By Juliet O

You’ve put all that work in making a great Date Card, but you’re still not fully satisfied with the number of clicks you’re getting? You want to raise your page views, but don’t know what to do? It’s not you, don’t worry. But it’s not your Date Card, either. There are simple ways to get even more profile views and raise your chances of meeting the right person on Zoosk, by simply following some of our tips on promoting your online dating profile via social media tools.

Great online dating profiles shouldn’t just sit there waiting to be discovered. Take your online dating fate into your own ambitious, single-person hands! If you want love in this day and age, there is no shame on promoting yourself, within reason, to making finding it an easier process. There are definitely ways to raise your chances of having your profile fall across the path of the right person, on Zoosk and on the web. Here are our suggestions.

Post on Zoosk’s Community Pages

Our Community Pages are a great place to get valuable dating advice and voice your opinion on topics relevant to online dating. The pages are also a great place to have your profile seen by the dating community at large. By making yourself prominent on our boards and contributing great content to our community, you expose your profile in a positive way to the numerous Zooskers who visit them daily. Your comments on the boards are also added to your Zoosk status feed, which shows up on your Date Card and on the Zoosk front page that is seen by singles in your local area.

Fan Zoosk on Facebook and comment on our updates

Zoosk has a very active Facebook Fan community that is growing  by the day. Check out how many people comment or “like” each of our status updates! Join in on the discussion via our Facebook Fan page and meet other Zooskers via their virtual discussions. Invite your friends to join our Facebook community as well, and you might even get free coins from one of our Facebook fan contests! Keep an eye on our Fan Page in the future, to hear about Zoosk news, releases, dating advice and information, as well as future community contests and programs of interest to our beloved Zooskers.

Integrate Zoosk on Facebook

We are aware that not all people want to be public about their online dating lives. Our Facebook application allows you to adjust your privacy settings to hide all your Zoosk activity so that no one in your Facebook network has to know that you are involved in any manner with online dating. But for people who want to be a bit more public about Zoosk, you can install our Facebook application to your main FB page and let others know, via FB, that you are single and searching.

Tweet about online dating and follow us on Twitter

Another way to publicize your online dating profile is to use Twitter and “tweet” out about your involvement with Zoosk. Follow us on Twitter and tweet @Zoosk and we promise to send you a shout-out in return. Use #hashtags to talk about online dating like #zoosk or #onlinedating, write about your topics “@Zoosk,” and discover that Twitter is a great way to publicize your Zoosk Date Card to other  Zooskers on the site. You can also contact us on Twitter via a direct message or a Tweet if you have any questions or concerns about Zoosk. As we say, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you follow us, and we’ll follow you!”

Blog about online dating

Finally, blogging is a great way to let off some steam and write about your experiences. Who doesn’t have a personal blog these days? They can be so cathartic and therapeutic. There are so many online dating blogs and singles blogs that deal with issues like dating and romance, so why not join in on the dialogue and get your voice heard? The blogosphere is a great way to publicize your online dating profile, if you take the leap of faith and put yourself out there! Don’t worry, the web isn’t such a scary place. Embrace the future of love!

Photo credit: bobby-james

By Juliet O

You know in those beginning stages of getting to know someone (whether in real life or online) when you know you like this person but you’re trying to figure out if they like you? You don’t really know how they feel 100% (plus you’re shy) so you don’t really want to start talking about being “in a relationship”, plus you don’t know how to bring up the topic in the first place without being the weirdo who brings up the topic in the first place. Right? How existential and circular. I feel like I’m in a Charlie Kaufman screenplay. But seriously, how do you talk about relationships without talking about relationships? Specifically, how do you say things like “I want to be in a relationship with you but let’s talk about it” without sending out total creep or stalker or crazy person vibes?

Through my extensive first person research and years spent analyzing this very topic exactly, I know of some great methods for talking about relationships without talking about relationships. There are ways, as counterintuitive as it seems, to bring up the relationship chat without explicitly bringing it up. I suppose some people would view this as a failure of communication, but I think of it more as “communicating subtly” (i.e. self preservation). For the shy ones out there, here’s how you do it.

Talk about love, vaguely and generally.

