baggage. Cut painful relationships out, be they relationships with your exes, your frenemies, your acquaintances that add nothing positive to your life.

When dating new people, we should all adopt the basic philosophy: tabula rasa. This term, “tabula rasa,” means clean slate. This doesn’t mean that you have to treat every relationship like the first relationship you’ve ever had. Rather, this means that you should approach new relationships with all the wisdom and insight and learning that you’ve taken from past relationships — the positive forces — and relinquishing all the negative forces at the door, or to in all literalness check your baggage at the door.

For more dating tips and helpful dating advice, check out these articles as well:

Having a positive outlook will get you more dates
5 online dating fears and how to overcome them
Jealousy and how to prevent it
The importance of being earnest

photo credit: striatic