What better way to segue into the relationship chat than to talk about love? Rather than being all “So what are we?” you can simply talk about your feelings and hopes and desires. This is an ingenious way to talk about a potential relationship, because you can give very concrete and specific opinions you have on love and then ask for affirmation or denial. If you get affirmation, great, perhaps you have more courage now to move forward and explicitly state your wants. If you get denied, then you know that you should probably stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and move on. Like? “They say that the moment you meet someone you realize you could love, you know it. Do you agree?” Hint.

Bring up a scenario in a movie/novel/play/music video that mirrors your situation.

There are millions of instances in popular culture where this very emotional conundrum appears. Uncertain love is everywhere, so find a situation that sort of mirrors your own and bring it up and see what your person has to say. For instance, if I was totally in love with my friend but he didn’t realize it, I’d bring up the movie Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) and say something to the effect of, “I feel sort of like Mary Stuart Masterson’s character in that movie.” And then I’d look at my guy and see if he starts shying away uncomfortably or if he looks into my eyes and tells me that he wants to be with me forever.

Make your person listen to a really romantic love song, inch closer to them, and see how they respond.

This one works every time. So you are feeling crazy romantic toward someone but you’re sort of getting mixed signals and you want to see once and for all if they’re into you that way or just want to be friends? Pop a love song (something super cheesy like “True” by Spandau Ballet) while you’re alone together, sitting on the couch maybe, and then move closer to them and see what happens. Maybe you should make an entire playlist in case things start going really, really well. If they’re not into you, they’ll get awkward and move away. If they’re into you, they’ll put up with your advances, and then who knows what will happen.

Talk about past relationships, but not in a nostalgic way.

If you really want this thing you have with someone to turn into a relationship, another way to bring up the relationship chat is to talk about past relationships. Talk about how your relationships developed, how you knew it was love, what you did in the beginning of that relationship when things were uncertain, and then cautiously move the conversation toward your situation with this new person. Again, if they’re not having it, they’ll change the subject and you can move on with your life. If they start talking to you about their relationships in return, this is perfect timing to bridge the topic of the possibility of a new relationship, between the two of you.

Talk about how you want to avoid dating people who aren’t on the same page as you.

If none of the above approaches sound like they’ll work for you (like if your person is totally dense and doesn’t respond well to hints), then maybe you need to be more direct. How can you be more direct without being entirely direct? Why not just bring up how you hate people who string you along or lead you on and then look at them accusingly? This approach might not work for everyone, but it’s sure to bring the skeletons tumbling out of the closer if your person is really, in fact, leading you on. Who, if they are leading someone on, can stand there innocently as someone is essentially going off on people who lead people on, and then staring accusingly?

I hope these tips help. Obviously the best advice is just to be direct, but I understand that it’s not always easy and sometimes we need a temporary crutch before we go back to being the honest, earnest people we are.

Photo credit: zabara_tango

Mashable’s 3rd Annual OpenWeb Awards are open for user submitted nominations and votes. Last year, Zoosk won an OpenWeb Award for Best Dating and Romance site. This year, Dating and Romance is no longer a category, so Zoosk is up for overall Best Facebook Application! We’re excited for the opportunity to win this category, so help us out with your nominations and we will love you forever (and ever and ever).

How do you nominate Zoosk for Best Facebook Application? Simply go to the Best Facebook Application nomination landing page. Make sure you are logged into Mashable via your Facebook username and password (to vote, you must log in via Facebook Connect). Once you’re on the nominations landing page, type “Zoosk” into the field for “Best Facebook App”. Then hit “Submit”. You’re done. Beautiful.

Nominate us, and then tell your friends to nominate us. We love you dearly. Please love us back?

By Juliet O

Why do we search for love? I might as well ask you why the sun shines or why water is wet. We don’t always know why we search for love; we just do it. Perhaps the only answer to such a complex question is simply “because.” Most of us hope that one day we will find someone we love who will love us back, with whom we can grow with in an affectionate, positive relationship of the sort that fairy tales describe as “happily ever after”. We don’t really question why. We feel an almost subconscious drive, and in our search most of us encounter a lot of false alarms, dead ends, and failures before finding the person who makes all our struggles worth the effort.

I recently posed to our Zoosk community a question, “Why do you search for love? What are your personal reasons for continuing along the path towards relationship fulfillment?” The answers I received were a surprising and poignant study on the depths of the human heart. It seems that our community is a romantic bunch, and they’re looking for love because, in the words of one Zoosker, “I am looking for hope.” Here’s what some of our other Zooskers had to say. Get out your Kleenex.

“My life would not be as happy without love, and I know I need some kind of romantic love and intimacy to feel content, but other than that, I suppose I search because someday, I hope to really find the puzzle piece that I have yet to grasp my fingers around!” -Carly

“I myself am fine being alone but it’s instinctual to want to connect. Humans by nature are communal. Most of us just want to connect with others. We want to share our lives with someone because it brings purpose for our being.” -Brian

“Looking for love is more about finding someone worth sharing all of these wonderful and beautiful things in life with at a level that friends just can’t. Not to mention there’s nothing like coming home to the open arms of someone special when you think you’ve had more than you can take.” -Shannon

“‘I’m looking because life is too short to waste away. It’s best shared with someone special who fills in the gaps. Someone to share the little things and big things with. Someone to laugh and joke around with… someone who will for no reason smile and out of the blue rock your world just because it feels good. Someone to be himself and you be yourself. What more can you ask for??? Love is special and should be shared with that someone.” -Angelina_Ace95

“I’m looking for love because I want that special connection. I want to be some gal’s man and for her to be my gal.” -Jason

“My reasons are to have someone to connect with, especially emotionally and mentally. I do not think you can find that in this world a lot, but it’s rare also. I definitely miss every little thing about being in a serious relationship, the hugs and kisses, the falling asleep together, being your natural self around someone totally different from you, it’s an amazing feeling. The main thing is I want to have someone that I can be myself completely, and we both can receive what we want from the other person equally and respectfully. I want to be in love, that real love.” -Reana

“My reasons? In some way I’m not entirely sure… I guess it’s for that feeling of warmth of having another person around. I guess love to me is what happiness is. To see the one you love’s smile once more, there is nothing more wonderful than that. I would do anything, to have that feeling again. That is my reason to be here. In the hope of finding someone who would smile everyday for me.” -fight_for_freedom_12

“Taking a drive to admire fall color, or Christmas lights, or what have you without someone is just really not worth the bother. Cuddling is simply impossible without someone to share it with, I’ve had nobody to give a foot rub to since she left and it’s driving me nuts. I also miss having somebody around whose back needs scratching. Not having an outlet for this stuff is much harder than I anticipated, nobody to send camera phone pics of flowers or blue sky, nobody to share the little details of our days. It’s enough to make a guy take up blogging even if nobody reads it just to get it out!” -rollerdave

“Loneliness would have to be the most heartbreaking experience one can go through. I believe that it is a very slow and painful death. The desire to share and connect with another is intense. Essentially the longing to share a meal, conversation, laugh, drink, cuddle…perhaps more is a drive that rages in the pit of out subconscious whether we like it or not.” -pip_squeak

“Looking for my other half gives me insight into people, them and myself. It lets me see the bright and dark side of so many people, the grey areas and how they all tie together and work. In an odd way, it helps me see how bad habits or bad intentions can be used for good things.” -S H

“I have always dreamed of making a family, being a father, being a husband, etc. It’s been one of my long term goals since I was sixteen years old. I was never one for ‘casual flings’. That sort of thing always seemed like a waste of time, energy and emotion to me.” -Jes

“I look for love because its just one of those beautiful things you can’t replicate. You can’t force it and you can’t do it alone.” -Lascial

Everyone searches for love for different reasons. Some of us don’t want to be alone. Some of us want someone to share our experiences with. Some of us like the security of having someone there who will stand by us no matter what. Regardless of our reasons, the drive or desire for love is something that is innate to the human experience and is as complicated as the emotion of love itself.

Photo credit: aussiegall

By Juliet Ohai

First date jitters are the worst. Letting your nerves get the best of you can lead to a number of absolute first date blunders: talking too much, saying weird things, saying things you don’t mean, sweating profusely, blushing constantly, stammering, being creepy… the list goes on.

One of the absolute worst things that can happen to you as a result of first-date jitters is not saying anything at all. Contributing to the conversation is something you absolutely have to do if you go on a date, and if conversation halts to a stand-still, both parties need to facilitate conversation to keep it going. Saying yes to a date is like signing a contract, agreeing, “As long as you aren’t some sort of twisted, loathsome supervillain, I will do my best to talk to you for the duration of our date.” But talking — even rote, mundane, smalltalk — isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re nervous.

So we’ve come up with some talking points for you, to use as a prompt when conversation starts to dry up. Don’t get flustered! Remember, this date is in your hands. Remember these prompts, and never have a silent, awkward date ever again.

Day to day activities

• Ask your date what they did that day. Did they have a good day?
• How was work? Are you doing anything interesting or exciting at the office?
• Did your date do anything fun over the past week or weekend? Ask how their week went.

Personal history

• Where is your date originally from?
• Where did your date grow up?
• Where did your date go to college (if so)?
• How many brothers or sisters does your date have? Asking about family is always a good resort. Ask what it was like to grow up in the kind of family they grew up in.

Personal tastes

• Asking about music is always a good call when you run out of things to say. Ask what kind of music your date enjoys.
• Movies are safe talking territory. What was the last movie your date saw?
• Books are safe too. Has your date read a good book lately?
• What kind of food does your date enjoy? Talking about food is great because you might be able to casually slip in plans to have a second date. “Oh, you enjoy ____ food? I know a great place…”

Goals and passions

• Try to find what it is your date is passionate about. What are some of their interests? Do they have any passions/hobbies that they spend a lot of time working on?
• What are some goals they have for their life or career?

Local questions

• If you’re dating a person in your local area, it’s great to ask them some local questions, like where do they go for fun?
• What are some of your date’s favorite restaurants or bars? You can always ask, “Have you ever been to _____ yet?”
• What is your date’s neighborhood like, if they live in a different neighborhood than you?
• If you like the great outdoors, talk about fun outdoor activities available to you in your local area.

Random life questions

• Where has your date traveled and where would they want to go one day?
• If your date was stuck on a desert island, what 3 things would they bring?
• How would your date describe themselves in 3 words?
• What’s one thing your date has never done, but which they’d love to do one day?

Don’t ever let first date nerves take away your tongue. It’s okay if you don’t say much, but you can’t say nothing at all. So keep some of these prompts in mind next time you feel tongue-tied on a date!

photo credit: eyeliam

By Juliet O

What are some keys to a healthy relationship? All great relationships have certain things in common. Here is a list of the qualities to look for in building a great, lasting relationship with someone. I challenge you to find a single example of a good, functioning relationship that does not exhibit all of these characteristics. The following are universal characteristics of all wonderful relationships, and you deserve to find a person who exhibits them all:

10. Empathy

An individual’s ability to empathize with you is crucial in a relationship. Empathy is an important relationship skill that both parties should develop. Empathy is the ability to view the world from your partner’s eyes. Being able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes is essential to building a long term relationship based on mutual understanding. Empathy means being a team, a “we” rather than an isolated “I”.

9. Acceptance

Your partner should be able to “get” you. They should know your tastes, your likes, your dislikes, your moods, your innate personality — they should know that “real” you, and love you for being exactly who you are. Acceptance is a key relationship skill. Both you and your partner should accept one another for exactly the people that you are, faults and all. Your partner should love you because of everything that comprises who you are. Don’t accept any less.

8. Chemistry

Physical chemistry is important. While it may not be the most important thing on this list, healthy relationships require attraction as a force. You and your partner ought to be attracted to one another, physically and emotionally, and that attraction should lead to a healthy level of chemistry that can be sustained over time.

7. Steadfastness

Your partner should be steadfast with you in promises and obligations. With you, your partner should be able to keep his or her word. Steadfastness leads to trust, which is absolutely essential in healthy, long-term relationships. If your partner isn’t steadfast with you, then you have little reason to grow trust with this person. Do not become intimately involved with someone who cannot keep their word.

6. Goals

It is important that you and your partner support each others’ goals in life. Relationships take constant work and require that you and your partner have a willingness to work together and grow together. Your partner should support and help you reach the goals you want in your life.

5. Generosity

Your partner should be generous with you, not in the financial sense, but in the emotional sense. Most importantly, your partner ought to be generous with time, when it comes to you. An essential aspect of relationships is the ability to “give”. If you notice that your partner takes and takes without giving, perhaps it’s time to find a new partner. Generosity is the essence of healthy relationships.

4. Priorities

Your partner and you do not need to have the exact same priorities in life, but it certainly helps if your priorities are aligned. If you want to move to India one day to teach yoga at a spiritual retreat and your partner wants to move to Los Angeles to jumpstart a career in the entertainment industry, your priorities are definitely not aligned. Sometimes, for a relationship to thrive, priorities can be adjusted or redefined, which is fine, but both parties should be equally flexible in this.

3. Trust

Trust is the single most important factor when it comes to when a relationship is a success or a failure. You must be able to trust your partner, and your partner must be able to trust you. And both of you should give the other person reason to trust. With trust, you have the ability to be vulnerable — an important factor in long-term, successful partnerships. If you can’t be vulnerable with your partner, it’s time to move on.

2. Communication

Good relationships have great communication structures. Bad relationships almost always have terrible communication between partners. You and your partner should speak the same language, emotionally speaking, in the sense that you should be able to communicate your desires successfully. Neither party should be timid about asserting themselves when appropriate, and neither party should feel shy about communicating feelings at any point. Do you and your partner have successful communication?

1. Commitment

Commitment is the most important quality to look for when deciding a successful match. If you are searching for love and a long-term relationship, you and your partner must be able and willing to commit to one another, understanding all the sacrifices and adjustments that are necessary when transitioning from single life to life as a couple. The key to commitment is love. If you love someone, commitment should be no less than nature.

photo credit: search engine people blog

By Juliet O

Hello singles. Are you celebrating? Because in case it’s escaped your radar, this week is National Singles Week!

20 years ago, a group of people known as the Buckeye Singles Council created NSW to celebrate the lives and accomplishments of single and unmarried people, and to recognize their important contributions to society (like keeping bars and nightclubs open!). Since its inception, NSW has become widely observed around the world.

Coinciding with National Singles Week, we conducted a survey of over a thousand of our Zooskers, asking you for your thoughts on single and unmarried life. The results are fascinating. Contrary to what you might think, we found that the men we surveyed voted that they’d rather settle down in a relationship, while the women we surveyed stated that they enjoyed being single. 49% of men wish they weren’t single, as opposed to 31.5% of women.

We also found that Zooskers, overall, have quite a romantic viewpoint on love.
The majority of Zooskers indicated that they choose to remain single because they are waiting for “the One”. And while Zooskers are enjoying singlehood for now, the majority of you definitely see wedding bells in your future and plan to get married one day down the line.

Being single is great. You can hang out with whomever you want to, whenever you want to. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else and can focus your attentions on yourself. You can go anywhere, buy anything, and do anything you wish. You can take yourself out to a movie for no reason. You can book a ticket for a solo holiday. You don’t need to share your Netflix queue. You can eat onions what that burger without brushing your teeth right afterward. You can date casually. You can see your friends as much as you want. Being single means the terms of your life are up to you and no one else, and that is such a liberating feeling worthy of celebration.

Being single means you have no one to be accountable to except for yourself. And, best of all, being single means that love could be just around the corner every time you step out the door. Zooskers, embrace the fun of being single! Because being single is really, really fun. All you need is a positive attitude and a sense of adventure. As for Zoosk, well, we’re just along for the ride.

Bonus! Here’s Shayan Zadeh, Zoosk’s CEO, being interviewed about National Singles Week on “Cocktails with Patrick,” a radio show on Cosmo Radio.

Listen to Shayan on “Cocktails with Patrick”!

photo credit: smanography

By Juliet O

There’s no moment sadder than the moment someone blatantly tries to impress you and fails epically. “Depending on which economic calculation you use, I may or may not be the richest person in the world. I’m good friends with this guy who knows Bruce Springsteen. Surveys have shown that I’m the most attractive person in Michigan. Can I buy you a drink?” No. No, you may not.

Number one, you’re lying, and number two, what, am I supposed to be impressed? Ew. Can’t we just stop trying to impress one another and start being ourselves?

Obvious “I want you to find me impressive” conversation is boring, tedious, and uncomfortable. It’s also counterproductive, because if a person is truly impressive, they don’t have to talk about it. You know when you should be impressed by someone, and impressive people know that you know so all the “I’m impressive blah blah blah” doesn’t really apply. People who talk about the many impressive qualities they have also come across as ecomaniacal, self-centered, and uninteresting. All a braggart wants is an ego boost, and their behavior is transparent and annoying.

We are asked to talk extensively about ourselves when dating a new person. Part of the fun in dating is sharing stories about yourself and listening to the stories of another person. But the type and quality of your conversation can veer from being informative and inclusive to being egotistical and self-centered — without you even realizing it.  This is a risk we all run. And I know we’ve all had moments when we casually say something, and then worry that what we said might have come off the wrong way, as if we sounded boastful or pompous. And we feel embarrassed.

Here are some rules that any dater can follow to keep conversation on course and to avoid the unfortunate and often unintentional case of “I’m trying to impress you” talk.

1. Avoid talking about money too early on.

This is a classic rule of dating. As we wrote in our “What Not To Do On A First Date” blog entry last month : “Zoosk recently conducted a study of over a thousand singles all across the United States, asking about sensitive issues like dating during a recession, unemployment, and going on dates that involve free activities as opposed to dining out extravagantly.  What we found was that money can’t buy love, and that people don’t really let factors like money influence their decisions too much when it comes to dating someone they really like.” Don’t talk about money in polite company, as the old adage goes.

2. No one needs to know about complements, honors, or attentions you’ve received.

I am sure you are an impressive person, but gloating too much about the many facets of your glorious impressiveness can have the effect of making your date — or anyone — feel small and unimpressive in comparison. This causes feelings of insecurity and resentment, and will practically ensure that you won’t get a second date (unless your date decides to keep dating you because they loathe you so much, in order to one day dump you out of the blue to take you down a notch — it’s happened before).

3. Think of the 5 most impressive things about you, write them down on a list, and make a mental note not to bring them up unless it pertains to the conversation or if you are asked.

There are certain topics that are generally avoided unless you are asked. These include what your exact job title is, where you went to school, what car you drive, how cool you are, the list goes on. Write down the 5 most impressive things about yourself and make a mental note not to be the first person to bring them up in a conversation, unless it’s directly relevant to the discussion. Trust me, you’ll come off as way more impressive if you keep your mouth shut unless you’re asked (at which point you casually drop the bomb). Be off the cuff; be too cool to even care. And then gloat as you watch your date’s eyes widen in shock and then turn misty with lust.

4. Don’t be a name dropper.

Name dropping is a cardinal sin of dating. Just because you know some impressive people does not then make you impressive yourself. It just makes you a name dropper. Blatant attempts to place yourself in the social hierarchy are pathetic, and people can and do know it when name dropping happens. You aren’t pulling the wool over anyone’s eyes. Your date agreed to date you, not your random celebrity “friends” (skepticism noted).

5. Show, don’t tell.

The best policy, in dating, is to show rather than tell. This rule is almost universally applicable. Rather than telling your date about the many sides of who you are, show them. Show your date how smart you are with witty conversation and great book recommendations. Show them how caring you are by being a good listener. If you make a lot of money, treat your date to a nice dinner rather than blurting out the contents of your Roth IRA. If you have a cool talent, well, organize a talent show! It won’t be long before your date realizes what an amazing person you are, and the best thing is: you didn’t even have to tell them.

photo credit: adactio

By Juliet O

To find out more about what pisses you Zooskers off, we posted over at the new and improved community forums asking for your biggest dating pet peeves. The response we got was varied, insightful, and revealing. Here are the top 10 most frequently cited pet peeves, and advice on how to avoid them.

1. Texting

It seems, hands down, the pet peeve we noticed most frequently was regarding cell phone use during a date. People really, really don’t like it when you use a cell phone on a date. Says Zoosker Shannon, “I understand when an emergency comes up, but it’s so important to be present with each other especially when you’re learning about each other.” Zoosker Tommy agrees. “I can’t stand texting while on a date. It’s rude and a really bad impression for me when they text while I’m in the middle of saying something or if it’s while they are saying something and they abruptly stop, text, and then continue.” Texting can be an addictive thing, but if you want to make a good impression on a first date, keep your phone away from you greedy little fingers! Turn the phone to silent or vibrate, and put it deep in your pocket or handbag. Equally bad as texting is constantly checking your phone to see if you’ve received any messages. You can check your phone if you excuse yourself to use the restroom, but never in front of your date unless it’s an absolute emergency. As Zoosker DD states, “Put the phone down and try to enjoy yourself.”

2. Lateness

Lateness is annoying in any context, and when you’re on a date, being late is a sign of serious disrespect. Zoosker Devsfan30 remarks, “I would have to say my biggest pet peeve is when people are late for a date. Lateness absolutely drives me nuts.” Zoosker Alymomma concurs, “My worst pet peeve is when the guy is late and lets the girl wait for more than 30 minutes. I can forgive 15 minutes. But if you’re already late for 30 minutes or so, jeez, I’m leaving.” If you find yourself in an unexpected predicament and know you will be late, it is customary to call and inform the waiting party ahead of time. The best policy is just to not be late. You can avoid this by leaving early. Periodically late people: leave even earlier!

3. Discussing the ex

Zoosker Marty is particularly adamant. “I also hate it when a girl talks about her ex to me on a first date… I mean, come on! It’s not like us boys are all connected in some way. We don’t have a network that runs between us all. If you want to talk about someone else, at least make it someone we both know.” We couldn’t agree more. Talking about the ex makes your current date feel uncomfortable, unworthy, unwanted, and a host of adjectives that are all negative. Hearing you talk about your ex is also extremely boring for your date, because your date has no idea who this person is and why you should still be harping about it. You’ll also come across like you’re loaded with baggage which, trust us, is not a turn on in the slightest. As Hayboy writes, “By far my worst pet peeve for ANY date is comparing me to a past BF. Or talking about a past relationship the whole time. It’s in the past, learn from it, move on.”

4. Turning it physical

Writes Zoosker Ron, “I think my worse pet peeve is when the date tries to turn it sensual. I would rather wait for that until after I know who is with me.” MagicBandit chimes in, “My biggest peeve would have to be being expected to jump into bed with someone I just met. If you think about it, if they are prepared to have sex with you after just meeting you, would you really think you’re the only one? I want to get to know the person first.” Turning an innocent date into a game of footsie and handsie is a terrible idea if you actually like this person and want to get to know them better. Taking things too quickly is suicide for budding relationships, not to mention a turn off for relationship-minded folks. We’re not knocking on physical relationships, but we think that emotional attachments should come first.

5. Not paying attention

If you don’t pay attention to someone, it sends the signal that you aren’t interested. So maybe if you really aren’t interested, you should not pay attention to the person you are with. For those who are interested, however: pay attention.  “I definitely hate it when a date doesn’t even pay attention to you, or even SEEM interested at all,” says Brendan. Furthermore, contribute to the conversation! Says JB, “A pet peeve for me is lack of conversation. Without conversation, it makes getting to know the person difficult.” Reana says one of her biggest peeves is “not engaging into conversations to get to know each other”. Even if you have severe ADD, you should be able to use your mental capacities to focus on your date during the duration of the date, so do it!

6. Bad table manners

This one is a given. Being around a slob is bad but eating around them is even worse. A date that takes your appetite away is a date that will never happen again. Chew with your mouth closed, use your napkin not your hand, don’t eat with your fingers, and don’t pick at your teeth. Don’t eat things off your date’s plate without asking. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Breath so bad that it makes your hair stand up is not generally considered an attractive trait.

7. Getting drunk

“No, I think the worst thing pet peeve on a date is when you go to a nice restaurant with someone ’special’, and they get unbelievably drunk, take off all their clothes and start dancing around with spaghetti on their head,” writes Elliott. Um, yeah, that would peeve us too! Don’t drink so much you can’t operate properly on a date. As we wrote in our “What Not To Do On A First Date” blog entry last month: “Go ahead and drink. Just don’t drink so much that you think it’s a good idea to cry in public, fall down the stairs, steal your date’s iPhone, and start a bar fight.” To prepare yourself to not behave in this manner, limit your drinks. 1-2 is generally okay (depending on your tolerance) but 4+ drinks and you’re walking a fine line between friendly drunk and scary, crying, taking your clothes off and running in the street drunk.

8. Negativity

Zoosker Latin comments, “I understand you may had a bad day at work. Yet, if your gonna be in a bad mood on a date, then don’t go on the date. I rather wait and have you when your cheerful and in a good mood. Just remember it’s okay to reschedule. But, on that same note, don’t do it last minute or too often.” It’s never fun to be around a Negative Nancy, so try to stick with topics that are generally uplifting. Topics to avoid? Death, dying, anything morbid or macabre, war, nihilism, the impending apocalypse. Try to stick to fun topics, like hobbies, movies, music, how many brothers and sisters you have, you know? Save the stuff about conspiracy theories and alien abductions for later on in your relationship.

9. Not even pretending to reach for your wallet

A enormous pet peeve? “Not even attempting to suggest that you could go dutch or pay the bill. (Btw, I always pick up the tab on the first couple dates, but its the thought that counts),” Brandon comments. At least pretend like you’re going for your wallet and make some half-hearted and feeble protests! It’s the least you can do, ladies. Just because you are on a date with a man does not mean you are entitled to a free meal. We all love to be wined and dined, but we should at least pretend to reach for our wallets to send the signal that we don’t expect anything, and that when treated out, we appreciate the gesture.

10. Talking about marriage and kids

Unless you have kids, it’s inappropriate to talk about marriage and kids on the first date. “Please don’t ask me how many kids you want or ask me how many I would like on the first date, it’s just creepy,” Zoosker Nikki states. Talking about future goals directly related to whether or not the relationship will work out sets unreasonable expectations too soon — and that’s a huge turn off for anyone.

photo credit: wonderlane

By Juliet O

“Take it slow” is probably the single best piece of relationship advice that people never seem to want to hear. Like relationships in real life, online relationships can also move way too fast. And I don’t have to remind you about the story of the turtle and the hare. There are many reasons to take things slowly on Zoosk, but the biggest reason is also the most obvious one: you don’t know this other Zoosker yet. And you should get to know them, before you meet in real life.

Reducing the speed at which you barrel toward love, marriage, and mortgage, actually makes dating more fun. Many people claim that the very best time to be in love is at the beginning of relationships, when all the euphoric, mesmerizing feelings of love are at their most intense. Why not prolong that intensity as long as possible? When poets write about love, they are almost never talking about comfortable long term relationships. They write about the dizzying feeling of falling in love with someone and the first stages of blossoming affection. Let the excitement of falling in love last as long as possible! There is simply no need to hurry. What’s the rush? If it’s meant to be, it will be.

A good rule of thumb: learn about your partner online first — exchange messages for a few days — before moving on to the phone. When you’re at the stage where you’re making phone calls, take time out of your day to really connect with one another on the phone. See how long you can talk on the phone. If you can’t even talk on the phone for a couple of hours, how are you going to make it through a two-hour dinner date?

Here are some good rules to follow during any phone date. Use the telephone as a screening device to judge if you really do want to meet this person in real life. It’s good to keep things at the phone stage for awhile before pushing forward to meeting in real life. Jason and Ang, our August success story of the month, is a great example of how this works. They chatted on the phone for almost a month before meeting in real life. Jason says, “We have been talking on the phone for around 3 weeks, sometimes 4-5 hours at a time.  Our conversations are very diverse, and quickly realized there may be something special here.”

And once you meet in person, it’s good to take things slow in real life, as you have been doing online. Even if you feel you know this other person from chatting with them online and on the phone, it’s a good idea to get to redo the getting-to-know process with them in real life, before becoming physically or emotionally intimate with someone you meet on Zoosk. First, there are the obvious safety concerns. But it’s also just good practice in dating to really learn about a person before inviting them into your heart. Your heart is a special place. Save it for the ones who truly matter!

So, we all agree that taking it slow is a good thing. But generally, it’s easier said than done. What are some easy tips to follow, when you feel things are moving too quickly and you want to take a step back?

1. Communicate.

Wanna cool the acceleration? Simply say so. You should always feel, in any relationship, like you can address your own needs. Should you feel that things are moving too quickly for your liking, you need to pipe up and say so. Any partner worth having will listen and immediately take your feelings into consideration.

2. Keep things light.

There are lots of reasons why you shouldn’t talk about getting serious too early in a relationship, the biggest being that you will probably scare the person away. People do not fall in love at the same pace. Someone always has to say “I love you” first. It’s also difficult to discern, in the beginning, if what you are feeling is really meaningful, or mere infatuation, and it’s always good to marinate in your feelings and reflect on them before taking things to a more serious place.

3. Live in the moment, not the future.

Enjoy the precious moments of your new relationship. Don’t worry about the future! The future will come, and when it arrives, you might even find yourself nostalgic for the past.

4. Never lose your head.

The term “head over heels” is an accurate one, in the sense that people do run the risk of losing their heads when walking, blindly, into a new relationship. Keep your head on straight. Try not to let your emotions control you. In any relationship, you are ultimately in control of your own actions, and to a degree, you can control your feelings as well. Be rational!

5. Don’t try to define anything too early.

Lastly, I don’t know about you, but I sincerely hate the “what are we” conversation. I don’t really believe that people need to know, when they are in the beginning of a relationship, if its going to work out in the long term. As long as you are enjoying yourself now, that should be all that matters. Try not to succumb to the need to define your relation early on. You’ll miss out on all the fun of the relationship if you spend your days worrying about what to call it! Trust!

photo credit: malias